Broke!
by Halcyon Seraphim
Summary: What happens if Seto gets drunk, bets all his money to Yami, and then loses the bet? How will the washed-up multi-millionaire survive? FINALLY UPDATED!
1. Default Chapter

**Broke!- Chapter One**

Hi everyone! It's JK! 

Yami: Ahem.

JK: I was getting to that part, Yami. As I was about to say before a 5,000 and something year old freak interrupted me, I bribed the Yu-Gi-Oh cast with Seto's money and now they're going to put on a show for all to enjoy!

Yami (on the brink of tears): I'm…not…a freak.

Bakura: But my Yami is!!! He drinks—

Yami Bakura: You don't like living, do you?

(Bakura hides behind Joey, who doesn't know what's going on due to the fact that he's gazing longingly at the Blue Eyes White Dragons that Seto left totally unprotected from Joey's greed.)

Seto: Do you have an obsession with torturing me?

JK: No, but I'm in a Kaiba-bashing mood right now. 

Yami (sticks tongue out at Seto): Ha ha!

JK: Yami…

Yami: I'll shut up.

JK: Anyway, this is a story on what happens if Seto gets drunk and bets a whole lot of money to Yami, and then loses the bet. 

Seto: Just how much money do I bet?

JK: You'll find out. Now, Seto, you get to do the disclaimer, because I'm not in a mood to say very depressing things.

(Yami coughs.)

(JK glares at him.)

Seto: Because there are still some moral things in the world, JK does not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters.

            Seto woke up to the annoying sound of his alarm clock. After he made the thing shut up, he walked over to his window. The weather was beautiful, birds were singing, and it was a perfect day to…

 …work. But Mokuba had other ideas.

"Seto!" he squealed, bursting into his room, "I have the most wonderful idea!"

Seto knew that most of his little brother's ideas involved Yugi and his stupid friends, so he automatically said, "No."

"But Seto, it will be so much fun."

"No," he repeated.

"Pwease? _Big brother?" said Mokuba, putting on the cutest puppy eyes he could muster._

"What's the idea?" asked Seto, giving in.

"We could have a picnic! Just you, me, Yugi, and his friends!" said Mokuba, pushing his luck.

"Mokuba? Do I look drunk to you?" asked Seto, truly vexed. (Meanwhile, the author was giggling insanely.)

"Come on, Seto! It could be an early birthday present!" said Mokuba.

"Mokuba, your birthday was last month," said Seto.

"Belated?"

"I already got you your present."

Mokuba, sensing defeat, used his most powerful weapon: tears. Seto began to wither like a flower without any water.

"Okay, Mokuba. You can have a picnic," said Seto. 

Mokuba jumped up and down happily, narrowly missing a lamp each time.

Within an hour, Seto and Mokuba were riding in the limo, Seto rapidly typing on his laptop. Mokuba was sitting quietly, but he was very bored. If he didn't know better, he'd say that Seto loved work more than he loved him. But he knew better. 

"Hey Seto, look, it's that Egyptian girl you like so much," said Mokuba carelessly. Seto nearly choked on the water he was drinking.

"What?!" he screamed.

"What was her name? Oh, yeah, Isis Ishtar. Isn't her brother the crazy one with the tattoo on his back?" asked Mokuba. Seto could do nothing except stare in horror at his younger brother. Sure he had said more than three words to Isis on certain occasions, and it was true that he liked his god card, but he did _not like Isis! At least not in the way Mokuba meant. But he still turned to look to see her. But to his great anger, Isis wasn't even there._

"Mokuba…" said Seto menacingly.

"She was there! Following the weird white-haired boy," said Mokuba.

"Bakura?" asked Seto lazily.

"Yeah," said Mokuba, "Look, it's the store!" Seto looked up and saw that they were indeed approaching the store. He saved his work, and put away the laptop.

In the store, Mokuba ran off to get all of the food and refreshments, while Seto quietly strolled over to the liquor section. He wasn't a heavy drinker; don't get the wrong idea. He knew his limitations. But that didn't stop him from taking one of every kind of liquor in the store. _Ah, the beauty of money, he thought to himself. But money didn't look so beautiful anymore when Mokuba came back with two whole shopping carts of party goods. Mokuba pushed one of them, and Yugi Mutou pushed the other._

"Seto, guess who I met up with," Mokuba said.

"Hi Seto," said Yugi. Tea, who was with Yugi, just looked at him angrily. 

"Hey, Tea, why don't you help Yugi push the cart? It's too much of a burden for him to handle on his own," said Seto, smirking. Tea raised her hand and if Seto didn't have good reflexes, that hand would have been across his face. 

"Calm down, Tea," said Yugi. Tea looked down at Yugi and nearly swooned, but she remembered that she was in the presence of Seto Kaiba. 

"So, we have to go. But we'll be coming to the picnic!" said Yugi, and walked away with Tea trailing obediently behind him. _Maybe I should change her name to __Chihuahua__, he thought blankly._

After Seto spent 658, 000 dollars on everything, he and Mokuba went back to the limo. Seto immediately began working. Mokuba didn't interrupt this time and before Seto knew it, they were at the Kaiba mansion. Mokuba began to call all the guests, and Seto went to- you guessed it- do more work. Time passed to quickly for his liking because soon the guests began to arrive. Soon, Yugi, Yami, Tea, Joey, Tristan, Mai, Bakura, Yami Bakura, and even Duke Devlin had arrived. (A/N: I'm curious to know how you get the name Duke from Otogi. Whatever, back to the story.) Isis had also come, dragging a sulking Malik with her. Seto knew that when the whole affair was over, he'd be consuming aspirin after aspirin. 

Everyone began to eat and talk, before Joey got a thirst for more. Literally.

"Hey, Kaiba! You got vodka to go with the hot dogs?" asked Joey stupidly. 

"Seto, don't even think about giving him Vodka," said Yami, horrified at the very thought.

"I could go for some wine," said Mai. 

"No, no, no, no, and no!" screamed Seto. Yami Bakura quietly pulled Malik away from the crowd. (A/N: It's not what you think!)

"I have the most brilliant idea," said Yami Bakura. 

"Does it involve blood?" Malik asked wearily. Blood was all Yami Bakura care about. Oh, and the Millennium Items too.

"No. You know millionaires, they always have a liquor stash somewhere. I say that we should find it, spike Seto's ginger ale, and let the insanity ensue!" said Yami Bakura, and then cackled.

"Shut up, you'll attract attention. I say we should do it," said Malik grinning insanely.

And so they ran off to find Seto's liquor stash.

JK: So what do you think? Did I torture you too badly.

Seto: Not my liquor!

JK: Don't worry, Seto. The fun's just starting.

Tea: How come I act stupid?

JK: Because your destinies are in my hands and I hate you.

Yami: Oooooo! Fruit juice! (Begins to drink Seto's wine)

Malik: This is fun! I love this thing. (kisses Millennium Rod)

JK: Okay then. Please review! Everyone who reviews with a nice comment gets some of Seto's money.

Seto: No you don't.

JK: Shut up, Seto!

Seto: Oh, sorry.

JK: You can flame if you really want to, but all flames will be used to burn Pegasus at the stake.

Yami (drunk): Yay! Burn the witch!

JK: (Sweatdrops) 


	2. The Search for the Liquor

Broke: Chapter 2- The Search for the Liquor  
  
I'm back!  
  
Seto: Oh no! That means I have to suffer!  
  
Yami: And I get to-hic-laugh at-hic-his misery!  
  
JK: Yami.  
  
Yami: I'll shut-hic-up.  
  
JK: You know, Seto, I've come to a very well thought out decision.  
  
Seto: Have you decided to cancel this fic?  
  
JK: What?! Are you out of your mind?! Geniuses are supposed to be smart.  
  
Seto: I resent that, I happen to be very intelligent.  
  
JK: Shut up or I'll get all my Seto fangirl friends to glomp you. And who knows? I might even glomp you myself.  
  
Seto: No! Not that! You can't glomp me! I don't deserve it!  
  
Yami: You can glomp me!  
  
Seto: Notice that he's drunk.  
  
JK (in an angry but calm demeanor): Yami Bakura, my bishie, due me a little favor.  
  
(Yami Bakura approaches JK fearfully. JK chooses to ignore this and whispers her plan in his ear.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Yay! Blood!  
  
JK (after whacking him on the head): You're not going to cause bloodshed!  
  
Yami Bakura: Oh s-  
  
JK (after whacking him on the head again): This story is rated PG, Yami Bakura!  
  
Yami Bakura: So? Where I come from, we don't have ratings.  
  
Yami: Where you come from, I-hic- rule!  
  
JK: Yami.  
  
Yami: I'll shut up if you glomp me.  
  
JK: Yami, if you don't want to die, you'll shut up without the glomping.  
  
(Yami Bakura begins to chase Seto with a knife.)  
  
JK: Yami Bakura, if you don't get back here, I won't let you find the liquor!  
  
(He immediately stops. He now begins to chase Seto with a mallet.)  
  
JK: Much better.  
  
Mokuba: Hey, JK?  
  
JK: Yes Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: We have a little problem.  
  
JK: Oh, I almost forgot! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You all get a nice chunk of Seto's money!  
  
Seto (while running): Not my money!  
  
JK: You'll get more, don't worry.  
  
Mokuba: But that's the problem! There weren't enough flames to burn Pegasus!  
  
JK: Who needs flames? Bring on the matches!  
  
Yami Bakura (stopping): Can I light the fire?  
  
JK: No. I'll let someone who hates him more do it.  
  
Yugi: Like me, right?  
  
JK: No, Yugi-boy, I think I'll let Seto do it.  
  
Seto: Really?  
  
JK: Yes.  
  
(Seto lights the fire with every single match. He gets a look in his eye like a crazed lunatic.)  
  
Yami Bakura: The word is pyromaniac.  
  
JK: Whatever, you should know.  
  
Yami Bakura: I'm crazy and proud!  
  
JK: Okay.who wants to do the disclaimer?  
  
Tea: I do! I do!  
  
JK: Anyone? Seto?  
  
Seto: Burn, witch! Burn!  
  
JK: Maybe not. Joey, my little Chihuahua, you can do it.  
  
Joey: Okay. JK doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters. And hallelujah for that!  
  
JK: Joey, do you want to meet Yami Malik?  
  
Joey: No!  
  
JK: Then you know what to do.  
  
Seto was having a horrible time at the picnic. Joey had brought beer with him and was now completely drunk. To make matters worse, Mokuba took a sip. And we all know that he doesn't need any alcohol.  
  
"Hey, Seto? Tell everyone the story of how you killed our stepfather," said Mokuba, a little dazed.  
  
"I did not! He fell out the window," said Seto angrily.  
  
"But you pushed him out," said Mokuba. Everyone present turned to look at Seto, some fearfully, such as Yugi, and some disbelievingly, such as Yami.  
  
"Mokuba, you have a bug in your hair," said Seto, in an attempt to get Mokuba away from him. It worked. Mokuba ran screaming inside the house. But there were much more interesting things going on in the house other than Mokuba's frantic tugging at his exceedingly long hair.  
  
"Is this the door?" asked Yami Bakura.  
  
"I don't know. I guess we'll just have to open it and find out," said Malik, a hungry look on his face. This look would have made most adults flinch, but because Yami Bakura had a sick mind to rival Malik's, he didn't even notice the look.  
  
"So, how do we open the door? It's locked," asked Malik.  
  
"Open the door? Are you insane? There could be pressurized salt acid there!" said Yami Bakura, somewhat shiftily.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"It's a type of booby trap!"  
  
"Yami Bakura! This is the 21st century! Booby traps are very different from the ones in Ancient Egyptian tombs! Wait a minute, are you actually scared?" Malik asked in disbelief.  
  
"No, of course not!" said Yami Bakura. If Malik wasn't his only friend, he would have been flung out the window for accusing him of fear. Malik clearly didn't believe him, and started laughing. But words started pouring from Yami Bakura's mouth, and the Egyptian part of him understood what he was saying.  
  
"Where'd you get such a colorful vocabulary? I don't even know that many words!" said Malik.  
  
"When you're five thousand years old you pick up a few things!" said Yami Bakura, "Now step aside."  
  
"Sure," said Malik, curious to see what his insane friend would do.  
  
"Sword of Dark Destruction!" said Yami Bakura. The lock broke, and Malik burst into laughter again.  
  
"You're taking this too seriously. I mean, a pocket knife could have broken through this lock!" said Malik. He opened the door, hoping to see bottles, but instead saw clothes.  
  
"No liquor here, let's go," said Malik.  
  
"I could sell this! Look! It's in perfect condition!" said Yami Bakura, grabbing all the clothes.  
  
"Now!" said Malik, taking Yami Bakura by the hair and dragging him from the closet. Yami Bakura mumbled darkly.  
  
The next door they encountered wouldn't be opened so easily. It didn't have a common lock, but one where you had to punch in the numbers.  
  
"Cool! What's that?" asked Yami Bakura.  
  
"It's a lock, stupid. We have to break down the door or else we'll be here for hours," explained Malik.  
  
"I'll just use the sword again. Sword of-"  
  
"You can't use it to cut through the door! Do you have any idea how obvious that will look? How did you make it as a thief?" asked Malik.  
  
"Somehow. So what do you propose we do?" asked Yami Bakura.  
  
"Take a lunch break!" said Malik happily.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, things at the picnic were not going too well. A huge argument was going on between Yami and Seto.  
  
"Well, I'm King of Games! You're just World Champion!" screamed Yami.  
  
"Yami, did anyone ever tell you that you should be on a miracle shampoo commercial?" asked Seto calmly.  
  
"Yes, actually," said Yami. This caused laughter from most of the guests.  
  
"Hey, Kaiba! Don't insult my boyfriend!" shrieked Tea.  
  
"Keep out of this, you old hag!" screamed Yami and Seto in unison. Tea shrank back.  
  
"And another thing, Yami, I bet a cow could play Duel Monsters better than you!"  
  
"You walk like you have a rat in your pants!"  
  
"Yami, what are you going to do for a new face when the baboon wants its butt back?"  
  
On and on they went, throwing insults at eachother like there was no tomorrow. It took Joey, who was too drunk to understand what he was doing, Tristan, Bakura, and Duke to keep them from murdering eachother.  
  
"Okay, what do we do now?" asked Yami Bakura after they had finished all the picnic food that they dragged into the house with them.  
  
"I've got it!" said Malik. He took out a Salamandra card and melted the hinges with it. After all that "work" they expected to find something in there, but all they found was a bunch of mechanical junk.  
  
"Nothing valuable in here," said Malik. It was a good thing Seto was far away at the time, for he would have seriously hurt Malik for insulting his inventions.  
  
About an hour later, they had reached the last two doors.  
  
"We've been.to.five hundred.and eighty nine rooms!" Malik said breathlessly.  
  
"Maybe he doesn't have a liquor stash," said Yami Bakura. But the sight of two more rooms seemed to make them stronger.  
  
"Oh, damn it! A DNA lock!" Malik screamed in frustration.  
  
"DNA? What means this?" asked Yami Bakura. Malik looked at him skeptically.  
  
"It has something to do with genetics. But basically, only Seto can open the door," said Malik.  
  
"What about the other door?"  
  
"Same thing." They sat, thinking for a while. Well, Malik was thinking. Yami Bakura was dreaming about-you guessed it-blood.  
  
"I know!" said Malik.  
  
"Blood? Where?"  
  
"I mean, I have an idea."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Maybe Mokuba can open the door. It's probably programmed to accept both of their DNA codes," said Malik. Yami Bakura had no clue what Malik was talking about, but he knew one thing: they had found a way to open the door.  
  
Malik and Yami Bakura made their way outside. Joey lay snoring in the shade of a tree, Tea was flirting with Yugi, Seto and Yami were glaring at eachother, so basically, everything was normal. Malik and Yami Bakura walked over to Mokuba.  
  
"Hi, Mokuba," said Malik, attempting to smile.  
  
"Oh, hi! You know, my brother wants to date your sister," said Mokuba. Seto heard this even though he was ten yards away.  
  
"No, I don't," he claimed angrily.  
  
"You can have her. Just get her away from me. She's always bothering me," said Malik, and then put on a high-pitched voice, " ' No Malik, that's bad. Don't do that. You can't kill Yugi. What are you up to? Malik, I'm warning you.' Honestly, the woman has no life."  
  
"Do I care?" asked Seto.  
  
"Guess not." Seto walked away angrily.  
  
"Mokuba, can you do your friend Malik a favor?" asked Malik.  
  
"Seto told me to stay away from people in lavender shirts. He thinks it's gay. And he also told me to stay away from crazy people," said Mokuba.  
  
"But I'm not crazy," said Malik, restraining himself from strangling the immature ten-year-old.  
  
"You're wearing a lavender shirt." said Mokuba.  
  
"Tell you what, Mokuba. If you do this for me, I'll give you Isis' old pom- poms and that way you can cheer for your brother when he duels. Okay?" asked Malik.  
  
"Mmmm, okay!" said Mokuba.  
  
"Pom-poms? I don't own pom-poms," said Isis unhappily, "Malik, what are you up to?"  
  
Malik could have choked her. Here she was again, meddling in things that were not her affair.  
  
"We're planning a surprise party for Seto," said Malik.  
  
"And this involves pom-poms?" asked Isis.  
  
"Yeah, Mokuba's going to cheer for Seto," said Malik.  
  
"You know what, Malik? I don't believe a word you just said. But when you and your Yami friend over there get together, you do things that I really wish I didn't know about. So, I'm going to pretend I never heard a thing," said Isis, and walked away. But her very words had sealed Seto's fate.  
  
"Wow! She didn't bother me! Now, come on Mokuba," said Malik. He seemed to have completely forgotten that Yami Bakura was even there. But the prospect of humiliating someone like Seto Kaiba did that to people. And if you don't believe me, just ask Yami, who was writing schemes to ruin Seto's life on napkins back at the picnic.  
  
"So what do I have to do?" Mokuba asked when they had arrived at the door.  
  
"Put your hand right there," said Malik.  
  
"Couldn't we just have broken down the door?" Yami Bakura hissed in his ear.  
  
"It's indestructible. He must be hiding something of great value in these two doors," said Malik. Then, he smiled evilly, "And it's about to become mine. I mean, ours." Mokuba successfully opened the door, and inside was any lunatic's gold mine. It was completely full of ammunition of every sort.  
  
"Whoa." Yami Bakura and Malik said in unison. Then reason came to one of them.  
  
"Thank you, Ra! This is so incredible! Damn, I could live here!" Yami Bakura said happily.  
  
"You really want to live with Seto?" asked Malik.  
  
"No," Yami Bakura said sadly, "But we can still swipe the guns!"  
  
"True," said Malik, and they began dragging all the guns into Yami Bakura's soul room. (A/N: I wonder what he keeps in there.a supply of blood, no doubt. And torture devices as well.)  
  
"Um, can I go back to the picnic?" asked Mokuba. Malik and Yami Bakura came back from la-la land.  
  
"Just open that door," said Yami Bakura.  
  
"Okay." And he did. And finally the two deranged freaks found what they were looking for. It was the liquor Seto had bought earlier that day!  
  
"Oh, cool! Fruit juice!" squealed Mokuba, "Can I have some?"  
  
"Not now, miserable mortal!" said Yami Bakura angrily. Now that's the vampire that I know, thought Malik, calming down. He was acting strangely. But he heard what had made Yami Bakura so angry. There was a noise coming from downstairs!  
  
"Stupid Yami, I hope he dies. Coming here and eating my food. Why does Mokuba force me to endure this? Where's my aspirin?" It was Seto. Malik and Yami Bakura felt as if the breath had been knocked out of them. Their whole plan was about to go right out the window! Kind of like Gozaburo Kaiba.  
  
  
  
JK: Sorry that this chapter wasn't as funny as the first one, but it'll get better.  
  
Seto: Why do you mention my dark past?!  
  
JK: Calm yourself.  
  
Joey: I got some marshmallows! And chocolate, too!  
  
(JK goes around and gives everyone a marshmallow and a chocolate. Except for Seto, she gives him two.)  
  
Yami: Yay-hic!  
  
Tea: How come Seto gets two?!  
  
JK: Because I've been torturing him and he deserves it.  
  
Seto: I hope that's an indication that things are going to get better.  
  
JK: Sorry Seto, but things are only going to worsen for you.  
  
Seto: *&^%%$#@)(*^^%#$@#$&*(*^%$##@!#  
  
Mokuba: Cool! Vocabulary enhancers! (He begins to rapidly record everything Seto says.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Wait, what a disgrace! I don't know that word! (He writes it down as well.)  
  
(While everyone is staring at Seto, Joey begins to swipe people's marshmallows. JK whacks him on the head with her stick which, unfortunately for Joey, is still on fire.)  
  
Joey: Ow! My hair! It's on fire!  
  
JK: Whoops. (JK pours alcohol on his head.) Oh, I thought that was water! Sorry Joey.  
  
(Joey rapidly runs around the room and the fire eventually goes out.)  
  
Mai: Ew, Joey, you look horrible.  
  
Joey: Thanks, Mai. That really helps.  
  
JK: Please review! All flames will be used to keep the fire going because Pegasus isn't dust yet!  
  
Yami: But what about the other witch?  
  
JK: What other witch?  
  
Yami: Tea!  
  
JK: Should we burn her too? Nah, her stupidity adds humor to the story.  
  
Tea: Yeah- Hey!  
  
Yami Bakura: I say we should cremate Pharaoh over there!  
  
Yami: Who?  
  
(JK sighs.) 


	3. The Bet

Broke!- Chapter 3: The Bet  
  
To Lavender Wonder: NO! I would never burn Yami! Tea yes, but not Yami.  
  
To Feisty Angel: No, Yami Bakura's the one that likes blood (and RAW meat), I'm sure of it. Here, I'll give you an example. Malik made a deal with Yami Bakura that if he kills Yugi (or Yami); he'll give him all of the Millennium Items. Instead of saying yes like a normal.person?, he first cut himself, drank the blood (well, it was regular Bakura's blood), and then said yes.  
  
Hi everyone! Here's chapter three of Broke!  
  
Seto: No! (begins to run around in circles)  
  
(Yami Bakura starts snapping pictures by the second.)  
  
JK: I hope you know that you're going to burn that camera, Yami Bakura.  
  
Yami Bakura: No, I'm not.  
  
JK: Who's in control of your very life at the moment?  
  
Yami Bakura: I don't know. Yugi?  
  
JK: Hey, Seto, do you want to stop running around like a moron now?  
  
Seto: Everything is spinning.  
  
JK: Well, when you run around in circles for a few minutes, that's what tends to happen.  
  
Seto: Cool. (He faints.)  
  
JK: Wonderful.  
  
Yami: I bet I can wake him up! (He walks over and whispers something in Seto's ear.)  
  
Seto: What?!  
  
JK: What did you tell him?  
  
Yami: That Mokuba was dating Yugi.  
  
JK: You sick freak..  
  
Yami: Yup.  
  
JK: I have a suggestion.  
  
Yami: What?  
  
JK: Take a nap.  
  
(Yami shrugs and goes to do JK's bidding.)  
  
JK: Anyway, thanks for the reviews! Now, what shall we do with what's left of Pegasus?  
  
Yami Bakura: Er.drink his blood?  
  
JK: You really want to?  
  
Yami Bakura: I did it before.  
  
JK: Ew..  
  
Seto: Can you just start the *beep* story?  
  
JK: Why do you want me to start a story with nothing but your misery?  
  
Yami: And my happiness?  
  
JK: Oh, you're awake?  
  
Yami: Yes, I'm awake and composed.  
  
JK: So, why Seto?  
  
Seto: Because I might as well get it over with.  
  
JK: Okay then, my little puppet. Why don't you do the disclaimer?  
  
Seto: JK doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh because if she did, Gozaburo would have died in the grip of a shark. Right?  
  
JK: Right. Now, Yami Bakura, the camera?  
  
Yami Bakura: I don't even know what a camera is.  
  
JK: Yami Bakura..  
  
Yami Bakura: Oh, fine!  
  
"Quick, close the door!" hissed Malik. Yami Bakura did so. Malik placed a little tiny bottle of vodka in his pocket.  
  
"Why are you two so afraid of my brother?" asked Mokuba.  
  
"We're not afraid of him," said Yami Bakura distastefully.  
  
"Shut up!" Malik said angrily.  
  
"Oh, right."  
  
But Seto wasn't that stupid. He had heard noises coming from upstairs. The idea of someone lurking in his house didn't appeal to him at all. He began to quietly climb the stairs leading up to the closet. When he reached the top floor, he saw the two partners in psychopathic crime standing next to..his brother!  
  
"What in the name of Duel Monsters are you doing with Mokuba?!" screamed Seto.  
  
"What? Nothing. How dare you accuse us of something corrupt?" asked Yami Bakura.  
  
"It's easier than it looks," said Seto. He began to inspect the area around them.  
  
"AHA! I see." Seto pushed the door to the ammunition open.  
  
"It's empty. Oh, I see what you two did. You wanted guns and such, so you used Mokuba to get it. Okay, that's it! Everything back in the closet. Now!" said Seto, pointing to the door. Yami Bakura, sulking, retrieved everything from his soul room and put it back in the closet. Seto began to count to make sure.  
  
"I said everything!" he screamed. Yami Bakura got the last item and put it in.  
  
"Good. Now if I ever catch you in my house again, you will rue the day you were born! Good day to you," said Seto. Yami Bakura and Malik stood staring at him, Yami Bakura wondering why that had sounded so familiar.  
  
"That's your cue to get out," hinted Seto. They all went downstairs, Seto following them to make sure.  
  
"Okay, now, where the heck did I put that aspirin?!" he said, annoyed. He eventually did find the aspirin, but during the search never did he for one second suspect that Yami Bakura and Malik had also broken into his liquor stash. Seto sat down to look at what he still had to do for work tomorrow.  
  
Malik and Yami Bakura were giggling insanely. While Seto sat in the house, they were busy pouring every drop of alcohol into his ginger ale. Considering the fact that the alcohol was super-saturated, that was a lot of alcohol.  
  
"Won't he taste the difference?" asked a voice. Malik and Yami Bakura turned around, and there stood..Yami!  
  
"What?" asked Malik.  
  
"Won't he taste the difference?" repeated Yami.  
  
"Please remove yourself from my sight," said Malik.  
  
"What's your problem? I was just trying to help. I mean, I knew about your plan all along. Why do you think I started that argument with him? To keep him out of the house," said Yami.  
  
"You know, you're not as bad as I thought you were. Let's add sugar to his drink," said Malik.  
  
"He'll taste the difference."  
  
"No, he won't."  
  
"Yes, he will."  
  
"Hey, where's Yami Bakura?" asked Malik curiously. They two yamis looked around and saw Yami Bakura sitting, staring at nothing in particular. But they were wrong; he was staring at something. Or rather, someone.  
  
"Yami Bakura, what's wrong with you? You've been acting strangely," said Malik.  
  
"Nothing." But who would believe him? The two rival yamis followed his gaze. And there was no mistaking it. Yami Bakura was staring at Isis!  
  
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," Malik said over and over again. His best friend was in love with his sister!  
  
"You like Isis? Oh, wait till Seto finds out. He'll be angry," said Mokuba.  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked Yami.  
  
"Seto is my brother and you can't hurt him. You can worship him, though," said Mokuba thoughtfully.  
  
"No, I was Pharaoh. I am the one you should worship," said Yami.  
  
"And what did you do as Pharaoh?" asked Seto.  
  
"Oh, damn! Aren't you taking a pill?" asked Malik.  
  
"I wanted to take it outside," said Seto, "Oh, and Yami, as pharaoh, you sat on your royal butt most of the day eating grapes and drinking wine. I'm sure the people of Egypt really liked you. They must have had respect the size of Joey's brain! Oh, wait, that's not a lot of respect, is it?"  
  
"Just take your stupid pill, Priest!" said Yami Bakura. Seto looked at them suspiciously, but took the pill anyway. Oh my God! He took the pill with the Vodka, thought Malik, Perfect.  
  
"Hey, Kaiba! You brought da Vodka?" asked Joey, and belched.  
  
"No, I don't have vodka," said Seto. Malik snickered. But he soon remembered the whole thing with Yami Bakura and his sister. So now it was his turn to bother her.  
  
Seto did notice that his ginger ale tasted strange. It was bitter. But he thought it was because of the pill. Being a genius, you'd think that he would have guessed that it was spiked, but being Seto, he was too busy hating Yugi and his friends. Before Seto knew what was happening, he was dozing off.  
  
"You got cognac?" screamed Joey. Seto was not to be awakened from his sleep.  
  
"No, mommy. I didn't forget to feed the dog to Mokuba." Someone laughed, and Seto opened his eyes. Yami was laughing. Seto's head felt a little foggy.  
  
"Huh?" asked Seto.  
  
"Hey Seto, can I have some alcohol?" asked Mokuba.  
  
"Sure, why not?" said Seto.  
  
"Okay!" Malik didn't notice this really bizarre statement. He was too busy talking to his sister.  
  
"Isis, what's going on between you and Yami Bakura?" he asked.  
  
"What the heck are you talking about?" asked Isis," Are you out of your mind?"  
  
"Answer the question."  
  
"Nothing, you moron," said Isis.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Malik, do not make me hurt you.."  
  
"Why were you following him then?" asked Mokuba, a little glass of wine in his hand.  
  
"I wasn't following him! He was stalking me!" said Isis, a little loudly than was normal for her.  
  
"Hiya!" said Seto.  
  
"Seto?" asked Isis. Malik looked at her strangely, so she quickly corrected herself, "I mean, Kaiba?"  
  
"What?" he asked, and fell to the ground.  
  
"Seto died," said Mokuba," Let's party!"  
  
"Oh, no, not you too," said Isis.  
  
"Oh, yes, me too!" said Mokuba gaily.  
  
"Where's my 'friend?'" asked Malik, a tad bit sarcastically.  
  
"Now, Malik, as much as I think your friend should be wiped off the face of the Earth, don't do anything drastic," said Isis.  
  
"Just you wait and see," said Malik angrily.  
  
"Why do I have a feeling that Seto's grass is about to become red?" asked Isis.  
  
"Because of this," said Mokuba, spilling his wine all over the grass.  
  
"How does Seto put up with you?" asked Isis.  
  
"Thoughts about you keep him going," said Mokuba slyly.  
  
"I may never sleep again.."said Isis, walking away from Mokuba.  
  
Seto, in the meantime, had woken up and began to sing a desperate attempt of the song they played when he was breaking into his own house.  
  
"I'm back..lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala..I'm back!"  
  
"What in the name of Duel Monsters is wrong wid you?" asked Joey.  
  
"Joey, why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?" Seto sang.  
  
"Cuz you're a moron!" screamed Joey. Nevertheless, Seto continued to sing. A cracking sound was heard.  
  
"Aw, what happened? Did Tea's fragile brain finally crack?" asked Seto.  
  
"You'll pay for that Kaiba!" shrieked Tea.  
  
"But Seto, it was your window. You're going to be mad when you wake up," Mokuba said to Seto.  
  
Suddenly, Yami got an absolutely brilliant idea! Seto was obviously not in his right mind, and he would be easy to manipulate in a duel. The time for vengeance had come!  
  
"Oi! Ugly! I mean, Seto! I challenge you to a duel!" said Yami.  
  
"What? You dare challenge me, filthy mortal?" screamed Seto.  
  
"I think you've got that backwards," said Yami.  
  
"Oh, okay then," said Seto.  
  
"But why not make the duel interesting? Let's have certain conditions to agree to. A bet, if you wish," said Yami.  
  
"Sure! What kind of bet?" asked Seto, eager for more money.  
  
"Well, if I win, I get your three BEWDs, your crush card, and every single penny of your money. If you win, you get to keep all of it," said Yami.  
  
"Okay," said Seto stupidly.  
  
"Yami, that's not fair and you know it!" screamed Isis.  
  
"Too late! He agreed to it. Besides, why do you care, Isis?" asked Yami slyly.  
  
"Because, I, oh, forget it," said Isis.  
  
"So, Seto, it's time to duel!" announced Yami.  
  
  
  
JK: Another chapter is complete!  
  
Seto: I act like such an idiot.  
  
Tea: It's okay, Seto-weto.  
  
JK: Oh, damn, you're drunk too?  
  
Tea: Yup!  
  
Malik: What should we burn now?  
  
Tea: Your nice lavender shirt?  
  
Isis: Hell no! No! I've seen enough of those hieroglyphics!  
  
Tea: But they make your brother so-  
  
Isis: Don't you even think about calling my brother hot!  
  
Tea: Why? He is, you know.  
  
Isis: Just kill me now..  
  
Yami Bakura: Sure!  
  
Malik: Don't lay a finger on my sister of else you will perish like the prisoners in Pharaoh's dungeons!  
  
Isis: Sheesh, what is it with your sudden urge to protect me?  
  
Yami (snickering): He's a good little brother.  
  
Malik: Okay that's it! Pharaoh, haul your ancient Egyptian butt over here!  
  
JK: Remember, no bloodshed. But you can torture Yami.  
  
Seto: Why do you keep allowing these lunatics to torture Yami and me?  
  
JK: Their psychopathic actions need an outlet.  
  
Yami (running from Malik): Oh, great! So me and Seto have to be that outlet.  
  
JK: Pretty much.  
  
Seto: Why me?  
  
JK: Okay, next fic, I'll torture Yami. Okay?  
  
Seto: I could live with that.  
  
Yami (still running from Malik who is attempting to hit him over the head with the Rod): Well, I couldn't!  
  
JK: Well, whatever. We'll see what fate will bring. (A/N: Yes, I watched Yu- Gi-Oh! Today! ^_^ 


	4. Sometimes You Win, and Sometimes You Los...

Broke!-Chapter 4: Sometimes You Win, And Sometimes You Lose Everything  
  
  
  
JK: Hi people!  
  
Isis: Seto, do yourself a favor. Run.  
  
JK: If you run, Seto, I will make you die in this fic.  
  
Seto: Dying is better than this humiliation.  
  
JK: I'm kidding, you know. I don't want rabid fangirls at my door with knives and pitchforks threatening to kill me.  
  
Tea: Kill Seto? How dare you?!  
  
Seto: On the other hand, maybe you can kill her. With her gone, who would care?  
  
JK: No one, but like I said before, her stupidity adds humor to the story.  
  
Seto: Ah.  
  
Tea (getting down on one knee): Seto, will you-  
  
Seto: Never in my life. Not even if you were the last...whatever you are on Earth.  
  
Tea: But why not?  
  
Yugi: Because you're my fiancée!  
  
Yami: No, she's not. I will not stand to have my aibou marry that stuck-up moron! I mean, really, the girl needs an indestructible mirror! I'm not even sure if she is a girl!  
  
Yugi: Why didn't you say so, Yami?  
  
Yami: I just did! Yugi, have you taken your medication this morning?  
  
Yugi: Yes...  
  
Yami: You could have fooled me.  
  
Yami Bakura: Hey, peeps!  
  
JK: Excuse me?  
  
Yami Bakura: I'm just learning the language you people use in this modern age.  
  
Isis: You and another certain freak...  
  
Malik: Is this punk botherin' you, Isis?  
  
Isis: No, and can you please get a life?!  
  
Malik: Perhaps...  
  
Yami Bakura: You suck at being modern.  
  
Malik: Oh well.  
  
Seto: You're all a bunch of morons.  
  
Joey: Yeah!  
  
Seto: Well, then again, at least you're not Chihuahuas.  
  
Joey: Yeah!  
  
JK: He gets more brain dead by the minute.  
  
Joey: I know, it's a conspiracy! And I do wish I knew what that was.  
  
JK: I'm surrounded.  
  
Tea (while sobbing): Nobody (sniff) loves me! I w-wish Y-ya-yami would l- like m-me!  
  
Yami: Tea, buy yourself a diary! I do not need to know this!  
  
Tea: S-seto is s-su-such a h-h-hottie!  
  
Seto: JK, can you please do something to make her shut up?  
  
JK: I want to see what other confessions she can draw out of herself.  
  
Yami and Seto: PLEASE!  
  
JK: I have a better idea. Let's just start the fic.  
  
Yami: What about the disclaimer? We're not yours!  
  
JK: Well, then, there you go. You just did the disclaimer.  
  
  
  
"So Seto? Prepared for a massive butt-kicking?" asked Yami smugly.  
  
"Whatever. Let's just start the duel," said Seto.  
  
"Why don't you go first?" said Yami.  
  
"Okay, I play the Mystical Elf, in attack mode," announced Seto.  
  
"You idiot! What kind of move is that?" screamed Mokuba. What am I doing here? Thought Isis.  
  
"Okay, then. I play the Celtic Guardian in attack mode!" said Yami, "Celtic Guardian, attack!" Celtic Guardian wipes the floor with Seto's Mystical Elf. Seto's lifepoints are now at 1400.  
  
"My turn. I play, er, whatever this thing is called," said Seto, playing the Blue Eyes White Dragon, "What do I do now?"  
  
"Nothing, " lied Yami, "My turn. I switch my Celtic Guardian to defense mode and I play the Dark Magician! I also play this card face down."  
  
"Okay. So I play Sagi the Dark Clown. And that's it," said Seto.  
  
"You dolt! That's not a strategy! Tea could beat you with the Petite Angel!" screamed Mokuba.  
  
"I will now play the magic card I put down last turn, which was Change of Heart! I'll use it on your Blue Eyes White Dragon. Blue Eyes, attack the Clown!" said Yami. Seto's life points were at this point 0.  
  
"Did I lose?" asked Seto.  
  
"You've been a step behind this whole duel!" screamed Isis, "I cannot believe I gave my God Card to you. You probably don't even know what it does!"  
  
"God Card? What's a God Card?" asked Seto.  
  
"Oh God..."  
  
"So Seto, your Blue Eyes White Dragons, your crush card, and all your money now belong to me. Hand it over!" ordered Yami.  
  
Slowly, Seto's sanity was returning to him. He was coming out of the deep slumber that incredibly drunken people often find themselves in.  
  
"Wait. I couldn't have lost. It's a mistake!" said Seto incredulously.  
  
"So is Malik's birth, but that's irreversible!" screamed Isis.  
  
"My birth was no mistake!" contradicted Malik.  
  
"You hatched from a chicken egg!" screamed Isis.  
  
"No, it was a reptile egg! Besides, it was your birth that was the mistake. Mom and dad wanted a boy because they needed someone to continue the family line, but instead they got you!" said Malik, smiling maliciously. (A/N: It's funny how his name is very similar to that word.)  
  
"Malik, I doubt that I would've squealed like a pig if I got my back tattooed! And that's exactly what you did. 'No! Get the sharp thingy away! I don't like black! Stop! Mommy! Isis, save me! I won't bother you ever again! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Does that ring a bell, Malik?" asked Isis.  
  
"But you didn't help me!" said Malik, glaring at Isis.  
  
"Oh, and you showed your unhappiness when you blew up my principal's chair at my graduation!" said Isis mirthlessly.  
  
"Wait a minute!" said Yami Bakura loudly, "You blew up her principal's chair?"  
  
"I meant to blow him up," said Malik, "But he went to the bathroom at the most inopportune time."  
  
"Well, at least everyone at my school knew I was related to you. And I was actually popular before that," said Isis.  
  
"Believe me, I know. Lots of people called you when you weren't home. One of them seemed to be my age and had this really weird accent," said Malik thoughtfully. Joey coughed uncomfortably and Seto glared at him. How did he get her phone number? Though Seto angrily.  
  
"Well, enough chit chat. Right Isis?" said Joey.  
  
"Enough! I want my money, and I want it now!" screamed Yami.  
  
"Like I said, there's a mistake. You aren't getting a penny of my money, Yami."  
  
"Seto, you agreed to the stakes and it was your money that was being offered. In other words, you have an obligation to pay up," said Yami.  
  
"Do you have any proof?" asked Seto, knowing that Yami couldn't possibly have any.  
  
"Everyone heard you. Right?" asked Yami, looking around for support. Everyone shook his or her head in unison. Seto wasn't penniless yet, so it was frightening what a powerful person could do.  
  
"I have another form of proof," said Joey, eager to see Seto's demise.  
  
"What?" asked Seto, disbelieving. Joey produced a small tape recorder. He turned it on, and Yami's voice poured from it.  
  
"Well, if I win, I get your three BEWDs, your crush card, and every single penny of your money. If you win, you get to keep all of it," he said.  
  
"Okay," came Seto's voice.  
  
"I do not sound like that!" screamed Seto.  
  
"You were drunk," said Isis.  
  
"Shut up you little-"  
  
"Malik, I will slap you," said Isis.  
  
"Point well taken." Seto had a decision to make. Should he give up all his money? Wait-this wasn't a choice matter. He had to do it.  
  
"Okay," he said glumly. Seto handed over his treasured cards. He then went to get his credit cards, checkbooks, bank card, and all the money that was in currency form.  
  
"Here," he said half-heartedly. Yami took it all happily.  
  
"Now get out of my house!" screamed Seto.  
  
"No, no," said Yami, smirking, "This house isn't yours anymore. Everyone can stay, eat, drink, and be merry, but you have to leave."  
  
"And just where do you expect me to go?!" asked Seto.  
  
"I know! You can go live with Isis! That way, you can get married, and I can have a family!" said Mokuba happily. And no, he wasn't drunk anymore.  
  
Isis blushed deeply, and Malik, going into protective brother mode, noticed this.  
  
"Isis?" he asked. Unlike Isis, Seto, in his very ticked off mood, managed to find words.  
  
"Mokuba, what the hell are you talking about?" Isis glared at Seto.  
  
"More vocabulary enhancers!" said Mokuba happily.  
  
"Thanks, Kaiba! I appreciate the way you make it seem like I'm too disgusting for you!" she said angrily.  
  
"Ooooooooo! Dis!" screamed Malik, "So, I guess he's not the one for you, is he, Isis?"  
  
"Malik, are you high or something? Why do you suddenly care about me? I thought you hated me!" said Isis, still glaring at Seto.  
  
"Well...ah, forget it!" said Malik.  
  
"Seto, get out of my house!" screamed Yami.  
  
"No way in hell," said Seto, "I am not being kicked out of my own house!"  
  
"Like I said, this isn't your house anymore," said Yami.  
  
"You'll pay for this, Yami! I'll make sure of that!" screamed Seto.  
  
"I'm sure I will," said Yami, scoffing.  
  
"Before I go, certain arrangements will have to be made. Mokuba, you can't live here anymore. You have to live with someone I can trust," said Seto thoughtfully. Yugi inched closer.  
  
"Bak-no, not with his insane yami around." Yugi inched even closer.  
  
"I see you, but I don't trust you, you moron. Your yami got me into this mess!" said Seto angrily to Yugi.  
  
"What can I say? It's just part of my darker half's charming personality," said Yugi worshipfully.  
  
"Isis! You're the only one I can trust out of all these morons. Can you please take care of Mokuba?" asked Seto, trying to put on a puppy-eye look.  
  
"No."  
  
"Please Isis! I really need your help!"  
  
"I'm too disgusting for you or your brother."  
  
"You're not too disgusting for me!" Joey cut in.  
  
"Back off, Jounouchi! Isis is my girlfriend!" screamed Yami, jolting from his money counting activity.  
  
"Why don't the both of you go stuff your head down a drain pipe and make my life easier? The whole lot of you are fools not even worthy of my time," said Isis angrily. This whole Seto thing was really starting to get to her.  
  
"Yeah! Besides! Isis and Seto are going to get married! So go...er...%^^(*&)_*(^$$@#*(_)(_)(+_)((&&^^%$$#@*)(_)( !" said Mokuba.  
  
"Mokuba, if you continue to say words like that, I will make you live with Yami," threatened Seto.  
  
"Cool! We'll be best buds!" said Mokuba.  
  
"Mokuba!"  
  
"Just kidding, Seto."  
  
"Kaiba, you do realize that I harbor a lunatic in my household. You really wish for him to stay with me? Besides, due to the fact that I'm an archaeologist, I travel around a lot," said Isis.  
  
"Please, Isis!" said Seto, very desperately.  
  
"Forget her, I'll take care of him," said Tea.  
  
"Hell no, you ballet addict! My brother is not staying with you!" said Seto.  
  
"Fine, Seto, I'll save you from your desperation. But where will you live?" asked Isis.  
  
"With us!" said Mokuba gleefully.  
  
"Mokuba, you don't know when to quit, do you?" asked Isis.  
  
"I'll find somewhere to stay, don't you worry, Isis," said Seto.  
  
"I never said I was worried. I just don't want anything to happen to you-"  
  
Isis wasn't able to complete her sentence due to the fact that Malik groaned very loudly and fainted.  
  
"I was going to say that I don't want anything to happen to you," said Isis, and Seto's eyes lit up, "because you're the only family member Mokuba has left."  
  
"Oh," said Seto, who was expecting something like, "I don't want anything to happen to you because I want to give the rest of the God Cards to you." It was funny, because just as he had these thoughts, Yami spoke.  
  
"Oh, and I want your Obelisk the Tormentor card," he said.  
  
"That wasn't part of the deal," said Seto, "and there's nothing you can possibly do to make me give it up."  
  
"Seto, why don't you return it to me for safekeeping? After all, you will be living outside and who knows what'll happen to you," said Isis.  
  
"Fine, here," said Seto, giving her the card.  
  
"Good luck, Kaiba, because you'll be needing it," said Joey, "The streets aren't a very pretty place."  
  
"And neither is your face, Joey, but thanks anyway," said Seto, "Good- bye, Mokuba."  
  
"No, Seto! You can leave! When will I see you again?!" screamed Mokuba.  
  
"Don't worry, Mokuba, I'll be back. Bye," said Seto.  
  
"Bye," said Mokuba, nudging Isis.  
  
"Bye, Kaiba," said Isis, looking at her unconscious younger brother and wondering why he couldn't be like Mokuba.  
  
Seto left, leaving Yami as the man of the house. Isis definitely didn't want to stick around and watch how fate was going to unfold, so she took Malik by his hair and began to drag him outside. She smiled to herself every time he bumped into a step.  
  
"Isis?" asked Mokuba, when they were in her limo. (A/N: She is a famous archaeologist, so I wouldn't be surprised if she was rich.)  
  
"What?" asked Isis, struggling to hear over her brother's snores.  
  
"What will-oh, never mind," said Mokuba. He didn't think that he wanted to know what would happen.  
  
  
  
Seto: That was so wrong! I do not like HER!  
  
Isis: You retard! And just what's wrong with me?!  
  
Malik: Well, for one thing, the people who translate the show screwed up your name.  
  
Isis: Wow! They named me Ishizu! Like I care! They screwed up your voice. You sound like some gay Mexican dude.  
  
Malik: No that was Shadi! But my voice sucks anyway! Who the *beep* says words like "buffoon"? I would have said something like: Get off the floor, you %*%^$% %$$#0&^!  
  
JK: Thank you for that wonderful English lesson, Malik.  
  
Malik: And they made me sound like I talk through my nose!  
  
Isis: So you're French. But what is it with them? Are they on drugs or something? When the name isn't supposed sound Japanese, they make it sound Japanese! I liked my name! I like being named after an Egyptian goddess!  
  
Malik: Don't be so modest.  
  
Isis: Shut up, Terence!  
  
Malik: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Isis: That's what they might make your name! Or Marik.  
  
Malik: I am so screwed.  
  
Isis (grinning evilly): Yes, you are.  
  
JK: Anyway, I refuse to refer to Isis as Ishizu and Malik as Marik or Terence. That is just so stupid.  
  
Seto: I'm happy with my name and my voice.  
  
JK: I hope that spark of happiness won't go out Seto, because you're about to be very unhappy. Give it until the next chapter.  
  
Seto: Thanks, I feel so happy.  
  
(Tea approaches Malik with a match.)  
  
Malik: Tea, what the hell do you think you're doing?! Get away from me, you Yugi addict!  
  
(Tea ignores this and lights the match. She sets Malik's shirt on fire.)  
  
Malik: Oh, crap! I'm on fire! That's it, you-  
  
Tea: Just take it off!  
  
JK: I have a better idea. A much better idea.  
  
(JK spills a bucket of water on Malik.)  
  
Malik: Thank you! You would make a much better Pharaoh than Yami. You actually care about people.  
  
Yami: Great, now my title is being taken away.  
  
JK: Don't have a cow, Yami. I won't take your meager title.  
  
Yami: Meager? MEAGER?! HOW DARE YOU?!  
  
JK: Please review! Thanks!  
  
Yami: HOW DARE YOU CALL MY TITLE MEAGER?! NO ONE HAS EVER DARED TO DO THAT!  
  
Seto: I like my title better. At least I actually did something!  
  
Yami: YOU MADE HUMAN SACRIFICES TO THE BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON! THERE'S NOTHING NOBLE ABOUT THAT! I WAS PHARAOH! PHARAOH! NOT A MEAGER PRIEST! THERE!  
  
Seto: I owned the Millennium Rod. And I actually dueled for myself.  
  
Yami: I DID DUEL FOR MYSELF, YOU REJECT!  
  
Seto: Sure you did.  
  
Yami: YES, I MOST CERTAINLY DID! DIE PRIEST! DIE!  
  
Seto: Just because you can't die, doesn't mean it should go to your head. Like everything else about you.  
  
Yami: IF I COULD, I WOULD...I WOULD...  
  
Seto: You couldn't do anything to me.  
  
Yami: ROT IN-  
  
JK: Yami, you need to shut up.  
  
Seto: Hey, been there, done that.  
  
Yami: I'M VERY SURE ABOUT THAT! AND MEAGER? HOW DARE ANYONE CALL MY TITLE MEAGER?!  
  
JK: That's going to get very annoying.  
  
Seto: You know, JK, I think I might have some happiness to hold on to after all. 


	5. No, the Streets Aren't a Pretty Place

Broke!- Chapter 5: No, the Streets Aren't A Pretty Place  
  
JK: Hi everyone!  
  
Yami: MEAGER?! MEAGER?! YOU FOOLISH MORTALS! I WILL TAKE YOU BY YOUR TOES AND HANG YOU FROM A CLIFF! THEN I WILL ROAST YOUR BRAINS AND USE IT AS HAMBURGER MEAT!  
  
JK: Yami, shut up! You moron! You want me to raise the rating so everyone that you're ticking off can curse you out without censors?  
  
Yami: MORTALS! YOU SHALL ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!  
  
(Malik decided to take the matter into his own hands. He uses the Millennium Rod to control Yami. Yami then takes a mallet and whacks his own head. He faints.)  
  
JK: Thank you, Malik!  
  
Malik: Sure. (Bows to JK.)  
  
JK: I could get used to this.  
  
Isis: I hope you die, Kaiba!  
  
Seto: Why am I constantly getting death threats?  
  
JK: What did you say to her now?  
  
Seto: That she should pay more attention to my desire for the God Cards.  
  
Isis: Oh, if I had Malik's powers I would so hurt you! Or, get you to hurt yourself.  
  
Seto: But you don't! Ha! In your face!  
  
Mokuba: You fight like an old married couple!  
  
Isis and Seto: Keep out of this, you immature bed-wetting punk!  
  
JK: When they say their insults in perfect synchrony, you know they like eachother.  
  
Isis and Seto: We do not! Stop mimicking me! I said stop! I will hurt you! Yeah right!  
  
JK: Okay, people, I get it. Just stop doing that.  
  
Isis and Seto: Okay then!  
  
JK: Oh, god...  
  
Yami: Hiya!  
  
JK: You sure take naps quickly.  
  
Yami: I know.  
  
JK: Okay, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of the characters. But I do own this idea...  
  
Seto (sarcastically): Oh, what joy!  
  
JK: Seto...  
  
Seto: I'm not going to shut up! I am not your puppet! I will not shut up!  
  
JK: I can see that.  
  
Seto: Good! Because I-  
  
Yami (hungrily): Just start the story!  
  
  
  
"Mokuba, didn't Seto ever get you help for this problem?" asked Isis wearily.  
  
"He wet my bed! That disgusting moron wet my bed! And I had to sleep on the couch!" screamed Malik, "How come he took my place?!"  
  
"Just shut up, Malik. He's only going to be here for a little while until Seto can figure out a way to get his money back from Yami," said Isis, "In the meantime, Mokuba, change the covers. I don't have servants, so you're going to have to take care of your own chores."  
  
"Isis, are you mad at me?" asked Mokuba.  
  
"Just change the covers! And you're sleeping on the couch tomorrow!" screamed Malik.  
  
"I didn't know your name was Isis," said Isis, "No, Mokuba, I'm not mad at you."  
  
"But I am, you disgusting brother-of-a-"  
  
"Malik, I am warning you," said Isis.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I almost insulted your boyfriend!"  
  
"Do you want me to kick you out again?" asked Isis.  
  
"I'll get the popcorn!" Mokuba said gleefully. When Isis and Malik started arguing, it went on for hours. It was also very interesting.  
  
Seto, of course, wasn't happy. He was forced to sleep on a bench, and he was now wandering around, looking for a place to get food. Then he had an idea. Seto dug through a few garbage cans until he found a piece of paper and a marker. On it he wrote, "Will work for food and money." After he peeled the food off it to make it look halfway presentable, he sat on the sidewalk and held it up. This is so brandishing to my dignity, he thought gloomily.  
  
Seto probably sat there for hours, but no one offered him a job or shelter of any sort. He eventually dozed off, but a familiar voice awoke him.  
  
"Look, Isis, it's a bum! Can I throw rocks at him?" came the voice.  
  
"NO, Mokuba," said Isis.  
  
"But he's so pathetic looking!" continued Mokuba.  
  
"No, Mokuba," said Isis.  
  
"Please!" begged Mokuba.  
  
"Tell you what. I'll let you throw rocks at Malik. Okay?" offered Isis.  
  
"Okay! But can I give him a dollar?" asked Mokuba.  
  
"Fine. Here," said Isis, giving Mokuba a dollar. Mokuba ran over to Seto, but Seto shielded his eyes.  
  
"Here, mister!" said Mokuba, handing Seto a dollar. Seto took it happily, making a mental note to repay Isis. Mokuba, however, didn't seem to want to leave. Isis had to come over there.  
  
"Mokuba, we have to go. Sorry, sir, he's a bit high-strung," explained Isis. He didn't fool her, though. Seto could wear a dress, make- up, and a wig for all she cared, she'd still know it was him. But for Mokuba's sake, she wouldn't say anything.  
  
"I'll repay you one day," said Seto, making his voice deeper. Oh, great, now I sound like an old man, thought Seto.  
  
"I'm sure you will," said Isis, smiling. And with that, she grabbed Mokuba's hand and walked away from Seto. Seto frowned and sighed. No one had offered him a job. He was presentable; he didn't smell yet. His clothes weren't torn. So what was the problem? Wait, maybe that was the problem. He needed some ugly clothes. Perhaps people thought he was faking being homeless. And for the clothes, there was only one person to turn to...  
  
Seto rang Yugi's doorbell fervently. He needed clothes! That puny idiot better be home, thought Seto, Well at least Yami won't be there. He's too busy spending my money. Finally, Yugi answered the door.  
  
"Kaiba? What a pleasant surp-"  
  
"Skip the introductions. I'm not here for a tea party. This is strictly business," said Seto.  
  
"Okay, then. What do you want?" asked Yugi.  
  
"Can I borrow some of your clothes?" asked Seto quickly.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I mean the clothes that are too big on you."  
  
"Why don't you come in?" asked Yugi reluctantly. Seto needed to sit down, he had been walking for hours. Why did Yugi have to live so far away? Seto entered the house and sat down.  
  
"Well if it ain't Kaiba," said a voice.  
  
"Hello, Chihuahua," said Seto, not even looking up.  
  
"I am not a Chihuahua!" screamed Joey.  
  
"Aren't you late for your rabies vaccinations?" asked Seto.  
  
"Why you-"  
  
"Actually, we're waiting for Yami to arrive. He's coming in a limo! We're going to go for a joy ride through the city. Then he's taking me, and only me, shopping!" said Tea dreamily.  
  
"Reality check, hag. He's probably going to ditch you at the mall," said Seto. Luckily, before Tea had time to reply, Yugi arrived carrying some clothes. Seto grimaced. He couldn't believe that he had to wear that!  
  
"Here Seto, I managed to find something that might fit you. My parents bought this for me, and they hardly know I exist so you can't expect them to know my size."  
  
"Maybe they figured you were the same size as most normal fifteen- year-olds," said Seto, "Never mind. At least now I can pass as a homeless person."  
  
"That's it, Kaiba! Prepare to be hurt very badly!" screamed Tea.  
  
"Yugi scares me more than you do, Tea," said Seto calmly. With that, he got up to leave. But whom should he meet at the door but Yami?  
  
"Having fun, Kaiba?" asked Yami, "I know I am."  
  
"Mark my words, you moron. I will get my revenge!" Seto pushed Yami out of his way and proceeded out the door.  
  
"I hate him! Stupid Pharaoh!" screamed Seto. A few people stopped to stare at him. After all, this was the 21st century. Pharaohs didn't exist anymore, so this person couldn't have known any personally.  
  
"Wait, aren't you Seto Kaiba?" asked a teenage girl.  
  
"No, I'm his twin brother," said Seto.  
  
"You know, I think your brother is so cool! The way he pushed his step father out the window...so cool! But he was a real ditz to lose his money to Yugi Mutou. You know, he's way cuter than you are. Are you sure you're his twin brother? Anyway, I can't believe that Isis Ishtar invited him to a private exhibition that day! I bet they secretly went out or something. Oh, and you know what? I so totally wish I had his autograph! Do you think you could get one for me? Maybe you could get him to meet me in person! That would be so cool! My boyfriend would get really angry though. I don't know if you know him, but his name is Joey Wheeler. Ever heard of him? I don't think you have, he is such a commoner! Wait whatever happened to your brother? Is he living outside? I hope so. Maybe I can invite him to live with me! I could give him Joey's house! Maybe we'll get married and I'll get a BIG wedding with a lot of people! What do you think?" the girl rattled on and on.  
  
"Well, I'd advise you not to hold your breath. Seto Kaiba doesn't go for people like you!" said Seto angrily.  
  
"Oh, I knew it! He's taken, isn't he? By who? I bet it's that Ishtar girl! Is it?" asked the hyper teenager. Seto turned crimson.  
  
"Well, no, he's not taken. But I'll say it again. Why would he go for someone like you? I mean, you fit more words into one minute than anyone I've ever met," said Seto, "I don't think he'd fit one word in."  
  
"Well, I bet he's not as big a jerk as you are! Oh, wait, can I have your autograph?" she asked hopefully.  
  
"No," said Seto. He walked away from her. That was by far the most annoying thing that had happened to him. But what bothered him most was the fact that people already knew about his huge blunder. Yami would really pay for this! Seto entered a restaurant and snuck into the bathroom. There he changed into Yugi's disgusting clothes. Seto looked in the mirror, horrified at his reflection. He was wearing ugly non-designer jeans that were to short to be pants, too long to be shorts. He was also wearing an ugly t-shirt that was too short as well. Oh, great, it looks like I'm wearing a belly shirt. Now people are going to think that I'm gay! He thought. To make himself look better, he pulled on the jacket Yugi had given him. Luckily, that wasn't too short. He sighed and snuck out.  
  
It was getting hot, and Seto sat on a bench in the shade of a tree. He held up his sign again. People passed by, not even paying attention to him. He figured it was his sign that was the problem. He crossed out the word money so the sign read "Will work for food."  
  
He sat there, pathetically holding the sign. He was about to doze off again when something wet landed on his head.  
  
"Oh, crap!" he yelled, tugging at his hair. His suspicions were confirmed. He had bird poop in his hair! Seto ripped off a piece of the pants he was wearing and did his best to clean it out.  
  
As he was cleaning his hair, someone ran out of nowhere and jumped onto him.  
  
"Big brother!" squealed Mokuba, hugging Seto fervently.  
  
"Mokuba, get off me," said Seto. But even though he sounded indifferent, Seto hugged Mokuba back. Isis ran over there.  
  
"Mokuba! I told you not to run across the street! How does Seto control you?" asked Isis.  
  
"I found Seto!" cried Mokuba happily.  
  
"Nice choice of miss-matched clothes, Seto. Oh, and I like the little accessory in your hair," said Isis, smirking.  
  
"Ha ha, very funny. Don't you have a lunatic to be baby-sitting?" asked Seto.  
  
"What does it look like I'm doing?" asked Isis. Mokuba understood the joke, and laughed. Seto, of course, understood the joke, and screamed.  
  
"Shut up! I bet insanity runs in your family, and that's why you're so stupid," Isis looked like a teapot that was boiling for so long it was on the verge of exploding.  
  
"Have fun in the streets, Seto! Because I would rather die before helping you! And I'm sure all the other people you know feel the same way!" she screamed, "Come on, Mokuba. Let's go."  
  
"So I guess this means you're not getting married, huh?" said Mokuba, looking at his feet.  
  
"No, Mokuba," said Isis and Seto in unison. (A/N: They do that a lot, don't they?)  
  
"Oh," said Mokuba, "Bye Seto." Isis was anxious to leave, and she tugged at his hand.  
  
"Let's go Mokuba!" she said unhappily.  
  
"Bye Mokuba," said Seto. Mokuba once again nudged Isis, but Isis chose to ignore it this time. Just as they were about to leave, a limousine pulled over. The back window opened, and Yami looked out.  
  
"Hop in, Isis! I'll give you a lift," said Yami, attempting to be cool. (A/N: I don't get it. I always make Yami seem like a total loser. Oh well. Back to the story.)  
  
Isis took a look at the other people in the car, and saw Joey, Tristan, and none other than Malik! He must be drunk, thought Isis.  
  
"Hey, sissy! What up? I was just hangin' with my buds. Wanna come?" said Malik. His words were barely decipherable, so Isis was sure he was drunk.  
  
Malik turned green in the face and then retched in a CLEAR plastic bag.  
  
"Aw, man, I told you not to mix beer with cognac!" screamed Joey, moving away from Malik. Malik continued retching violently.  
  
"Yugi is such a wimp. That was so much fun! I can't believe he refused to come," said Yami.  
  
"Oh, and when you ditched Tea at the mall, too cool!" said Malik, who had finally stopped retching.  
  
"No, thanks, I have my own car," said Isis, not wanting to hear, or see, anymore of this.  
  
"Come on sissy, chill wid us!" Malik said.  
  
"Number one, get rid of that stupid Brooklyn accent. Number two, don't ever call me sissy again. And number three, I would rather date Kaiba than join you and your moronic friends!" screamed Isis.  
  
"Oh, I knew it! You like that rich-"  
  
"Mokuba is right here, Malik. And we wouldn't want him hearing any bad words," said Isis quickly, "Now, excuse me while I go search for a bit of sanity. Oh, and Malik, why don't you sleep at Yami's new house? There's plenty of room. Or sleep in the streets for all I care. Just don't come home."  
  
"Wait, how do you know that?" asked Malik suspiciously.  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"That Seto's house is big! I knew you've been there! Okay, that's it! I'm going to watch you like a hawk! He's too young for you Isis! You can't be-"  
  
"Malik, shut up!" said Isis, looking around. The last think she needed was for Seto to hear all of this. But to her surprise...and relief, Seto was no where in sight.  
  
"Well, Mokuba, we better get going," said Isis. And with that, she and Mokuba walked away.  
  
"Such morons," Isis muttered under her breath.  
  
To say the least, Seto was disgusted. His money, the money he had devoted most of his life to acquiring, was being spent on- he didn't even want to think about it. What more could go wrong in one day? Well, he was about to find out.  
  
Without even realizing it, Seto had wandered into an alleyway. People began to follow him. Seto, wallowing in his misery, didn't even notice. Until one of them spoke.  
  
"Seto Kaiba!" Seto seemed to wake up.  
  
"What?" he asked, turning around. But he didn't like who he saw...  
  
...it was quite plainly some of Malik's rare hunters. And just because Seto was broke, didn't mean that he wasn't snobby.  
  
"Ah, I see. Your leader goes off and gets drop dead drunk, and leaves you goons to do his dirty work. And I presume you want my rare cards?" he said.  
  
"Yes, we do."  
  
"Well, I'm not sorry to inform you, but I don't have them," said Seto, beginning to walk away from Malik's slaves. On of them swiftly stepped in front of him.  
  
"Kaiba, we could do this the hard way," he said.  
  
"Or, I could drop you where you stand," said Seto, glaring at the Rare Hunter. He was definitely not to be trifled with today. Actually, any day when he was living outside.  
  
Someone tried to land a blow on Seto's head from behind, but he was well prepared and ducked. He spotted a standard kitchen knife on the ground lying in a pile of garbage, and he quickly picked up. Seto grabbed the person closest to him, and put the knife near his neck.  
  
"You step away, or your colleague dies," he said. And he was full willing to hurt them all. The Rare Hunters were strongly reminded of their leader, Malik Ishtar.  
  
"Hey, Kaiba!" said a very happy voice. Seto turned around, his hand never leaving the Rare Hunter's neck. But Seto didn't really know what happened next. But his last thought was, "Ow."  
  
As it turned out, drunken Malik Ishtar had arrived at the scene. When he hit Seto over the head with a broken (and heavy) lamp, he didn't really realize what he was doing. It just seemed like it was something he had been wanting to do for a long time. But to a different person...an older person...a few millennia older person...  
  
"Hey peeps!" said Malik. His workers stared at him fearfully.  
  
"What?" he asked stupidly. One of them finally had the courage to speak.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.  
  
"What? Oh, you mean why I knocked out my future brother-in law? I don't know. It seemed like a good idea.  
  
"Okay," they said. The Rare Hunters decided to leave their insane leader. And that's just what they did.  
  
Tea came running toward Malik.  
  
"Oh, great! Have you seen Yami? I really want to give him a piece of my mind! I cannot believe he ditched me! That arrogant Seto Kaiba was right!" she screamed. Tea was about to say something else, but she spotted Kaiba.  
  
"What happened to him?"  
  
"I hit him," said Malik coolly.  
  
"Whatever. Have you seen Yami, then?" she asked.  
  
"He's back at the car. Why?" asked Malik. Tea felt that Malik needed help, and she should be his friend, blah blah blah blah blah. So she started to drag him toward where he said the car should be.  
  
"Yami! You moron! How dare you ditch me and fulfill Kaiba's prophecy?!" she screamed, pushing Malik in.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I just forgot you were there," Yami lied.  
  
"Oh, okay then!" she said, swooning. Yami thought, Where's a camera when you need one? Wait, what's a camera?  
  
"Isis, where will Seto sleep?!" asked Mokuba worriedly.  
  
"He'll find a place to sleep, don't you worry Mokuba," she said. Mokuba continued to stare out the window.  
  
"But what if he gets hurt? Oh, Isis!" Mokuba began to cry.  
  
"Mokuba, Seto's a pretty good fighter. He'll be fine in the event that he gets attacked," she said. This calmed Mokuba a bit. But how very wrong she was...  
  
  
  
JK: That was so corny.  
  
Seto: How dare you knock me out, you hideous excuse for a human being?!  
  
Malik: Hey, I was drunk.  
  
Seto: I'm sure you were.  
  
Malik: Fine don't believe me.  
  
Seto (to JK): I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!  
  
JK: You're going to hate me even more once you find out who you're going to work for...  
  
Seto: No, not-  
  
JK: Yes, him.  
  
Seto: I hate you! I hate you!  
  
JK: Hey, you don't know what the final outcome of the story will be.  
  
Seto: I better not have any bruises on my face.  
  
(JK laughs nervously.)  
  
Seto: Don't tell me that I will have bruises on my face!  
  
JK: Okay, I won't.  
  
Isis: Ha ha! You're going to look even uglier now!  
  
Seto: Shut up, sister of an insane person!  
  
Isis: Was that an insult?  
  
JK: Okay, please review while I keep these "enemies" from killing eachother. Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry if I offended anyone's opinions in this story! 


	6. Amnesia and Theft

Broke!-Chapter 6: Amnesia and Theft  
  
  
  
JK: Hi! I've actually found some extra time on my hands.  
  
Seto: Oh, and is that supposed to make me happy?  
  
JK: No, but it might make other people happy.  
  
Yami: Like me!  
  
JK: Okay, now to continue with the story-  
  
Yugi: I know a story! I know a story!  
  
JK: Okay, Yugi, tell us a story.  
  
Yugi: There were once three bears and they made porridge-  
  
JK: Uh, no, Yugi.  
  
Yami: I have one! Long ago, when the pyramids were still young, Egyptian kings played a game of great and terrible power. But the shadow games soon erupted into a war that threatened to destroy the entire world. Until a brave and powerful Pharaoh- that's me, by the way- locked the magic away.Imprisoning it within the mystical Millennium Items. Now, five thousand years later, a boy named Yugi unlocks the secret of the Millennium Puzzle- it took the runt like five years! He is infused with ancient magical energies-MY ancient magical energies-for destiny has chosen him to defend the world from the return of the shadow games just as the brave Pharaoh- yup, me the brave Pharaoh whose glory is hogged by the puny idiot- did five thousand years ago.  
  
(He looks around and finds everyone asleep.)  
  
Yami: Weren't you all listening?!  
  
Seto: No, but I have a story. A nice and short story.  
  
JK: Okay Seto, entertain us.  
  
Seto: Tea walked into a shop where they sold mirrors. The shop closed down.  
  
(Everyone, except Tea, begins to laugh.)  
  
Yami: I have to admit that was good!  
  
Dark Shadows (a friend of mine): Yay Yami! (She glomps Yami.)  
  
JK: Malik, you rock! (High fives Malik.)  
  
Malik: I know. (kisses Millennium Rod)  
  
(JK sighs and Dark shadows comes out of her trance.)  
  
Dark shadows: Hey! I like Seto! (glomps Seto)  
  
Seto: Ouch! You're worse than Tea!  
  
Dark Shadows (after gasping): How dare you compare me to her?!  
  
Seto: It's easier than it looks.  
  
JK: He has a point.  
  
Yami: Definitely.  
  
(Dark Shadows glares at JK.)  
  
JK: Sorry, but I just had to!  
  
Seto: Can we start this thing? I don't like the way your friend is looking at me.  
  
JK (snickering): You must be very afraid of her, considering you'd rather be poor than face her.  
  
Seto: I knew it! Your presence brings despair!  
  
Yami: For you, anyway.  
  
Mokuba: Do Seto and Isis get married?  
  
JK (calmly), Seto and Isis (not exactly calmly): No!  
  
Mokuba (sadly): Oh.  
  
Dark Shadows: And that's because Seto will marry me! See? Here's the engagement ring! (shows her hand which, by the way, has no ring on it)  
  
JK: Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.  
  
Seto: Besides, I would rather marry Is- scratch that.  
  
Isis: You conceited jerk!  
  
JK: Here we go again. Anyway, for a new twist, Dark shadows can do the disclaimer.  
  
Dark Shadows: No!  
  
(Malik holds up the Millennium Rod.)  
  
Dark Shadows: I mean, of course. JK doesn't own anything.  
  
JK: Yes I do. I own clothes and Duel Monsters cards and-  
  
Seto: And this miserable plotline.  
  
JK: That too.  
  
Seto: But you don't own us.  
  
JK: That too.  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
Seto had no clue what had happened to him. The only thing he was aware of was the throbbing headache that engulfed his senses. He looked at his surroundings. Oh, yeah, sure, wonderful, he thought, finding himself lying in a pile of garbage.  
  
"Why am I forced to endure this?!" he screamed. Luckily, no one was around to hear him conversing with himself. Seto got up, and stood as long as pain would permit him. Then he collapsed.  
  
"Oh, man. I feel like I got hit by a truck," he said to himself.  
  
"No, it was actually Malik," said a voice. Seto turned to find Isis Ishtar, standing and smiling.  
  
"Isis, you do care!" said Seto. Isis turned red, but not from embarrassment.  
  
"You better watch what you say, Kaiba! Or else I'll add another bruise to that empty head of yours!" she screamed.  
  
"Oh," said Seto, embarrassed because of his mistake. What can I say? Getting hit in the head with a lamp can make people do strange things. But then the smug and vain Seto returned.  
  
"Oh, really? You don't care? Then explain to me what exactly you want to do in an alley way at this time in the morning," said Seto. Isis didn't even respond. She just looked Seto in the eye, and allowed Mokuba to do her work for her. He emerged from behind her, and squealed.  
  
"Seto! Seto! Seto!" Mokuba jumped onto his brother.  
  
"Ow," was the only thing Seto could manage to say.  
  
"To put it shortly, Kaiba, the only reason that I'm here is because Mokuba was worried about you and asked me to see how you were," said Isis, indicating the Millennium Tauk. (A/N: Also known as the Millennium Necklace in the dubbed.)  
  
"Ooooooo! Is that gold?" asked Seto, looking a little dazed.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Is that gold?" he repeated.  
  
"Er.yeah."  
  
"How much could I sell it for if I jumped you, do you think?" said Seto. Yes, the after effects of getting hit in the head by a heavy lamp are quite harsh.  
  
"Seto, what in the name of Ra is wrong with you?" asked Isis.  
  
"Who's Seto, by the way?" asked Seto. Isis face faulted.  
  
"You're Seto, silly!" said Mokuba.  
  
"Okay. And who are you?" he asked.  
  
"Mokuba, your brother."  
  
"That's funny, I don't seem to remember you," said Seto thoughtfully, "Oh, nice place. Do you live here?"  
  
"No, but you do."  
  
"Really? I deserve better than this, I daresay," said Seto. Isis found herself in a very delicate predicament.  
  
"Excuse me? Can you please tell me about yourself?" she asked.  
  
"Well, I was born on-oh! What odd clothing! They don't have this where I come from. Anyway, I am a priest. It's a very important job. I am forced to feed human sacrifices to the Blue Eyes White Dragon. It's actually fun. I used to be the Pharaoh's closest adviser, but he was a dung brain so I gave that up. I like annoying the Pharaoh by stealing all of his- "  
  
"Never mind about that!" said Isis quickly, not wanting Mokuba to get any ideas, "Now, what did you say your name was?"  
  
"You know, I can't remember! It seems like it's been five thousand years since I last used it. I also like Shadow Games. I love the way people scream when they lose! Someone might go so far as to call me malicious. And also-"Seto cut himself off, noticing Isis' Millennium Item.  
  
"Can it be?! It's the Millennium Tauk! How can a mortal such as you possess one? Though, I must admit, you are a good looking mortal. Answer the question, peasant!" said Priest Seto. Isis resisted the urge to punch him.  
  
"Fate," she said.  
  
"Oh, well what a coincidence! I happen to possess an item as well. The Millennium Rod. Now," he said, searching for the Rod. But as he continued to look, one thing was becoming very clear to him.  
  
"Well?" asked Isis, smirking.  
  
"BY RA! I'VE BEEN ROBBED!" screamed Seto. Isis wasn't at all surprised.  
  
"What a shame," she said, putting on a look of compassion. But really, she couldn't be happier.  
  
"We must find it! That Rod means more than the world to me! It means more than life itself! I need that item! I was planning on having it placed in my tomb upon my death!" panicked Seto.  
  
"It means more than me?" asked Mokuba, starting to cry.  
  
"Of course, insolent human!" said Seto, frantically digging through garbage. But then he found something that made him forget about the Rod entirely.  
  
"Oooooooooo! What's this?" he asked, indicating a telephone.  
  
"That's called a phone," said Isis, sighing.  
  
"What's it do?" asked Seto curiously.  
  
"Never mind that!" Isis snapped. She grabbed Mokuba's hand, and began to walk away. But Mokuba grabbed Seto's hand, dragging him along. Isis grimaced. How long would she be forced to endure this?  
  
Priest Seto was making quite a few observations, and asking annoying questions at the same time.  
  
"Wow, look at that! Why is it moving so fast? Oh, what's this hard substance that we are walking upon? What does that say? I cannot understand it. Why do you people dress so strange? Except for you, everyone has no fashion sense! Oh Ra! It's a metal bird in the sky!" That was about a quarter of what he said. And gradually, he was becoming very hard to understand. Seto was forgetting English! (A/N: I know that they speak Japanese, but for the sake of this story, they speak English!) Isis, being an archaeologist, could understand his ancient Egyptian speech, but Mokuba, and everyone else around them, was looking very confused.  
  
"Priest, can you please shut up?" asked Isis in ancient Egyptian.  
  
"Now I can understand you!" said Seto. (A/N: Please note that whenever Isis is talking to Seto, it will be in ancient Egyptian but when she talks to everyone else, it will be in English.)  
  
Seto's stupidity had not ended. He found his curiosity dragging him toward the street, and he ran in front of a city bus. The driver swerved around just an inch from Seto, crashing into a tree.  
  
"You $^%&@! Now I'm going to get fired! What the @*$% are you doing on the road, you &^#? Get the *%^$ away from here!" cursed the bus driver. Seto stared in awe.  
  
"What beautiful words he's using, Isis!" said Seto, recording in Ancient Egyptian the way they sound.  
  
"Er, Priest? He's cursing you out," said Isis, interested to see what he would do.  
  
"Seriously? Okay, that's it!" said Seto. Then he began to speak a long string of ancient Egyptian curses. Isis stared, wide-eyed. She had only heard words such as these from Yami Bakura, and at one time from Yami when Yugi lost the hair gel. Isis shuddered, remembering.  
  
"Priest, let's go," she said, tugging at his arm. Seto looked at her, and blushed.  
  
"I didn't catch your name," said Seto. Oh great, thought Isis, now he's trying to make a move on me. This kid doesn't quit.  
  
"My name is Isis." Seto's mouth dropped and if the laws of human body structure hadn't prevented it, his mouth would have made a dent in the pavement. Seto got to his knees and started to hail Isis. Isis looked nervously from side to side, as if looking for a place to hide.  
  
"I am very sorry for the foul language I have used in your presence, my Queen. Forgive me," said Seto. Do I have to say it? Isis was greatly enjoying herself. But to make it seem as if a great Egyptian goddess hadn't forgiven him, she said nothing.  
  
"Um, as punishment, you may force me to sing for the Pharaoh, my Queen. Or another unpleasant task," said Seto nervously.  
  
"I may do whatever I wish," said Isis, "But Priest, I have a confession to make. I'm not a goddess; I'm just named after one."  
  
"Oh," said Seto, getting to his feet and attempting to brush off the dirt.  
  
"This *beep* dirt isn't coming off!" he screamed.  
  
"Kaiba!" warned Isis.  
  
"Who's Kaiba?"  
  
"That's your last name," she said airily.  
  
"I have two names?!" asked Seto, "What a strange place this is."  
  
"Priest, can we just go?" asked Isis.  
  
"Wherever you lead me, Isis." Isis stared at Seto. For a second time, she had to resist the urge to hit him.  
  
"Isis," said Mokuba uncertainly, tugging at her hand, "Why is Seto acting like a moron? I mean, he hasn't said a normal word in twenty minutes." Isis stared at Mokuba, surprised at his sudden change in attitude. I guess this is how he's usually like, when Seto is sane and with him, she thought.  
  
"Well, Mokuba, when Malik hit him over the head, he seemed to have damaged Seto's brain. But I don't think it's irreversible. Seto thinks he's an ancient Egyptian priest, like he was in his past lifetime. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Isis explained.  
  
"Duh! What do you think I am, some immature little brat?" Isis chose not to answer this. She turned around, and saw that the infamous priest had disappeared.  
  
"Oh, crap," she said. She began to walk around, searching for the former power-crazy millionaire who was now reduced to a brain damaged bum.  
  
"Isis!" Seto called from a phone booth, "It's that frone thing you were telling me about!" Isis, against her own will, walked into the phone booth.  
  
"Okay, we better be going!" she said.  
  
"But how does it work?"  
  
"Okay, you take this. It's called a quarter, and it's a form of payment. You put it into the slot right there. Then you pick up the phone and press those buttons. Then it rings, and a person answers. Try it."  
  
"You mean there are people in that thing?!" asked Seto incredulously.  
  
"No! This phone connects to other phones that other people have! The person hears their phone ringing, and they answer it. In this way, you can talk to them," said Isis very slowly.  
  
"Oh! So why am I paying the phone?" asked Seto. Isis shot him an unpleasant look, so he just took the quarter from her and inserted it into the slot. Then the genius chose to dial 911.  
  
"Hello, what is your emergency?" asked a woman on the line.  
  
"Hi!" said Seto, still in ancient Egyptian.  
  
"What is your emergency?" the woman repeated.  
  
"You know, I wish I understood you," said Seto.  
  
"Do you have a freaking emergency or not?"  
  
"Um, are you mad?" asked Seto.  
  
"What language do you speak? Latin or something?" asked the woman.  
  
"Don't you insult me like that!" said Seto, thinking she was cursing at him. The woman simply saved herself the trouble and hung up.  
  
"That was fun, Isis!" said Seto, "Can I have another corder?"  
  
"It's quarter, and yes, here," she said. Seto put it in the slot and dialed a number. The line was busy.  
  
"Isis! I think the phone is mad at me!" said Seto worriedly, "It sounds odd."  
  
"The line is busy," said Isis, "meaning that the person is already talking to someone and you have to call again later."  
  
"Oh, can I have another quarter?"  
  
"Last time." Seto put the quarter in and again began to dial.  
  
"Whadaya want?" asked the person on the other end.  
  
"You sound odd," said Seto.  
  
"Who is this, callin' me at 6 o'clock in the morning on a freakin' Sunday?" Needless to say, it was Joey.  
  
"Sunday?" Seto asked.  
  
"Wait, is this Kaiba?"  
  
"No, Isis says that's my last name," said Seto, catching the part about his last name, but Joey couldn't understand him considering he was still speaking ancient Egyptian.  
  
"I definitely heard the name Isis," said Joey.  
  
"Isis, this person sounds ugly," said Seto, and Isis took the phone from him.  
  
"Who am I speaking to?" she asked.  
  
"Isis, it is you! This is Joey." Isis covered the mouthpiece.  
  
"You called Joey Wheeler?!" she asked Seto. Seto shrugged.  
  
"Okay, whatever, Joey, I have to go, bye," said Isis quickly, and hung up before Joey could even say a goodbye, "Now, out of the booth!" She and Seto got out.  
  
"Isis, are you angry?" asked Seto.  
  
"No, but now, we are going to go to the store, buy a few things that I need, and then we are going home. You will stay there until you're sane again, and then you'll go back to living in the streets. Understood?" asked Isis. Seto nodded vigorously.  
  
"Good." They entered a nearby store. It was a department store, and they had to go on the elevator. The Priest was bursting with questions again.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"It's a button, Seto."  
  
"What's it do?"  
  
"You press it and it takes you somewhere. Now enough with the brain dead questions!" They were beginning to receive strange looks from the people in the elevator.  
  
"Aren't you Seto Kaiba?" a woman asked. Seto stared at her.  
  
"No," said Isis quickly, "he's from out of town."  
  
"But I could've sworn he was Seto Kaiba. He looks exactly like him. Except for the ugly clothes, of course," the woman said.  
  
"Well, he's not Seto Kaiba."  
  
"Okay," said the woman, clearly not believing a word Isis had just said.  
  
  
  
Three stores and 199 questions later, Isis, Mokuba, and Seto were entering her limousine. Seto had more questions to ask.  
  
"How does-" Isis put her hand over his mouth.  
  
"You utter one word and I will make you rue the day you were born, I promise you that, Priest!" Seto immediately shut up. Isis settled into a seat, placing Mokuba in between her and Seto. In about twenty minutes, they had reached the Ishtar household.  
  
"There's something you should know, Priest," began Isis, "See, my brother, he doesn't really have manners and it's very likely that he won't be dressed very.appropriately." Seto was a bit confused by Isis' warning. Isis rang the doorbell and Malik, thankfully, was wearing more than just boxers and a t-shirt. But he happened to be holding a beer bottle in his hand.  
  
"Malik! How many times do I have to tell you that while I'm alive, you may not use mom's license to go and buy alcohol! Really! And why are you still in your pajamas?" screamed Isis.  
  
"Because it's seven-thirty in the morning! Dang, Isis! Who annoyed you that badly?!" asked Malik. He had, apparently, not noticed Seto.  
  
"Never mind that! Who gave you permission to drink beer at seven- thirty in the morning?! You're lucky that I let you in the house this morning!" shrieked Isis.  
  
"What? I wasn't drunk, and that's why you let me in. Besides, who will I ask permission from? Our parents' ashes?" asked Malik.  
  
"Me, you moron! You know what, just get out of my sight for a while," said Isis, and Malik did as he was told. It's a good thing he was sleepy, because he still hadn't noticed Seto.  
  
"Mokuba, can you go make breakfast?" asked Isis.  
  
"Sure! What do you want?"  
  
"You can't make anything other than pancakes," said Isis. Mokuba went into the kitchen, and Seto looked at her quizzically.  
  
"Pancakes? What means this?" he asked.  
  
"Forget the pancakes. Now, you need to change your clothes. Looks like you're going to have to wear Malik's clothing," Isis said, shuddering at the thought of Seto in a lavender shirt.  
  
She tip toed into Malik's room. Malik was sleeping on the floor, snoring louder than usual. He had apparently not made it to the bed. Unfortunately for Seto, he was blocking the closet. Isis would either have to wake him up, which she definitely wasn't planning on doing, or she would have to wait until he woke up and left the room. But as she began to quietly leave the room, the lunatic woke up.  
  
"Isis?" he murmured sleepily. He looked around, and spotted Seto.  
  
"Okay, what the hell is he doing here?!" Malik screamed. Seto waved to him.  
  
"Hello." Malik stared at him. It was true that his ancient Egyptian was rusty, but he could still understand Seto.  
  
"Isis, since when does he know how to speak ancient Egyptian?" asked Malik.  
  
"Since you hit him over the head with a lamp," said Isis calmly.  
  
"Oh, oops." said Malik. Isis faked a laugh.  
  
"Well, he's not sleeping in your room!" said Malik defensively. Isis was about to respond, but then she reconsidered. Why not mess with her insane brother's already damaged head?  
  
"And why not?" she asked.  
  
"Because-because-because-you know!" Malik stuttered.  
  
"No, I don't," said Isis.  
  
"Isis! You may not-"  
  
"Hi!" said Mokuba, breaking into the conversation.  
  
"Do I smell pancakes?" asked Malik. Without even waiting for an answer, he ran downstairs.  
  
"Well, that was easy enough," said Isis, "Now, let's see. Here's the cloak, he has about ten, a shirt, and pants. There you go, Seto!" She handed the clothing to Seto. He looked from her to the clothing.  
  
"What do I do with this?" he asked, indicating the pants and the shirt.  
  
"You put it on," said Isis.  
  
"Oh." Isis and Mokuba left the room and rushed downstairs, the smell of the pancakes being too strong for them. Half an hour later, after they had finished eating, Seto came downstairs. The only thing that was on properly was the cloak. The shirt was on backwards, and the pants were inside out. Isis sighed, but she wasn't about to say anything. Malik had a different idea about whether or not he should talk.  
  
"THOSE ARE MY CLOTHES, PRIEST! GET THEM OFF OR YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!" he screamed. Then he thought about what he just said.  
  
"You know what? You can keep them. You've already worn them, I don't want them back now." Seto stared at him. "Well you can't expect me to say it in ancient Egyptian!" Seto continued to stare.  
  
The doorbell rang, and Isis frantically said, "Go upstairs and hide in a closet."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Now!" Seto ran upstairs, and Isis opened the door. It turned out to be one of her colleagues.  
  
"Hello, Ms. Ishtar," he said.  
  
"Yeah, what do you want?" she asked. He looked at her, surprised.  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you finished that composition on the connection between Ancient Egypt and that new game."  
  
"Yes, hold on a second." Isis walked upstairs, but before she reached her own room, she heard odd noises coming from Malik's. Isis walked into the room, and found it turned upside down. And then she saw Seto.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"The Millennium Rod! I sensed it! It's in here, somewhere. Help me find it!" he said, going through Malik's drawers.  
  
"Isis, hurry up!" Mokuba called from downstairs.  
  
"Oh, fine. Listen to me very carefully. You will sit down and not touch anything. I have someone here, and when they leave you'll be able to come downstairs. Okay?"  
  
"Okay." But when Isis went to retrieve her composition, Seto continued to look for it, but quietly.  
  
"Here," said Isis, handing her colleague the composition.  
  
"Thanks, yeah. Isis, I was sort of wondering, are you free tonight?"  
  
"No," said Isis.  
  
"Oh, because I was planning on going to this expensive restaurant and I need someone to go with me.and I thought maybe I could-"  
  
"No," Isis repeated.  
  
"Oh," he said, looking down, "Bye then." Isis closed the door and sank to the ground near the coffee table. Then she proceeded to bang her head against the coffee table. Malik pulled her away.  
  
"As much as I enjoy seeing that, you need to stop," said Malik.  
  
"Seto, haul your ancient Egyptian carcass over here!" Isis called. Seto came downstairs, clutching the Rod.  
  
"You give him my clothes and my Millennium Item?!" screamed Malik. Isis sat on the couch.  
  
"How about this? You and Priestess over there can settle this on your own, and I'll rest," said Isis. She turned up the tv to drown out their voices.  
  
"Give me my Rod!" screamed Malik, attempting to speak ancient Egyptian.  
  
"How dare you call me a monkey?" asked Seto.  
  
"Give me my Rod!"  
  
"Stop calling me a monkey!"  
  
"Forget this!" Malik grabbed the Rod from Seto and hit him over the head with it. Seto collapsed.  
  
"It is mine again!" screamed Malik triumphantly.  
  
"He sure is stupid, huh Isis?" asked Mokuba. Isis nodded. Then she walked over to Seto and spilled water on his head. Seto began to choke and woke up.  
  
"What the hell was that for?" he asked in English.  
  
"Listen Priest-"  
  
"What? What language are you speaking in?" asked Seto.  
  
"Wait, you can speak English?" asked Isis, also in English.  
  
"No kidding." Isis glared at Seto and told him everything that had happened. Seto stared in awe.  
  
"I did that?"  
  
"No kidding," said Isis, "and now that you're sane, you can go live outside again!"  
  
"One question. What in the name of Duel Monsters am I wearing?" asked Seto.  
  
"Don't dis the outfit, man!" said Malik.  
  
"Quit trying to speak 'modernly.' It's really beginning to get irritating," said Isis.  
  
"Yay, more bickering!" squealed Mokuba, and ran to get some popcorn. Seto didn't stick around and left before Mokuba came back.  
  
  
  
In about an hour, Seto had reached the Kaiba Corp building. His plan was to break into his old private safe located in his office. His only hope was that the combination hadn't been changed.  
  
As he approached the building, he saw people with parachutes falling from the top. It took him about a minute to realize what they were doing. Yami and the rest of the morons were bungee jumping off the building!  
  
Seto watched as something happened to Yami's backpack and the parachute didn't work. He fell to the ground with a sickening crash. Oh great, Yami Bakura will be swarming here any minute, thought Seto.  
  
"Hey Malik, why aren't you jumping with them?" asked Yami Bakura, who had appeared next to Seto. Seto had the hood on, so no one could tell it was him. Not even Yami Bakura.  
  
"What a shame that a yami's blood is invisible and tastes like water, otherwise I would be there. They can't die, either, but they can feel pain," said Yami Bakura. (A/N: For those of you who have read Dark Shadows' stories, this idea was originally mine so I'm not stealing anything.)  
  
Seto put his hand over his mouth to muffle the noise and asked, "What's wrong with water?"  
  
"Come Malik, you know me better than that! Water doesn't have that penny taste that I crave!" he said. This conversation was sickening, and Seto began to walk toward the group of people, making it seem like he was approaching them rather than the building. He entered it and began to climb the steps leading to the floor with his office. Why did I have to make my office be on the top floor? He thought, mentally kicking himself. When he reached the office, he got in and had to rest for a while.  
  
"This thing better have the same combination! I climbed 120 flights of stairs for this!" Seto pulled back his hood because he was suffocating and tried the combination, which was 24, 32, and 37. But without a doubt, the combination had been changed.  
  
"Stupid damn safe!" screamed Seto, banging on it with his fists. This attracted the attention of a guard, who entered the office.  
  
"Is everything all right, Mr. Mutou?" But he caught his breath when he saw who he was addressing.  
  
"Mr. Kaiba?" he asked in awe, "What are you doing here?" Seto cursed under his breath.  
  
* * *  
  
JK: That was too long! I hope you didn't get too tired reading it!  
  
Seto: Is this the beginning of my so-called revenge?  
  
JK: Er.sort of?  
  
Seto: You mean I have to suffer more?!  
  
JK: You didn't work for him yet.  
  
Seto: Oh, just kill me now.  
  
Yami Bakura: Ok-  
  
JK: Shut it, Yami Bakura!  
  
(Dark Shadows picks up a mallet.)  
  
JK: What?  
  
Dark Shadows: People that bother me are often hurt very badly. (Dark Shadows is about to hit JK but she uses Yami as a "human" shield.)  
  
Dark Shadows: Oh well.  
  
Seto: More revenge!  
  
JK: Okay, please review! I'll continue once I get four reviews! 


	7. A New Occupation, and More Pilfering

**Broke- Chapter 7: A New Occupation…and More Pilfering**

JK: I got enough reviews so I'm going to continue! Aren't you happy, Seto?

Seto: Oh, yeah, I'm ecstatic.

JK: I'm sure you are.

Yami: I love this story!

Mokuba: I have a question.

JK: Shoot.

Yami Bakura: Okay! Where's the gun?  
(Yea hits him over the head with a plastic bag.)

Joey: What 'appened, Tea? Ya couldn't afford a purse.

Tea (looking at her feet): No.

Seto (sarcastically): Oh what drama!

Tea (sniffling): I know!

Mokuba: As I was saying, my question is: Why aren't I a girl? I have every right to be!

Seto (sighing): Mokuba, have you been into the Snapple stash again?

Mokuba: Yeah! I love the pink kind! It's so sugary!

Yami: Pink kind? Snapple?

JK: He's referring to a company of drinks.

Yami: Cool! Brandy or rum?

JK: Non-alcoholic drinks!

Yami: Oh. Pink? _Pink?! What kind of world is this?!_

Seto: By pink he meant Strawberry Kiwi Snapple, am I right?

Mokuba: Yup!

Malik: Yeah, I used to get drunk off that. That was when Isis could beat the crap out of me if she caught me sneaking beer or something. But those days are over.

Isis: Wanna bet?

Malik: Bring it!

Isis: No, I have a better idea. I challenge you to a duel!

Malik: Fine!

Isis: Okay, and I'll duel with Yami's "new" deck.

Yami: Whatever you say, Isis.

(She takes the deck from Yami.)

Malik: Okay, I'll go first. And I—

Yami: Wait, what about bets? Any takers?

Everyone: Shut up, Yami!

Yami: I take it that's a no.

Malik: I play, the Blue Eyes White Dragon!

Seto: That's _my card! I thought Yami had it!_

Malik: He gave it to me as a friendship present.

Seto: Right, I completely believe you.

Malik: Okay, fine, it's a copy.

Isis: Okay. Now I play, Obelisk the Tormentor!

Malik: But you're dueling with Yami's deck!

Isis: What card did Seto leave in my possession when he became poor?

Malik (angrily): Obelisk the Tormentor.

Isis: Precisely. Attack, Obelisk! Well, Malik. I seem to have proven myself a formidable opponent. Your life points are now at 1000.

Malik: Okay, I play—What the hell? What is Kuribo doing in my deck?!

Yugi: It's another friendship present.

Malik: Crap, I don't have any better cards. So I play, Kuribo in defense mode!

Isis: I play Stop Defense!

Yami: Ooooo, Malik, you're so screwed!

Isis: Okay, Obelisk, attack Kuribo! (She bursts into hysterical laughter.)

Malik: Okay, so she can still kick my butt at Duel Monsters.

Isis: That was fun.

JK: But really unnecessary. Can't you have arguments on your own time?

Isis: Mmm, no.

Seto: Okay, I might as well do the happiest part of the story. JK doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything associated with us.

            "Mr. Kaiba, you're not supposed to be in here. And Mr. Mutou gave me strict orders to shoot you in the even that you ever showed your face here, especially in his office. I have no choice but to fulfill my instructions." He reached his hand to the gun holster.

            Seto had about a second to figure out what to do. He looked around, and spotted an open window, the one Yami and the other imbeciles had been bungee jumping from. He ran to it, and did what he had done on one other occasion in his life: he jumped from it.

            Seto was rapidly falling, and he grabbed the next window pane. Unfortunately, it happened to be one that was broken and didn't support his weight. Seto began to fall again. _Oh, I was going to get that freaking window fixed! He thought angrily. Then he found himself wishing for a parachute._

            It wasn't because he was afraid of breaking every bone in his body. No, it was something much worse. At least, worse in Seto's eyes. He was about to land on Yami! 

            In the three seconds before impact, Seto had enough brains to scream, "Move out of the way!" Yami, however, didn't have enough brains to interpret the message.

            "Move Yami!" screamed Tea, pushing him out of the way. Unfortunately for Seto, she now took his place and he landed right on top of her. (And the funniest thing was, this all happened in a matter of three seconds.)

            "Get the hell off me, Kaiba!" screamed Tea.

            "Is it my fault that Seto had enough brains to scream, "Move out of the way!" Yami, however, didn't have enough brains to interpret the message.

            "Move Yami!" screamed Tea, pushing him out of the way. Unfortunately for Seto, she now took his place and he landed right on top of her. (And the funniest thing was, this all happened in a matter of three seconds.)

            "Get the hell off me, Kaiba!" screamed Tea.

            "Is it my fault that _you of all people have to be where I land?!" screamed Seto, hastily getting off her. He had no intention of staying in his present position. (A/N: Oh my God! Poor Seto! That was so disgusting. Oh, as a warning, this isn't exactly the story for you if you like Tea, because, frankly, I don't.)_

            "Kaiba, what are you doing here?" asked Yami.

            "Cleaning the windows," said Seto sarcastically.

            Yami didn't really catch the sarcasm.

            "Oh, well then. You suck at it, so you're fired!" said Yami. He looked like he was really enjoying himself.

            "Yami, have you done _any work since you became CEO?" asked Seto. He just couldn't resist. Apart from Mokuba, his company meant everything to him._

            "No. I've just been enjoying life. Kaiba, did you know that you have like 800, 561 unused vacation days?" asked Yami.

            "Yes, I knew that," said Seto.

            "You're a freakin' workaholic!" screamed Joey. Seto glared at him

            "Not anymore, puppy," he said, walking away from them. Looks like it was back to the drawing board.

            Mokuba was crying hysterically. Isis was trying her best to calm him down. Malik was drowning out his voice with his CD player. 

            "Mokuba, it's okay. Don't worry! Seto hasn't abandoned you! He'll be back," she consoled.

            "But, I-i-sis! He left without saying goodbye! He deserted me! My big brother doesn't love me anymore!" Mokuba wailed.

            "That's not true! He had to go! Mokuba, he can't stay here," Isis reasoned.

            "Yes he can. If you people only got married like you're supposed to, this wouldn't be happening," said Mokuba, suddenly serious. Isis was strongly reminded of another extremely stubborn person she knew…

            "Are all little brothers this annoying?" she asked.

            "No, not all. It's just a gift some of us little brothers have," said Mokuba.

            "By gift you mean curse," Isis muttered. Malik took off his head phones.

            "Is he done yet?" he asked. Isis nodded.

            "What are you listening to, anyway?" she asked. Malik shrugged and handed her the head phones. She put them on, but hurriedly took them off.

            "Malik, this sounds like a dying animal, with the emphasis on dying!" screamed Isis. Malik shrugged again.

            "I like the words. It's about murder and stuff. You forget Isis, I'm sadistic," said Malik brightly. Isis sighed.

            "I need some sanity!" she screamed. 

            "Well you won't find it here, Isis," said Malik.

            "I'm well aware of that," she said, grabbing her jacket, "I have an idea. I'll leave you kiddies to bond! I need some time alone away from both of you!" Before either of them could say anything, she slammed the door and left.

            Seto sat on the curb of a block. His sign now read WILL WORK_, because it wasn't really helping him in any other way. A limousine pulled over directly in front of him. Seto dreaded what was coming…_

            Yami got out of the car.

            "Oh, hey Kaiba. In need of a job?" asked Yami, smirking.

            "No, gee, ya think?" asked Seto sarcastically. Hey, he was still Seto. 

            "Well, you look kind of desperate, considering you have the words 'food and money' crossed out," assumed Yami. Seto's eyes lit up. Was Yami offering him a job? A job at Kaiba Corp?!

            "What kind of job did you have in mind Yami?" asked Seto cautiously.

            "Come with me, and you'll find out," said Yami. Seto got in the car, but something wasn't right. Yami seemed too happy. 

            In the limo, Seto spotted his old laptop. _Just some work, he thought, __Yami's too busy gorging himself on wine. He'll never notice. Seto began to slowly stretch his hand toward the laptop. Yami smacked it midway._

            "No, Seto, bad dog," said Yami, grinning like an idiot. Seto clenched his fist, but then calmed down. After all, Yami _was offering him a job. _

            In a matter of minutes, they entered the Kaiba (or should I say Mutou) mansion. Seto had to grab the door handle to steady himself. His whole house was in complete disarray! The formerly white carpet was now drenched in what strongly looked, and smelled, like vomit. There looked to be some wine stains here and there. _I paid over 2,000,000 dollars for that carpet! Seto thought. He looked around. There was a plate of food on the coffee table that was already sprouting some sort of fungus. The couch was stained with every color imaginable and there were cockroaches crawling practically everywhere. __No way in hell is my house going to look like this while I'm alive! Damn, if Gozaburo were alive to see what's left of his house, he'd die all over again. Wait, that's not necessarily a bad thing…thought Seto. And for the first time in days, Seto grinned. Yes, he actually __grinned. Yami stared at him. __Maybe I should be a bit nicer to him…the occurrences seem to be getting to his head. Thought Yami, looking at Seto with that stupid expression on his face._

            "Er…mental joke," said Seto, noticing that Yami was staring at him like he was of unsound mind.

            "I'll be right back," said Yami, running upstairs. Seto didn't even want to see what was left of his bedroom and everything else upstairs. He looked for a place to sit, but eventually gave up and remained standing. Yami returned, carrying a bucket, a mop, and a frilly pink apron.

            "Okay, Kaiba, you're hired," said Yami. Seto could've died on the spot.

            "I thought you had a job for me!" shrieked Seto. 

            "Yes, you know, maid," said Yami. Seto stared at Yami horrified silence. "Put on the apron."

            Seto seemed to have found his voice.

            "No way in hell," he said firmly. 

            "Come on, Kaiba, do you want a job or not?" asked Yami. Seto considered this. It was true that Yami was the only person who had offered him a job, and it was also true that the next person who could have offered one to him could have made him do something even worse. Seto shuddered.

            "Well, how much do I get?" asked Seto.

            "Well, I'd say 50 dollars per week? Deal?"

            "That depends on whether I want to stay alive or not," said Seto.

            "You can live in the basement."

            "Can't I at least have the guest room?" 

            "Fine. You can live in the guest room and I'll pay you 50 dollars per week. And you work seven days a week. Okay?" asked Yami. Seto nodded, and Yami stretched out his hand, as if to shake on it. Seto pretended not to notice the gesture. Yami shrugged, grabbed a note book, and began writing.

            "You do realize, _Pharaoh, that I do not comprehend ancient Egyptian," said Seto. Yami turned to face him._

            "That's okay, you can always ask your girlfriend Isis to translate for you," said Yami, sneering. Seto looked at him coldly. 

            "Oh, don't give me that. I was driving by this morning and I saw you two together. She was practically holding your hand," Yami continued. Seto had a brilliant thought. He could easily disturb his new employer if he just played along. After all, Yami was expecting him to deny everything. Not that there was really anything to deny, but you get the point.

            "Well, you're right. She is my girlfriend. We've been out a couple of times, but I think she goes for the rich type more," said Seto. Yami's eyes lit up this time. _I am so brilliant, he thought, __I'm disturbing Yami and annoying __Isis__ at the same time. A two-for-one deal. _

            "Well, then. I'll dictate it to you:

            scrub the carpet

            wash the couch

            mop the floors

            unclog the toilet

            do the laundry

            unclog the sink

            get rid of that stench that makes everything smell dead

            wipe the dust off everything

            change the drapes (Joey set them on fire by accident)

            get rid of those disgusting stock books

            replenish the bar

            cook dinner" Yami paused, giving Seto time to write all of it down.

            "Is that all?" asked Seto wearily.

            "Are you kidding? That's just for the first floor! Okay, now, when you finish all of this, call me and I'll give you more orders," said Yami, "Oh, and put this on." Seto stared at the apron on horror.

            "Heh heh, no," he said.

            "Heh heh, yes," said Yami, "Or you're fired." Seto took the apron.

            "I hate you," he said with contempt.

            "I know," said Yami happily.

           Isis walked through the park, deep in thought. She didn't notice that Yami Bakura was stalking her. But, then again, she wouldn't have been surprised if she had noticed. Yami Bakura decided to talk.

            "Er…hi Isis," he said. Isis turned.

            "You've been stalking me again, haven't you?" she asked.

            "Well, yeah. But I was wondering, is Malik really ticked off?" asked Yami Bakura.

            "No, he seems to be himself. Why?" she asked.

            "Oh, because I saw him yesterday and was trying to have a conversation with him, but he only said one sentence. Plus, he didn't even look at me," said Yami Bakura, frowning.

            "Oh, Yami Bakura, I didn't know Malik meant that much to you!" said Isis.

            "Well, he's the only friend I've had in 5000 years! Wait, make that, he's the only friend I've ever had," said Yami Bakura thoughtfully. 

            "Well, he and Mokuba are bonding right now, so I don't know where they are," said Isis.

            "Bonding? I'm not sure I understand," said Yami Bakura.

            "Bonding, as in spending quantity time together. Didn't you ever bond with your mother or father?" asked Isis.

            "No, come to think of it, they died when I was pretty young," said Yami Bakura.

            "Oh, I'm sorry," said Isis.

            "No, it's okay. It was actually my fault that they died. I set their room on fire," said Yami Bakura.

            "By accident, though, right?" she said.

            "No," said Yami Bakura, "The candle looked pretty, and I was just curious on what the orange stuff would do to linen." Isis was loosing her patience. After all, she left to get time _away from the lunatics._

            "That's nice, Yami Bakura," she said through gritted teeth. 

            "I know, right? Anyway, do you want to—"

            "No," Isis said immediately. And with that, she walked away from him at a pretty abnormal pace. 

            Seto looked at the first floor. He had done his best. The carpet still had hints of orange, and the couch was still stained. The curtains had been replaced, and he had wiped all the dust off. He unclogged the sink, but Drain-o was still working on the toilet. All he had to do was cook dinner, and then do the dishes. 

            Considering the fact that Seto had no idea how to cook, he rummaged through a pile of books until he found a cook book.

            "Let's see, chicken, burgers, soup, spaghetti…Okay, spaghetti doesn't look too hard…" So he set about to making spaghetti. 

            "Okay, boil the water, wow cooking is fun!" said Seto. 

Of course, the outcome of his "food" wasn't fun to look at, let alone eat. It looked sort of like…need I say it? He started again. Eventually, the outcome looked like spaghetti.

"Um, dinner's ready!" said Seto.

"Oh, yeah, I'm inviting Yugi and the gang over for dinner. You don't mind, do you?"

"Yes, actually, I do," said Seto.

"Do I care?" asked Yami. 

Seto fumed and then asked, "So what do you want me to do about that?"

"Well, for one thing, cook decent food. What is this?" asked Yami, indicating the spaghetti. 

"It's called spaghetti," said Seto.

"Ooooo, and is it supposed to look like crap?" asked Yami.

"Shut up, Pharaoh! That was my first attempt. Here, this is tonight's meal."

"You made _worms?!" screamed Yami._

"No, you nimrod! Don't go saying that to anyone at dinner," said Seto.

"Don't call me a nimrod, you Mokuba addict!" screamed Yami.

"At least I'm not an Underworld reject! I mean, when the feather was weighed against your heart, exactly how long did it take them to send you to Hell? About, 3 seconds?" asked Seto. (A/N: For those not familiar with ancient Egyptian beliefs, when a person died, their heart was weighed against the feather of Ma'at. If their heart was heavier than the feather, the person was eaten by a monster called the Gobbler which is like a jigsaw puzzle. If it was lighter, they go to Heaven. Don't ask, I have this _obsession with Ancient Egypt.)_

"I never went that far!" screamed Yami.

"You're so old, you were alive when the pyramids were built!" shrieked Seto.

"So?"

"Oh, forget you! Just let me go up into my room!" Seto began to take off the apron.

"You have to wear that and serve us too, you know," said Yami.

"Okay, take this Pharaoh, I quit! And I hope you rot in hell!" screamed Seto, not caring that Yami can't die.

"Oh, you know, Tea wouldn't stop talking about how 'annoying' it was when you fell on her. But she was blushing all the while. I personally think women find you attractive," said Yami.

"Who do you get your information from? Yugi?" asked Seto.

"Okay, insult my aibou, see if I care!" 

"Like I said, I quit!" screamed Seto, throwing the apron in Yami's face.

Seto walked for hours, and eventually he became hungry all over again. He opened up his wallet, but all that he discovered there was a dead roach. He closed his wallet and continued walking. The hunger soon became so intense that Seto thought he would keel over. He didn't care. It would be okay to wash dishes, just as long as he got something to eat.

"Hello may I help- oh, man, you reek!" exclaimed the waiter.

"Yeah, thanks. One, please," said Seto. 

"I've been told not to let in people like you. With the weird clothes and all. And plus, you'll disturb the other people with your stench," said the waiter. Seto took off his hood, and the waiter recognized him.

"Oh, Mr. Kaiba! Sir, I thought you were one of those people who stir up trouble with the duelists who come here. I'm so sorry!"

"Well, if you want to keep this low-paying job, I would suggest you shut up and lead me to a table. And I want the best service this dump can provide," said Seto.

"Yes, Mr. Kaiba, sir, right this way." He led Seto to a table, and Seto sat down.  "What will you have, sir?" Seto studied the menu. Everything looked so delicious! 

"Eh, whatever. I'll just take everything on the main course list. Oh, and a bottle of mineral water with a glass of wine," ordered Seto. The waiter nodded and began to walk away, but then turned back to face Seto.

"Mr. Kaiba, sir? This will probably cost me my tip, but why do you, well, reek?" he asked. Seto thought for a moment, and then said the first thing that came to his mind.

"I've been working so hard the past few days that I haven't had time to take a shower." The waiter nodded. Then another waiter came to Seto.

"Yeah, may I take your order? Oh, holy hell, you reek!" he screamed. Seto saw who it was, and quickly put on his hood.

"Never mind, Wheeler! I've got the millionaire! Aren't you off to some fancy dinner with Mutou?" said the other waiter.

"I don't give. Millionaires are cheap tippers, anyway," Joey said, taking off his apron and dropping it on the floor. 

"That's gonna get him so fired," said Seto's waiter. 

"My food, please," reminded Seto.

"Oh, right." 

Within an hour, Seto had eaten everything he had ordered and was requesting the check. When it was brought Seto, by habit, opened his wallet. Then he remembered that it was empty. Well—almost empty. Making sure that nobody was watching, Seto emptied the contents out into the bowl that had not yet been taken away. Then Seto screamed.

"Mr. Kaiba! What's wrong?!" asked the waiter.

"Look in there and tell me what you see. What is THAT?!" screamed Seto.

"Th-that w-wou-would be a-a-a, oh my…" The waiter fainted.

"What a shame," said Seto, "I wanted to request to see the manager." The manager, however, came anyway.

"What is going on here?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know about that, but I believe it is my duty to inform you that I am going to press charges against this restaurant. I don't like eating food where a roach is an ingredient. I don't find it…pleasant," said Seto.

"Mr. Kaiba, please, refuse to pay the bill, but don't press charges!" the manager said, on the verge of tears.

"Well, you're lucky that I'm in a generous mood today. I'll spare you and your pathetic little establishment. But only because I'm in a good mood." Seto got up, and went through the exit. As soon as he was out of earshot, Seto began to laugh his head off.

"That was the best prank I ever played!" he said joyfully. And for the first time in days, he actually had a full stomach. 

"You're awfully happy, Seto, what did you do?" asked Isis, who had appeared from behind a corner.

"What do you do, stalk me?"

"No, actually, I was passing by here because it's on the way to my house, but please, continue laughing. I won't get in your way," said Isis.

"That's funny, I thought you would be at _Yami's house eating the spaghetti that I made."_

"You made spaghetti? For Yami?" asked Isis incredulously.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time, anything to be away from the lunatics a little longer," said Isis. So Seto told her what had happened: how he had been forced to work for Yami, how he had to see his house looking like a location for a bar fight, well, in short, everything. Isis, in turn, was laughing her head off.

"It's not funny!" he screamed. Just then, Malik drove by.

"I knew it, Isis! You're seeing him!" Isis sighed. Then she found a reason for speech.

"What in the name of Ra are you doing driving my car?!" she asked him.

"Nothing," he said, lying badly.

"Well, can you at least tell me where you're going?" asked Isis.   

            "Over to Yami's, he invited me for dinner."

Isis and Seto shot a look at eachother, and then started laughing hysterically. Of course, Malik misinterpreted the laughter.

"It's not like that! I'm not the only one that'll be there!" Isis and Seto continued to laugh hysterically. 

Isis eventually stopped, and said, "Can you please tell your sprit friend that I have absolutely no interest in him and to please stop stalking me?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll tell him your heart belongs to Seto." With that, he sped off.

"If there's even one scratch mark on my car, I will take his little Rod, unscrew the bottom, and then stab him with the dagger thing!" screamed Isis. (A/N: This is true, as far as I know. The Millennium Rod _is a dagger.)_

"So, how's Mokuba?" asked Seto, still smiling at the thought of Malik and the other morons eating his concoction. For a day when he was forced to be in poverty, today hadn't gone too badly.

"Oh, he fine. Wait— Oh crap! Malik left him alone in the house!" Isis screamed, dashing at light-speed in the direction of her house. Seto stared after her blankly.

"That's odd, I left Mokuba alone tons of times and he never did anything stupid. Except for the time he thought he could fly and almost jumped out the—oh crap! Wait up, Isis!" Seto ran after her, hoping to god that Mokuba would be in one human-looking piece.

Dark Shadows: Ew, are they going to fall in love?

JK: Hey, why so early?

Dark Shadows: Heh heh, web traffic.

JK: Whatever.

Seto: That was fun!

JK: Oh, so that means I was too nice in this chapter.

Seto: I mean, that was horrible, I never want to endure it again!

Isis: I'm not going to fall in love with him, right?

JK: No, I'm not torturing _you._

Yami: I don't actually eat his "spaghetti", do I?

JK: Maybe.

Yami: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JK: Maybe doesn't mean yes.

Dark Shadows: JK… (holds up mallet)

JK: Oh, yeah, right. Seto being called a priestess last chapter was Dark Shadows' idea. Now will you shut up?

Dark Shadows: Yup.

JK: Okay, please review! The more reviews, the faster I continue. The faster I continue, the faster Seto gets his revenge.

(Seto was holding up a sign that read "Please don't review so she won't continue.)

Seto: Oh, well, in that case, please continue!

JK: Oh, and I've decided to resurrect Pegasus just so I can burn him all over again. So, flamers, that's where your flames will be going. Because my world won't stop turning if you flame me. But Pegasus' will…

(Everyone snickers.)


	8. A New Resident At the Ishtar Household

**Broke!-Chapter 8: A New Resident at the Ishtar Household**

JK: So I am finally going to continue!

(Seto begins to bang his head against a wall.)

JK: What's your problem now?

Seto: Well, to put it in short terms, I do _not_ like the way the title sounds!

JK: What makes you think the title has anything to do with you?

Seto: Because I'm the main character.

JK: You don't get to gloat because I torture you. It's supposed to be all affliction, all the time.

Seto: You didn't torture me for a month and now you're back? Why? _Why_?!

JK: Hey, you better thank my computer for the fact that I didn't torture you for a month. It seems that the stupid piece of junk decided to crash completely. So I had to reinstall my hard drive. But it's working now…

Seto: Good for you.

Dark Shadows (to Seto): But bad for you!

Seto: GET AWAY FROM ME!

Dark Shadows: Get over yourself, Seto. I don't like you.

JK: Yeah, she likes Yami. Or is it Malik? 

Dark Shadows: Maliky-poo all the way!

Malik: I think you're going to be writing about my suicidal act soon…only it won't be fiction.

JK: How melodramatic. Malik, you're vital to the plot so if you commit suicide, I will give the Rod to Seto.

Isis: No, don't discourage him!

Dark Shadows: Anyways… (glomps Malik) My bishie!

JK: You do know that the word bishie literally means a boy who is more pretty than handsome.

Dark Shadows: Yeah, the perfect description for Malik. Right Malik?

Malik: Erm…no.

Dark Shadows: No, seriously, who does your nails?

Malik (sarcastically): Yami Bakura.

Dark Shadows: Ah, so you get together to do eachother's nails? How…

JK: Girly. But you are both bishies. Hey, wait, where's Seto?!

(During all the controversy over Malik, Seto had snuck away.)

Malik (in an annoying sing-song voice): I know where he went.

JK (picking up Millennium Rod): Really, Malik? Now, where did Seto-weto go?

Malik: I'm not afraid of you. The Rod only works for me and would never work against me. 

JK: Who said I was going to control your mind?

Malik: You can't use it as a weapon, either. The Rod works for only me.

JK: Who said I was going to use the Rod at all?

Dark Shadows: Oh no. Malik, when she looks like that, you know someone is going to be very sad, very soon.

Malik: You can't do anything to it.

JK: Oh, really? Hey Malik, did you ever learn the happy little fact that gold melts?

Malik: It does?!

JK: You mean you don't know? Every kindergartener knows that! What do they teach you in high school?

Malik: Who goes to school? It's such a waste of time.

Isis: Well, actually, it's just that no one let him anywhere near a high school ever since he blew up my principal's chair.

Malik: And you _had to squeal on me, didn't you? You didn't even know it was me!_

Isis: Malik, let's just say I know you were the only person deranged enough to do that. 

Malik: What about that guy you used to go out with?

Isis: Malik, shut up.

Malik: Hey he had bombs stashed at his house.

Isis: Those were his younger sister's who was your age, remember?

Malik: Isis, shut up.

Isis: And you asked her to walk to school with you and she said no…and then you spent half the day crying.

Malik: I NEVER CRIED IN MY LIFE!

Isis: Excuse me? What about the time when you were getting the Pharaoh's memory tattooed on your back? (puts on a high pitched voice)  MOMMY, SHARP THINGY! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!

Malik: Well, if it happened to you, I doubt that you wouldn't have cried. It hurt like hell!

Isis: Sometimes I wish I _was born a boy, because mom and dad wouldn't have had to have you and my life would've been so much happier. Plus, there wouldn't be some insane freak running around screaming about "prey" and "the hunt."_

Malik: I never said that!

Isis: Would you like me to quote?

Malik: Oh, forget it.

JK: So, who's got the matches?

(Seto returns, not being able to resist watching Malik be tormented.)

Seto: I do! (hands JK matches)

JK: Okay, my task is completed.

Seto: You didn't burn the Rod…

JK: You actually fell for that? I was bluffing so you'd come back. Some genius you turned out to be.

(Seto fumes.)

JK: Anyway, I still haven't stolen Yu-Gi-Oh, but a certain someone's grief will clue you in when I do. So there. I don't own anything. Prepare yourself for an extremely long update!

*    *    *

            Seto pushed Isis out of the way and burst through the door. He ran into the living room, only to find it devoid of any human activity. Isis followed him in, rubbing her arm fervently. While Seto was looking around, she snuck up behind him and pushed him to the ground.

            "If you ever push me again, Kaiba, I'll show you just how much like my younger brother I can be," she said icily. Seto decided not to test what little patience she had left.

            "Where's Mokuba?" he asked as pleasantly as he could manage. And if you know Seto Kaiba, that's not very pleasantly. Before Isis could respond, a piece of plaster landed on Seto's head.

            "My guess would be he's upstairs," said Isis, dashing to the staircase. Seto quickly got up and followed her. 

"Whee! This is fun! Hey, Seto, wanna join me?" Mokuba asked happily as Seto and Isis entered the room he was in, which was Isis' bedroom. Mokuba was jumping on her bed and, judging by the creaking springs, for a very long time.

            "What are you doing?" Isis asked, raising her voice over Mokuba's giggling.

            "Jumping," Mokuba answered. He stopped for a moment. "I was just trying to grab the lamp. Malik says that's the only way I can turn it on and I can't play video games in the dark." He resumed jumping up and down. "Got it!" he said happily as he grabbed the lamp. Since the lamp was normal and couldn't support Mokuba's weight, he and the lamp fell of the bed with a sickening crash.

            "Kaiba, I hope you know you're paying for that," said Isis, picking up the remains of her lamp. (A/N: By lamp I mean one of those hanging ones… but not like a chandelier.) "Hmm, and for my bed, too."

            "How considerate of you, Isis. And what exactly will I pay you with?" asked Seto.

            "That is not my problem," said Isis. 

            "Mokuba, are you all right?" Seto asked, deciding to ignore Isis.

            "Yeah, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt anymore than the thorny bush under Isis' living room window," said Mokuba.

            "What?" Seto asked.

            "Though it did break my fall," said Mokuba.

            "Don't tell me you tried flying again," said Seto.

            "Okay, I won't." Seto shook his head.

            "So you're okay?" Isis asked. Mokuba nodded. "So then you're free to go, Seto."

            "I guess hospitality isn't one of the things Egyptians like to partake in," said Seto.

"Are you insulting my heritage, Kaiba?!" Isis snapped.

"No, I'm insulting you!" screamed Seto. Just then, Mokuba fell to the floor and clutched his stomach, moaning.

            "Mokuba?" Seto asked. Mokuba continued moaning piteously.

            "What's wrong?" Isis asked.

            "You killed him. You killed my brother," Seto said in disbelief. Isis looked at him like he was insane,

            "I did what?" Isis asked. Seto snapped out of his trance.

            "Nothing. Mokuba, what's wrong?" Seto asked.

            "My stomach hurts," said Mokuba, beginning to cry.

            "Okay, so you didn't kill him. You poisoned him," said Seto. "Hey, I can sue and get some money!"

            "KAIBA!" snapped Isis.

            "Calm yourself, Isis, I'm not going to sue you. After all, the most money you could possibly give me would be about three bucks. Well, the equivalent of three bucks to me," said Seto. Isis refrained from exploding and strangling Seto. She seemed to be having to do that a lot lately.

            "Why don't I just go find some medicine and you can stay here with Mokuba," said Isis, with as much calmness as she could muster.

            "Fine," said Seto.

            "Worked like a charm," said Mokuba as soon as Isis had left the room.

            "What?" asked Seto.

            "Well, she stopped kicking you out," said Mokuba, standing up.

            "You mean you're _fine_?!" Seto asked, his anger mounting.

            "Yeah," said Mokuba.

            "Mokuba!" Seto screamed. "Do you have any idea how worried I just was?!"

            "Not really," said Mokuba.

            "Mokuba! I cannot believe you! After all I've been through over the past few days…" said Seto angrily. 

            "But now you have a place to live," said Mokuba.

            "Why are you so manipulative all of a sudden?" Seto asked.

            "I've been watching Malik torture his Rare Hunters. The way he talks is weird…" said Mokuba.

            "In case you haven't noticed little brother, Malik talks weird and is weird all the time," said Seto. At that moment, Isis entered the room. She looked at Mokuba, and then decided it was explosion time.

            "YOU MEAN YOU'RE FINE?!" she screamed.

            "Yes," said Mokuba, hiding behind Seto.

            "So, what exactly did you do here, completely unsupervised?" Seto asked.

            "Well, first I ate Malik's cooking, then I made myself wings from paper and Isis' pillows, then I jumped off the roof and tried to fly, and then I watched tv, and then I jumped on Malik's bed (it broke by the way) and lastly, I jumped on Isis' bed and tried to turn on the light," said Mokuba.

            "You tried flying again?!" Seto screamed.

            "The bush broke my fall," said Mokuba. But Isis was more concerned with something else.

            "You ate Malik's cooking? And you still _alive_?" she asked.

            "Well, I watched him make it. He put milk, meat, salt, pepper, sugar, eggs, flour, baking soda, toothpaste, lemon juice, mango slices, and water in it," said Mokuba.

            "And you survived that?" Isis asked. "I remember back when our parents were alive he tried cooking. Well, the first course made everyone puke, and the second course blew up the kitchen. I think he may have slipped a bomb in his specialty…"

            "Oh, and he also added beer to the food," said Mokuba.

            "He gave you alcohol?" Seto asked. "When I get my hands on him I'll—"

            "Well, considering all the health food crap Seto made me eat, this was like a treat for me," said Mokuba.

            "So now you curse too?!" Seto asked.

            "Oh, come on. When you were ten you used words much worse than that," said Mokuba.

            "Yes, but I was cursing at Gozaburo-baka. That's an exception," reasoned Seto.

            "Anyway, Kaiba, I believe you were on your way to the door," said Isis. Mokuba looked at Isis like he was a beaten dog. "Oh no, just because Seto falls for the cute act doesn't mean I will."

            "Please, Isis? I'll be good…" said Mokuba.

            "Aren't you going to say anything, Seto?" Isis asked.

            "No," Seto said coolly.

            "Please? Pretty please with sugar on top and Malik rotting in a cave somewhere?" said Mokuba.

            "Well, since you put it that way, fine. Seto can stay," said Isis. Mokuba squealed and jumped up and down happily. "But, there are certain rules in my household."

            "Yeah, keep away from the insane one," said Seto.

            "Stop talking about my brother and pay attention!" said Isis.

            "Who said I was talking about Malik? I meant you," said Seto.

            "Okay, the deal is off!" said Isis.

            "He was kidding, right Seto?" asked Mokuba, looking at him meaningfully.

            "No, I wasn't," said Seto. Isis glared at him.

            "OUT!" she screamed.

            "No, please let him stay, Isis. I'm sure he'll behave," said Mokuba.

            "Fine. You can live in the basement," said Isis.

            "But Malik has torture devices there!" said Mokuba.

            "Okay. Seto, you can sleep on the couch," said Isis.

            "But where's Malik going to sleep?" asked Mokuba.

            "Doesn't Malik sleep in his room?" interjected Seto.

            "No, I sleep there," said Mokuba. 

            "Oh, I have plans for my little brother," said Isis, and her eyes glinted maliciously.

            "Oh no," said Mokuba.

            "What?" Seto asked, very confused.

            "I'm all out of popcorn!" said Mokuba sadly.

Meanwhile, the party was just beginning at "Yami's house". 

            "So, what else can we do, Yami?" Tea asked.

            "How about we kick you out?" asked Yami Bakura.

            "Don't be so mean!" said Tea.

            "Shut the hell up! We're not here to talk about friendship! This is a party!" said Yami Bakura. "Why don't you go tend to your boyfriend?"

            "But Yami's perfectly fine," said Tea.

            "I meant the short one!"

            "Oh." Tea looked at Yugi, who looked like he was having a seizure do to a severe case of hiccups.

            "Aibou, I told you not to sip the vodka," said Yami.

            "Bu—hic—it—hic—loo—hic—looked—hic—tas—hic—tasty!" said Yugi.

            "Tasty? It's clear for Ra's sake!" said Malik.

            "Maybe if you stand on your head in your underwear," suggested Tea.

            "Tea—Yami doesn't have the hiccups; Yugi does," said Mai.

            "Oh. Well, why don't we eat?" said Tea.

            "Over my dead rotting corpse will that happen!" said Yami frantically.

            "Don't tempt me, Pharaoh," said Malik. "And what's wrong with eating anyway?"

            "The food's not ready," said Yami quickly. "I'll go see how things are coming along…"

            Yami walked into the hallway and grabbed the phone. _Now if I could only remember how to use this thing. He thought. Yami glanced at Seto's speed dial buttons. _Hmm, a rich guy like him probably always orders out. It should be there. I always see Yugi press one of those buttons to call Joey, so I'm guessing they connect you to people who you talk to a lot._ He pressed the first button._

            "Hello?" someone asked.

            "Hello, is this some food service place?" Yami asked.

            "No, this is one of Mr. Kaiba's—I mean Mr. Mutou's secretaries. Sorry, I keep forgetting. How may I help you?" the woman said.

            "Er…bye!" said Yami and hung up. He pressed the second button.

            "Hi is this a restaurant or something?" asked Yami.

            "No, this is an elementary school. How may I help you?" Yami hung up. This was proving much harder than he could have ever imagined. He skipped over to the last button.

            "Ishtar residence, Mokuba speaking," someone picked up.

            "What's that phone number doing on Seto's button thing?" Yami asked himself aloud.

            "Who is this?" Mokuba asked.

            "Um, Mokuba, I need your help. Do you know any good food places?" Yami asked desperately.

            "Not really. Seto made me eat health food crap. But I'm sure Seto knows. Hold on a second." Mokuba took the phone away from his mouth. "Hey Seto, do you know any good food places?" 

            "What? Why do you need good food places?"

            "Yami's asking."

            "Well, tell him to go shove a rock up his—"

            "Okay Seto!" Mokuba interrupted. He picked up the phone. "Seto said you should go shove a rock up your…something."

            "Wait, what's Kaiba doing there in the first place?" asked Yami.

            "Oh, Isis said he could live here for a while," said Mokuba.

            "Why?"

            "So they can straighten things out," said Mokuba.

            "Mmm hmm, just what kind of things?"

            "Oh, you know, their lives I guess. Anyway, I have to go." Mokuba hung up. Yami stood transfixed, still holding the phone.

            "Hey, Pharaoh, how's the food coming along?" asked Malik, entering the hallway. Yami didn't answer. Instead, he started rocking back and forth.

            "What's up with you?" asked Malik. Yami continued to rock back and forth. "Oh, I get  it! Five thousand years have finally made you a mental case! Hey, do you want to join my club?" Yami stopped his rocking. 

            "The food will be ready shortly," said Yami and walked into the kitchen. 

Malik stared after him. "Freak," he muttered. 

As soon as he entered the living room, Malik was bombarded with questions.

"Where's the food?! I'm dyin' here!" screamed Joey. 

"Wh—hic—what—hic—happen—hic?" asked Yugi.

"I have good news for you, Tea. Looks like Yami's devastated for some reason. You can make your move," said Malik. 

"No, that's okay. I'm perfectly happy with Joey," said Tea.

"Get the hell away from him, hag," said Mai icily. 

"Oh, okay," Tea said and went to the kitchen.

"What's up Yami?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh, nothing. Tea, I want you to be the first to try this. My cook spent hours making it." Tea glanced at Seto's pitiful attempt at spaghetti. 

"What is it?" she asked. 

"Er…it's some foreign delicacy," said Yami.

"Oh, cool. You really want me to be the first to try it?" Tea asked. "Yami, I'm honored."

"Just eat the damn food…please," said Yami. Tea took a bite of Seto's "foreign delicacy."

"It's not that…oh my god…" Tea collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

"Well, looks like the food isn't edible. Everyone can go home now." And he went back to the living room to inform everyone. 

"So we have a deal, Isis?" Seto asked. "When I get a job I'll provide for myself and Mokuba and I'll also pay you back for everything you spent on the both of us."

            "It's a shame you won't be able to return my nerve cells," said Isis. "Anyway, it's a deal." They shook hands. 

            "Yay! You're friends!" said Mokuba. 

"Yeah, whatever," they said.

"Hey, Seto, can I ask you something?" asked Mokuba.

"Sure."

"How come you have Isis' phone number on speed dial?" asked Mokuba.

"You have my phone number on speed dial?" asked Isis.

"Er…maybe?" said Seto.

"I'm not even going to ask," said Isis.

"Good," said Seto. "Oh, god this thing is hot. How do Malik's Rare Hunters walk around in this all day long?" He took off his cape which he still happened to be wearing. 

"Oh. RA! I'm wearing a belly shirt!" Seto screamed. "A _lavender belly shirt!" Isis faked a giggle._

"Hey, you look pretty cute in a belly shirt," she lied.

"EW!" Seto screamed. "Get it off me! Get it off me!"

"You'd rather walk around naked?" Mokuba asked.

"Come to think of it, no," admitted Seto. "Just as long as no one I know sees me in this."

"What are we? Strangers?" Isis asked.

"Well, Mokuba's related to me so he's seen worse, and you're—"

"About to be related to him," said Mokuba.

"MOKUBA!" They screamed in unison.

"What? I was stating a fact…"

"Hey, you wouldn't by any chance have any decent clothes for me to wear, would you?" Seto asked Isis.

"That depends, would you like to wear feminine clothing?" Isis asked.

Yami entered the living room solemnly.

            "A terrible"—he coughed—"tragedy has occurred. It appears that the food was not edible and Tea seems to have been poisoned. I'm afraid you'll all have to go home." Just then, Tea entered the living room looking cheerful. Albeit a greenish looking cheerful.

            "Hi guys!" she said.

            "Oh. Ra. NOTHING TAKES HER! THE WOMAN DOES NOT DIE! Wait, did I say woman? I meant: THE MAN DOES NOT DIE! KAIBA'S COOKING SHOULD HAVE KILLED HER! I GIVE UP!" Yami screamed. Everyone stared at him strangely.

            "Kaiba's cooking?" Malik asked. "You were going to _poison_ us?!"

            "What do you mean?" Yami asked.

            "Anyone with one-fourth of a brain would guess that if Kaiba were to cook for you, he obviously would add something to it. Something fatal, if you know what I mean," said Malik. "I can't believe you didn't figure that out."

            "But Tea's still alive," said Yami.

            "Well, Tea is…Tea's an it. Its don't die," said Malik.

            "Okay, it's proven. Alcohol makes Malik smart," said Yami Bakura.

            "Oh, so funny," said Malik.

            "Wasn't it?" said Yami Bakura. "And about the thing about anyone with one-fourth of a brain guessing, Yami doesn't fall into that category."

            "Excuse me? And just why is that?" Yami asked.

            "Because you don't have a brain. It's decayed," said Yami Bakura. 

            Due to the lingering shock after his conversation with Mokuba, Yami didn't reply as he normally would have, which would have been to say some stupid and moronic comeback.

            "Just—just go, people," he said.

            "Aw, Yami, are you okay?" Tea asked, patting his back.

            "Step away from me now," Yami said in a calm but nevertheless terrifying manner. 

            "But I'm your friend—"

            "Get it through your thick fashion-challenged, bad-hair decade head! I don't believe in all the friendship crap you preach about! Nobody, except my retarded aibou, does! Notice the key word: retarded. Now you will all leave, before I walk over to my gun closet and unleash its wrath upon you!" Yami screamed.

            "You should talk! I knew you were a mistake! That's it! I love Seto Kaiba now!" said Tea

"Yes! There is a god!" Yami said thankfully.

"Eh…what's up wid you?" Joey asked.

            "Shall we go to the closet?" Yami Bakura asked, sensing that Yami was going to detonate again.

            "OUT! ALL OF YOU! NOW!" he screamed. As everyone got up and went to the exit, Yami said, "Except you Malik. Stay for a minute. I have something for you."

            "Okay, look. Whatever made you so cheesed off at the world, I had absolutely nothing to do with it. So don't go shooting me or anything," said Malik. Yami sniffled and went upstairs. _What is up_ with him? _Malik thought._

            Yami came downstairs carrying a huge box about ten minutes later.

            "What the hell took you so long?" Malik asked.

            "Here," said Yami, shoving the cardboard box in Malik's hands. Malik looked inside and saw very expensive, very familiar looking clothes.

            "I don't get it," he said, clueless.

            "When you get home, give those to whom they belong to," said Yami.

            "I still don't get it. Did someone die, and Isis inherited these or something?" Malik asked. "Or, better yet, Kaiba died and Mokuba inherited Kaiba's clothes!"

            "Well, you're right about one thing. Those are Kaiba's clothes. But Kaiba's not dead," said Yami. Malik stared, and then it dawned on him.

            "What—you mean—that these—these clothes…I have to give them to Kaiba?!" Malik asked.

            "Yes." Malik stared at Yami in horror. And then he risked a question.

            "Why?" Before Yami could answer, Yami Bakura entered the huge mansion.

            "Malik, what the hell is taking so long?" he asked. Malik looked at Yami Bakura, horrified.

            "Why?" he asked Yami again.

            "Because…because…ah, screw it! Malik, Isis and Seto are getting married!" he screamed. Malik's jaw hung. Then the adrenaline kicked in. Malik sped toward his house as fast as he could.

            "Wow, that's quite an accomplishment for Malik," said Yami Bakura.

            "What is?" Yami asked.

            "He remembered where his house was this time," said Yami Bakura.

           "How can you stay calm during all of this? Didn't you hear what I just said? Seto. And. Isis. Are. Getting. Married."

            "Eh, I knew it was hopeless all along. But the situation could be much worse," said Yami Bakura.

            "How could it possibly be any worse?" Yami asked.

            "Well, she could've married Yugi," said Yami Bakura.

            Yami screamed.

Malik burst through the door to his house and looked around. Seto was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, and seemed to be suffering from heat exhaustion. Isis was typing something for work, and Mokuba was blowing up aliens on the tv screen. All in all, everything seemed calm. But now Malik would have to be a disruption.

            "ISIS! WHAT IN THE NAME OF RA IS SETO KAIBA DOING IN OUR HOUSE?!" he screamed, so angry that the words came out in Egyptian.

            "Seto will be staying with us," said Isis in English.

            "May I see you outside for a minute, dearest sister?" Malik asked through clenched teeth. It was proving very difficult to be calm and kind to his meddling sister.

            "I like it here just fine, Malik," said Isis. "Besides, I'm busy."

            "Ishizu…" Malik said through his clenched teeth threateningly.

            "Whatever it is, you can say it in front of our guests. They have a right to know," said Isis. Malik took out the Millennnium Rod and turned it into a dagger. Isis sighed. 

            "Okay Malik. You win," Isis said.

            "What's going on?" Malik asked when they were outside.

            "What do you mean?" Isis asked calmly. Oh, she was getting a kick out of this.

            "What do you mean, what do I mean? You know perfectly well what I mean! Hell will freeze over if you allow Seto Kaiba to live here! Okay, if you really want to marry him, I suppose that's better than you marrying Yami. If I have to be related to the Kaibas, fine, but don't live here with him!" Malik shrieked. Isis smiled and pinched Malik's cheek.

            "Don't you worry about a thing, baby brother, everything will be fine," she said, still smiling. Malik was horrified. He had never seen an expression like that on his sister's face. Sure, there had been occasions when his sister had smiled, but not like that. It was a smile of sweet malice, not happiness. Or at least, that was what Malik thought.

            Isis turned around and went into the house. She had no idea who started the rumor about her marrying Seto, but she felt as if she could hail them. It was all the more helpful to making Malik's life a living hell.

            "Isis!" Malik called after her. "Didn't you hear me? I said, Hell will freeze over!"

            "Then let it freeze over," said Isis calmly. Malik grunted and followed Isis inside. Who knew? Maybe it wouldn't be too horrible to reside under the same roof as Seto Kaiba. He went over to Kaiba and handed him the box.

            "What's this?" Seto asked suspiciously.

            "Clothes," said Malik simply. Seto opened the box.

            "Yes! There is a god! I can look rich again! And," he said happily, "I won't have to look gay anymore!" Seto jumped up and ran into the bathroom, still clutching the blanket.

            "It's good that he finally got some clothes," said Mokuba. "I thought he was going to die of heat stroke in that blanket."

            "Whatever. He asked, I gave," said Isis. "To think, all that just because he was wearing Malik's belly shirt."

            "What? He was wearing my clothing?" Malik asked.

            "Don't you remember? Last time he was here, I gave him some of your clothes," said Isis. 

            "And that's not all you gave him," said Malik darkly, recalling the little "How dare you call me a monkey?" scenario. 

            "You got your Rod back," Isis said.

            "Whatever. Mokuba, can I join you?" Malik asked.

            "No, these aliens have got my name on them. But you can in the next game. You're a tough opponent, Malik," said Mokuba.

            "It comes from real life experience," said Malik. Isis cleared her throat loudly and shot a look at Malik.

            "What?" he asked. Just then, Seto came out of the bathroom dressed in his Battle City attire. The clothes were the cleanest he'd worn in about a week. Not a single belt was on wrong, and if you ever actually counted the belts, you'd know that that's saying something. (A/N: No, seriously, why do they wear belts on their torso?!)

            "Oh, god, I haven't felt this good since Gozaburo died!" Seto said happily.

            "Oh, s***, I made Kaiba happy," said Malik.

            "Oh, cool, Vocabulary Enhancers!" Mokuba was about to write down the wonderful word before he realized something. "Oh. I already recorded that one. Hey, Isis, do you think you could buy me another notebook? This one's all filled up."

            "No. And Malik, if you ever curse in front of Mokuba again, you can bet your God Card that I will throw you out! Permanently!" said Isis. Seto was oblivious to the world around him. He gazed happily at his reflection. _Kaiba Corp, watch out. Your old boss is about to pay you a visit,_ he thought, smirking.

            "Wait, Isis. Where is Seto going to sleep?" Malik asked.

            "On the couch," said Isis.

            "And where is Mokuba going to sleep?!" 

            "In your room."

            "Okay…and where am I going to sleep, then?!"

            "In the basement, where else?" said Isis.

            "But there are torture devices there! And they sometimes activate by themselves!" Malik said frantically.

            "Exactly," said Isis. "Maybe then you'll learn your lesson."

            "Come on, Isis! Haven't I suffered enough?" Malik asked. Isis stood up and stared at Malik bitterly.

            "The past fifteen years—that's your life by the way—have been nothing short of hell for me. I think it's only fair for you to suffer a little," said Isis. Seto was still staring at the mirror, and was still unconscious to the world around him.

            "Hey, Seto, I'm hungry," said Mokuba.

            "Oh, that reminds me. Did you try my specialty, Mokuba?" Malik asked.

            "Yeah. What was the green stuff?" asked Mokuba.

            "Mold, don't you love it?" Malik said.

            "You fed my brother mold?!" Seto screamed, awakening.

            "Well, yeah. What's wrong with mold?" Malik asked.

            "I'm not hungry anymore," said Mokuba.

            "Then I suppose you wouldn't want to go eat dinner with me and Seto," said Isis.

            "Of course I wouldn't. I might get in the way and I'm sure you want to be alone," said Mokuba.

            "We wouldn't want to be alone!" said Seto.

            "Definitely not! I was offering to feed you, stupid!" said Isis.

            "Did you just call my brother stupid?" Seto asked.

            "I meant it in a nice way, Kaiba," said Isis.

            "Nice or not, Mokuba's not stupid," said Seto.

            "Yeah! I watch the Discovery Channel!" said Mokuba. "And I go to school!"

            "Okay, okay! Sheesh. All that just for one little word," said Isis. "So, do you want to eat or not?"

            "No, I ate just before. Remember, the restaurant story?" said Seto.

            "And I just had Malik's specialty," said Mokuba.

            "Okay, so I'm the only person who didn't eat?" Isis asked. 

            "Wait, aren't you forgetting someone?" Malik asked.

            "Who?"

            "Me! I didn't eat!" said Malik.

            "One, I wasn't offering. Two, didn't you eat at Yami's house?" Isis asked.

            "No. Oh, and Kaiba, your food nearly killed Tea. But she didn't die because she's an it," said Malik.

            "Well, I'm not going anywhere with you, Malik, so we'll just stay here and I'll find something to eat," said Isis, entering the kitchen.

            "I'll be right back," said Malik gloomily and went upstairs. He returned a few minutes later clutching a bottle of liquor. At that inopportune time for Malik, Isis returned into the living room.

            "Okay, I'm making—whoa, Malik, where did that come from?" Isis asked.

            "I figured that your engagement is an excuse to get drunk. Yami kicked us all out before I could do so properly at his house," said Malik.

            "Engagement? What engagement?" Seto asked.

            "Oh, you know, Seto. Our little agreement," hinted Isis.

            "Oh, you mean that I'll be living here? Well, if it makes you happy, Malik," said Seto.

            "Ooooo, can I have some of the pretty liquid?" asked Mokuba.

            "No," said Seto automatically.

            "You let me have some last time," said Mokuba.

            "When was this?" Seto asked.

            "Before you lost all your money to Yami," said Mokuba.

            "Well, I was drunk. Somehow…" said Seto. Malik snickered, and Seto looked at him suspiciously. _It _is_ strange that I got drunk. I know my limitations. I wouldn't drink more than I knew I could handle. So how did I—and then it felt as if something clicked in his mind. "Actually, I think I know how I got drunk. Isn't that right, Malik?" That removed the snicker off Malik's face._

            "How would I know what goes on inside your sick mind, Kaiba?" Malik asked. _That's it. Stay calm. There's no way he knows anything. _Malik thought. _Or maybe he figured it—_

           "Oh, I think you know exactly what I'm thinking," Seto interrupted Malik's thoughts. "You spiked my drink, didn't you? The drink I took my aspirin with. That's why you and your insane Yami friend looked so happy. And that's why he was so eager for me to take it. I can't believe I didn't realize this earlier."

            "I can't believe you realized it at all," said Isis, shaking her head. 

            "I'm not a genius for nothing," said Seto. "I'm just interested in where you got the alcohol from…" Seto paused. The he remembered. "So that's what you were doing with Mokuba in my house. You got him to open the closet for you. And then you swiped the alcohol when I wasn't looking. Or before I even showed up. Let me guess; you took the super-saturated vodka?"

            "Oh Ra! How did you figure all of that out?! Yes, that's exactly what we used and that's exactly what happened! Geniuses suck," Malik whined.

            Seto scoffed. "Oh, please. It wasn't exactly a plan a mastermind would have come up with. Honestly, I would have expected you and Yami Bakura to come up with something much more complex." Malik fumed silently. _I love my brain. _Seto thought happily.       

            "You're so smart, big brother," said Mokuba admiringly.

            "I know," said Seto. Isis glanced at her watch.

            "Oh my God! It's eleven PM! I had no idea it was so late! Mokuba, upstairs, shower, now. You have school tomorrow. Malik, downstairs, bed, now, because I know you don't take showers. Seto, you're showering after Mokuba because you are not sleeping on my couch when you're filthy. And I'll go eat cereal or something," Isis dispensed orders.

            "Hey, why should I go to bed so early?" Malik asked.

            "Did you forget about what you're doing tomorrow?" she asked him.

            "What? Oh, yeah. Crap." Malik went downstairs, sulking.

            "Mokuba, go wash up," she said.

            "Oh, come on. Just one more game. Please! It's not the alien one! Come on!" Mokuba pleaded.

            "NOW!" said Isis. Mokuba got up and went upstairs. He knew there was no point in pestering Isis any further when she employed that tone.

            Seto stared at Isis. "Is this what life is always like here?"

            "No. Sometimes it's a little more hectic," she replied.

            "Oh." Just then, Malik came upstairs. His left arm was bleeding rapidly.

            "What the hell did you do to yourself, Malik?" Isis asked.

            "Remember the scalpel I stole from you when you were dissecting frogs? Well, I brushed against it," said Malik. He didn't seem too worried.

            "Did you know that the scalpel still had frog guts on it when it went missing?" Isis asked.

            "No it—it did?!" Malik asked, glancing at his arm.

            "You could be poisoned very severely," she said. 

            "Oh, crap! I don't want to die! The world isn't mine yet!" said Malik.

            "Well, then you better just expire now, Malik, because that's not happening," said Seto.

            "Shut up, both of you! Malik, there were no frog guts on it, at least not that I know of. Go wash up and go to bed! Understand?" said Isis.

            "You take the fun out of everything, sister," said Malik drearily. "Hey, wait a minute. Isis, why is Seto sleeping on the couch? Shouldn't he be—"

            "Malik, how much do you value your life?" Isis asked.

            "Um…a lot."

            "Then you'll shut up."

            "Yeah, whatever."

Malik's alarm clock rang the following morning. It took him a moment to actually remember what it was.

            "What the—stupid piece of junk! It's six in the morning! What the hell do I need to wake up at six o'clock in the morning for?!" He threw the alarm clock against the wall and went back to sleep.

            "Malik!" Isis called from upstairs. "Are you forgetting what day it is?"

            "Yeah. I forgot. Wake me up tomorrow," was Malik's reply.

            "Don't make me come down there!" said Isis. But Malik was already fast asleep.

            "I'll give him a minute to get his butt up here," Isis said upstairs. She entered the living room and found Seto completely awake, typing away on her laptop. 

            "What are you doing?" Isis asked.

            "Hacking into Kaiba Corp's computer mainframe," said Seto airily.

            "You can do that?" she asked.

            "Of course," he replied. "Trust me, it's not a challenge. If I know the level of Yami's stupidity, and I do, then I would know that he wouldn't have the common sense to change any of the passwords. Basically, I'm accessing my own records."

            "I see. When did you get up?" Isis asked.

            "About four-thirty. Why?" 

            "No reason. Why would you get up that early?" 

            "I used to sleep like three to four hours every night," Seto replied simply. Isis shrugged and went downstairs to wake Malik up by any means necessary. _Wow, you can have an actual conversation with Kaiba when he's working, _thought Isis. _He must be extremely happy._

            "Malik! GET OUT OF BED NOW!" she screamed when she was in the basement. Malik grunted and turned away from her. Isis pushed him off the cot and onto the floor. He continued snoring. Then she had an absolutely wicked idea. "Malik," she whispered, "I gave Seto Kaiba all three God Cards and all seven Millennium Items."

            "WHAT?! YOU COULDN'T HAVE! YOU DON'T HAVE THEM ALL!" Malik screamed.

            "At least you're awake. Now get up. You're going back to school today," said Isis.

            "They're actually letting me?" Malik asked wincingly. "I've been suspended for a year."

            "Well, they suspended you. They didn't expel you. Now go upstairs and put on your school uniform," ordered Isis. Malik got up grudgingly and went upstairs to his room.

            Seto stared at Malik when he emerged from the basement. 

            "What?" Malik asked.

            "I just didn't know Isis was okay with you walking around in nothing but boxers," said Seto and returned to his work. (A/N: I can imagine all the Malik fangirls now…)

            "I'm not," said Isis. "But I have no control over that, so you have to get used to it."

            "Mmm hmm…holy hell! Profits are down by fifty percent! Damn Yami! He controls my company for about a week and brings it to the brink of destruction," said Seto, shaking his head.

            "Malik, go get some clothes on, for God's sake!" said Isis.

            "Fine," said Malik.

            "Good morning!" said Mokuba, emerging from the kitchen.

            "What's so good about it?" Seto grunted.

            "Yeah, what he said!" Malik called from his room.

            "Okay. Seto, I presume you've eaten," said Isis. Seto nodded.

            "I have too," put in Mokuba. 

            "So then we're all set," said Isis. "Hurry up, Malik!"

"Class, we have one of our old students joining us today. Please welcome, Malik Ishtar," said the teacher. Malik entered the classroom. 

            "Oh God…" said Bakura. "He's back."

            "I don't get it. What's wrong with that?" asked Yugi.

            "Yugi, you moron, think! Just imagine what he and my yami will do if they get together!" said Bakura.

            //This must be a landmark moment for you, Bakura. I don't think I've ever heard you insult someone.// said Yami Bakura from his soul room. Bakura laughed nervously.

            "Malik, take your seat next to—oh my. Why don't you get rid of some of that jewelry and put it away?" the teacher suggested. Malik clutched his arm band defensively.

            "You touch my gold and you die," he said clearly.

            "Um…okay. Speaking of which, where is your school uniform?" the teacher questioned. Malik eyed him crossly.

            "Up the Pharaoh's butt and around the corner," said Malik. The teacher's jaw dropped.

            "E-excuse me?" he asked, shocked.

            "I'd say something else, but Yugi Mutou is present in the room," said Malik.

            "Remind me. Why were you suspended?" the teacher inquired.

            "Long story," said Malik.

            "Well then, go sit in the empty seat next to Bakura," he ordered.

            "Sure," Malik replied gratefully and sat down.

            "NO!" Bakura screamed. "Blood loss awaits me!" 

            "That ain't fair! We all have to suffer while psycho-boy over there gets to do whatever he wants? This sucks," said Joey.

            "Well, what do you expect? The teacher's afraid of him," said Tristan.

            "So am I," said Tea nervously.

            "I'd be more afraid of Kaiba if I were you. Once he finds out that you like him," said Joey.

            "Ah…Seto…" Tea swooned.

            "I feel so bad for that guy," said Joey. "No one deserves Tea."

"Thanks for dropping me off, Isis," said Seto, getting out of Isis' car.

            "Yeah, whatever. Just make sure you get the job or else I will hurt you," said Isis and sped off. Seto shrugged and went inside the Kaiba Corp building. and sped off. Seto shrugged and went inside the Kaiba Corp building. He walked up to the front desk.

            "How may I help you?" The clerk asked.

            "I'm here for a job interview."

            "Well, we don't have any scheduled for today," the woman replied, staring at her computer screen.

            "You'll make time for me," said Seto.

            "Well, I couldn't—"

            "Do you know who I am?" Seto asked. The woman looked up.

            "Oh, Mr. Kaiba, it's you," she said.

            "Yes it is. Now, is there anyone I can see about this?" he asked.

            "I'll see to it now," said the woman. Within a few minutes, one of the Kaiba Corp executives came downstairs.

            "Mr. Kaiba! What are you doing here?" he asked, sounding very happy to see him. Seto realized there was no need to state his reason. They were practically dying without him.

            "I just came to look things over," said Seto. "To see how your new boss is doing."

            "Not too well. Our profits are down, way down," the executive replied. "I'd tell you the exact number, but I don't want to be responsible for giving you an early age heart attack."

            "No number will surprise me," said Seto. 

            "Fifty percent," the executive said. This caused no change in Seto's expression whatsoever. "You don't seem surprised."

            "That's because I'm not. I knew Yugi Mutou would bring this company down," said Seto calmly.

            The executive took a deep breath. "Mr. Kaiba, please come back. We're falling apart without you. Mr. Mutou hasn't shown up for work since a few days ago, and that was to go bungee jumping off the roof. Bungee jumping off the roof! I don't know what we're going to do. Please, Mr. Kaiba, do whatever you can to become CEO again." Seto thought for a moment. 

            "Are there any job openings?" he asked.

            "Lots. People keep quitting. Too much stress," said the executive. "The CFO just quit." (A/N: For those who don't know, CFO means Chief Financial Officer.)

            "Well, if you need me that badly, I suppose I can take that position," said Seto. 

            "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" said the executive, sounding very undignified for a Kaiba Corp worker. "Can you start now?"

            "Yes." 

            "Thank you!" _Oh, I am too good, _Seto thought. 

"In! Now!" said the teacher, too angry to speak in full, complete sentences. Malik entered the principal's office and made himself comfortable.

            "Hi! I'm waiting for my mom to pick me up. What are you here for?" a girl asked.

            "Suspension, probably," said Malik, looking at the girl.

            "What's your name?" the girl asked.

            "Malik Ishtar."

            "Oh, I've heard of you. You're like famous. My brother told me to stay away from you since you're dangerous or something. But he never said you were that hot," said the girl. Malik rolled his eyes.

            "Oh, so you mean he said I was semi-hot? Where did he go wrong?" asked Malik.

            "I haven't seen you around. Where have you been?" she asked.

            "Suspended for a year."

            "What for?"

            "I almost killed someone," said Malik simply, like it was something that happened everyday.

            "You did what?" the girl asked, her eyes widening.

            "The guy was bothering me, so I controlled his mind and made him run in front of a car. Would you like me to demonstrate?" he said. The girl shrieked and ran to the farthest corner of the room. Malik snickered. At that moment, the principal entered the room.        

            "Malik Ishtar. What a surprise it is to see you here on your first day back," he said sarcastically.

            "Isn't it though?" Malik replied with equal sarcasm. The principal glanced at the girl Malik had successfully terrified.

            "Working your magic, I see?" said the principal. "What did you do this time?" He looked at the note, read it, and then eyed Malik skeptically. "You did that?" Malik nodded hopefully.

            "Well, then I have no choice but to suspend you again. For three weeks."

            "YES!" said Malik, but quickly corrected himself saying, "I mean, oh no."

"Get in the car, Malik, before I change my mind and run over you," said Isis.

            "Hey, it's not my fault they can't appreciate hieroglyphics," said Malik.

            "Give me the note so I can see why I have to put up with you for another three weeks," she ordered. Malik obeyed.

            "Let's see. 'Dear Ms. Ishtar, Seeing as you are Malik Ishtar's legal guardian it is our duty to inform you that he has been suspended for an additional three weeks. The reason was serious infraction on our school dress code. It clearly states that students are not allowed to wear excessive jewelry or come to school without wearing a school uniform. However, oftentimes this rule is not enforced if the students have a good reason. But when this is so, they are not permitted to dress openly. (In example: belly shirts.) Nor are they permitted to remove their clothing. Please contact me for further discussion on this matter,'" she read. "Explain."

            "Well, some new kid was showing off so I decided to make him shut up. I…um…well…"

            "You took your shirt off, didn't you?" Isis finished.

            "Yeah," said Malik.

            "What were you doing wearing it anyway? I told you to put on your school uniform!" said Isis, glowering.

            "No you didn't. You said, and I quote, 'Malik, go get some clothes on, for God's sake!'" he replied. 

            "You knew perfectly well what I meant."

            "No I didn't. You forget, Isis, I'm an idiot," said Malik.

            "Oh, no, don't worry. That I didn't forget."

"Yes! Guess what?" Seto asked as he entered his temporary home.

            "You have a deadly disease and you only have twenty-four hours to live," said Malik.

            "No. I got a job! At Kaiba Corp!" said Seto.

            "That's great, big brother," said Mokuba.

            "Does this mean you'll be moving out?" Malik asked hopefully.

            "No. Where's your sister?" Seto asked. 

            "Why do you want to see her? So you can inform her that you're going to support the family?" Malik asked.

            "What?" Seto asked. Just then, Isis entered her house, closely followed by one of her co-workers.

            "Where were you?" Malik asked.

            "The hospital," said Isis.

            "Oh my God! Are you—I mean, you and Seto, are you going to have a—"

            "No, you thick-headed idiot. Someone I work with got hit by a car," Isis interrupted Malik.

            "Isis, I was thinking about my offer to you before, and—"

            "Sorry, I can't. I'm…um…married," she said. Her co-worker looked like a beaten dog.

            "To whom?" he asked.

            "Er…I…uh…Seto Kaiba," she answered, saying the first name that came to her mind.

            "What?!" Seto shouted.

            "Oh. Well, I can understand why you wouldn't want to leave him. You're a lucky one, Kaiba," said the co-worker. "So, any children?"

            "I'm only twenty!" Isis scowled.

            "Eh, whatever. Sorry for bothering you all those times." He got up and walked out the door.

            "We got married? When?" Seto asked, folding his arms. "You could've consulted me first."

            "We're not married…yet," she added, noticing Malik's expression.

            "Oh. So we got engaged when your brother got me drunk?" Seto asked.

            "No. It's just that…oh, fine. Someone told Malik that we were getting married and I just didn't bother to correct them. Besides, it was making Malik lose his mind."

            "You mean there was actually something for him to lose?" Seto asked.

            "Wait. You mean you're not engaged?" Malik asked.

            "NO!" said Seto and Isis, disgusted by the mere thought. 

            "Who told you that, anyway?" Seto asked. Then, on an impulse, Seto and Isis looked at Mokuba.

            "Don't look at me. I didn't do anything," said Mokuba.

            "He's right, you know," said Malik. "Yami's the one who told me."

            "And where would Yami get and idea like that?" Seto asked. He looked at Mokuba with a penetrating gaze.

            "Well, I just told him that you were here so you and Isis could straighten out your lives," said Mokuba. "It's not my fault Yami can't understand when people are being literal." 

            "Whatever. I'm going to bed early today," announced Isis, going upstairs. Seto took out a laptop he stole from someone's desk at Kaiba Corp. He just figured he'd give it back when he was done.

            "Well, I've been working for just a day and our profits bounced right back up. What would these people do without me?" Seto gloated.

            "Get paid more," said Malik. Seto glared at him.

            "Hey, Seto, I was wondering. Do you want to see Isis in her pajamas?" Mokuba asked. 

            "_No, _Mokuba," said Seto. "I mean it, don't start annoying me."

It was a long and tedious week for everyone except Seto, who felt like he was in heaven, by the way, but the weekend finally arrived. Of course, for Seto, that meant more work. And of course, for Seto, that was sheer bliss.

            "Why don't you just replace the stupid Pharaoh so I can get my normal life back?" asked a disgruntled Malik Saturday morning.

            "Because I can't do that. He's CEO. He has more power than I do. If I could, don't you think I would've done that a long time ago? Do you think I actually like living here instead of my mansion?" said Seto, typing away on his laptop. "And working on this old, out-dated laptop?"

            The doorbell rang.

            "Oh, damn it, I thought I turned the alarm clock off!" said Malik.

            "That's not the alarm clock, you moron. That's the doorbell," said Seto. It rang again. 

            "Oh," said Malik. Neither of them made a move to open it.

            "Aren't you going to open it?" Seto asked.

            "No."

            "Can someone get that?!" Isis called from her room. "I'm busy working. It's for you anyway, Malik."

            "I'm not opening the door for him!" said Malik.

            "Set—"

            "Interrupting me while I'm working means instant death for anyone who dares to do so," replied Seto. "Except Mokuba," he added as an afterthought. The doorbell continued ringing incessantly.

            "Oh, that's okay people. Relax, I'll get it," said Isis angrily as she came downstairs. She opened the door.

            "Ah, Isis! How are you? I was beginning to get worried. I thought Malik may have killed everyone. Speaking of which, where is the Sadistic One?" asked the elderly man at the door.

            "Come in. No, Malik was just hesitant in getting the door," explained Isis. "Malik, your psychiatrist is here."

            "What joy," said Malik sarcastically. Seto was doubled over, laughing hysterically.

            "It's worth being interrupted for that," he said. "You have a psychiatrist?"

            "I don't need one, but Isis thinks I do. Stupid annoying meddling woman!" said Malik.

            "I suggest you quit this job," Seto said to the psychiatrist, "because after some time with Malik you're the one who'll be needing therapy."

            "Oh, Kaiba, you have such a wonderful personality," said Malik sarcastically.

            "Kaiba?" interjected the psychiatrist. "As in, Seto Kaiba?"

            "Yeah, that's me," said Seto. _Why do I have a bad feeling about this? He thought._

            "It is you! I thought I recognized you. My granddaughter is a huge fan of yours. I would ask you to meet her, but she likes to talk a lot. I don't think you'd be able to get one word in. Though she did tell me she met your twin brother and that he was a complete jerk," he said. Seto smiled to himself, wondering how people could be so stupid. (A/N: In case everyone has forgotten what I'm talking about due to the fact that I haven't updated in two months, I'm referring to what can only be described as the rabid fangirl from chapter five. The one who kept ranting and wouldn't shut up.)

            "Well, that's nice to know," Seto lied. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work to be getting along with."

            "Of course. Besides, Malik here has his weekly session right now. But before you go, can I have your autograph for my granddaughter?" asked the psychiatrist hopefully.

            "Maybe some other time, I'm extremely busy," said Seto, remembering the girl he met. He shuddered. That was one fan he would be willing to relinquish.

            "Don't tell me you're leaving me alone with him?" Malik asked Seto helplessly.

            "Yes," said Seto. Malik stared wide-eyed as Seto entered the kitchen.

            _Well, it appears I've already begun to get my revenge on Malik. Well, one down, and two more morons to go. _Seto thought.

*   *   *

JK: Sorry for the really long, weird, and possibly even boring update. But when you write about life at the Ishtar household, things aren't going to be normal. And as for the part about it being boring, I have a really bad case of writer's block. Well, I hope the length makes up for the time it took me to actually write this! 

Seto: I love this chapter! It's the best one so far!

Malik: Well, I didn't. Are you sure this chapter shouldn't have been called "Malik's Hell"?

Yami: What are you talking about, Kaiba? That chapter was horrible. Tea didn't die!

Malik: I've already explained this. Tea didn't die because she's an it.

Yami: Oh, right.

Yami Bakura: And the Weakling said his first mean word!

Dark Shadows: Yeah, we all grew up so much.

JK: Except you. You'll never grow up.

Dark Shadows: True…

JK: Anyway, thanks to anyone who actually read all of this and an even bigger thanks to anyone who'll review! And it won't take me this long to write Chapter 9. 

Seto: Yes! I get more revenge.

Yami: So who's suffering next, JK?

JK: I think I'll let Seto choose.

(Seto smiles maliciously at Yami.)

Yami: Oh no…

              
 


	9. The Failed Plan

Broke-Chapter 9: The Failed Plan  
JK: No, this isn't a hallucination. I am continuing.  
  
Seto: Yes! Thank God!  
  
JK: Finally, a different reaction from you.  
  
Seto: So, this is revenge chapter number two.  
  
JK: Yup.  
  
Yami Yugi and Yami Bakura: Oh crap.  
  
Malik: KAIBA! YOU DRANK ALL THE BEER!  
  
Seto: Oh, did I?  
  
Malik: What do you mean, "Oh did I?"  
  
Isis: Malik, that was Mokuba. I swear; you blame Kaiba for everything.  
  
Mokuba: He doesn't blame me for everything, except the time I peed in his bed, but that was true.  
  
Isis: I meant your brother, Mokuba.  
  
Seto: I have a first name, you know.  
  
Malik (sarcastically): For real? I didn't know that!  
  
Seto: Of course not. You don't know anything.  
  
Malik: You shouldn't talk that way to someone who can beat the crap out of you, Seto.  
  
Isis: Malik, are you insane? He's a full head taller than you are.  
  
Joey (muttering to Yugi): Did you hear that? She goes for tall people! (He leaves.)  
  
(Joey returns wearing high-heeled shoes.)  
  
Joey: So, Isis, whatcha doing Saturday night?  
  
(Isis elbows Joey in the ribs.)  
  
Joey (with the wind knocked out of him): I guess you're busy...  
  
Mai: JOEY WHEELER YOU RETURN MY SHOES THIS INSTANT OR I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!  
  
Joey: What are you talking about?  
  
Mai: I'M NOT STUPID, YOU HIDEOUS EXCUSE FOR A GUY! GIVE ME MY FIFTEEN-INCH PLATFORM SHOES OR ELSE THEY'LL BE THE LAST PAIR OF SHOES YOU'LL EVER WEAR! No, wait, MAKE THAT THE LAST THING YOU'LL EVER WEAR!  
  
Joey: What, you're gonna steal my clothing? I knew I had good taste, but really...that's desperate.  
  
Isis: Just give Mai back her shoes, Joey.  
  
Seto: Yeah, puppy dog, listen to the smartest female in our midst. But don't let your head swell too much, Isis. When you consider the other contestants for that title, you'll realize there wasn't much of a contest.  
  
Mai and Tea: EXCUSE ME?!  
  
Yami: Tea, how does that concern you? You're no female.  
  
Tea: Don't call me a guy!  
  
Yami: I never said you were a guy.  
  
Tea: Well, if I'm not a female or a guy, what am I?  
  
Yami: Um...well...an it.  
  
Tea: Am not!  
  
Yami: You're just in the closet.  
  
Tea: Oh. Yami, you're so smart...  
  
Seto: Ugh...how disgusting. Tea swooning over Yami. What more could go wrong today?  
  
Isis: Allow me to demonstrate. (punches Seto)  
  
Seto: OW! What the hell was that for?  
  
Isis: For your little sneering comment earlier. My head does not SWELL.  
  
Seto: Ah...  
  
Malik: Hey, Isis, you're busy Saturday night? Busy doing what?  
  
Isis (after pinching Malik's cheek): That is of no concern to you, dear little brother.  
  
Malik: DON'T DO THAT!  
  
Mai: Shut up all of you! Joey, give me my shoes!  
  
Joey: What do you need dem shoes for?  
  
Mai: What do you think, genius? To wear them!  
  
Joey: But what are you wearing now?  
  
Mai: Ten inch platform shoes. But they're no where near high enough.  
  
Joey: Oh, fine. (gives shoes to Mai) It's not like Isis was going to date me anyway.  
  
Mai: What was that?!  
  
Joey: Nothing!  
  
Seto: JK, you've been awfully quiet. Who's going to fall in a hell hole this time?  
  
JK: Huh, what? Oh. No one.  
  
Seto: Hmm...then what have you been scheming?  
  
JK: Nothing. I was just taping this little event. And I got it all.  
  
Seto: Oh well. I didn't do anything embarrassing.  
  
Yami: Oh, Tea, can I ask you a question?  
  
Tea: Oh my God! THAT question?!  
  
Yami: What? What question?  
  
Seto: She means, "Will you marry me?"  
  
Tea: Of course, Seto!  
  
Seto: What?! No, I was just telling Yami what you meant!  
  
JK: Well that's a nice question to ask someone of your own gender.  
  
Tea: You don't have to hide anything from me! I know you love me!  
  
Seto: I swear, hag, if you don't shut up---  
  
Tea: I love you too! It makes perfect se---  
  
(Tea collapses onto the ground, unconscious.)  
  
Seto: Um, what just happened?  
  
Isis: I used the same lamp on her that Malik used on you a few chapters ago. I couldn't stand to listen to that any longer.  
  
Malik: Oh, really? And WHY would that be, sister?  
  
Isis: I could use the lamp on you too, you know.  
  
Malik: No, that's not necessary, sister.  
  
Isis: I have a name, Malik!  
  
Seto: See, you don't like it that much either.  
  
Malik: Kaiba, you are asking for it! My insane sister is still holding the lamp! Would you like to have the little "Don't call me a monkey" scenario repeated once again?  
  
Seto: Hey, that was degrading to you. You can't even speak your own language.  
  
Malik: HEY! My language in not ancient Egyptian!  
  
Isis: Shut up before I hit both of you!  
  
Malik: Hey, she's too young to be going through middle age crisis. What's wrong with her?  
  
Seto: No, women go through something else when they have mood swings. (snickers)  
  
(JK grabs the lamp and whacks Seto on the head.)  
  
Seto (wiping away blood): OW!  
  
JK: You were really asking for it. DON'T TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, KAIBA!  
  
Yami: Oh, she's mad. She called you "Kaiba." That's never a good sign.  
  
JK: Yami...  
  
Yami: I'll shut up.  
  
JK: Nah, just do the disclaimer.  
  
Yami: If JK owned us we would all be dead. And since we're not, well, take a guess!  
  
JK: Well that was cheery. (whacks Yami with the lamp) I love my authoress powers.  
  
Yami: Well, I don't.  
  
Seto: I'm going to sue!  
  
JK: No, you're not.  
  
Seto: Just why not?  
  
JK: Because then I'll let Yami keep your money. And your house. And your job. And your Blue Eyes White Dragon plushie.  
  
Seto: MY PLUSHIE!  
  
JK: I'm glad we've reached an understanding.  
  
Seto: I hate you...  
  
Yami: Welcome to the club.  
"So, and then, my son said, 'Daddy, I can go potty all by myself.' I was so proud," said Malik's psychiatrist. Malik sat there, twirling a strand of hair around his finger and obviously not caring.  
  
"Okay, old dude, I really don't give a crap about your son learning how to potty. My future brother-in-law's brother still has to learn how to do that, so I'm sure I'll be hearing about that quite a bit. Don't you have any interesting stories? Like about world domination or death or at least blood?" Malik asked wearily.  
  
"Um...actually, I don't." The psychiatrist paused for a second. "I know! Why don't we play a little personality game? I'm going to put you in a situation you've never been in and see how you react. This will tell us about your personality."  
  
"Do you mean literally, or are we going to use"---he put on a look of childish delight and said in gleeful sarcasm---" our IMAGINATION?"  
  
"No, we're going to use our imagination," said the old man. He must be out of ideas. Malik thought triumphantly. Perfect. Maybe he'll leave soon.  
  
"Fine, but make this quick," said Malik, finally letting go of his hair.  
  
"Okay. Pretend you are part of the first expedition to the moon. You reach it, and are the first person to step foot on the moon. What would you say to mission control?" the psychiatrist asked. Could he get any cornier? Malik asked himself.  
  
"Well, I would say something like, 'Houston, I gotta go pee,'" said Malik. His psychiatrist sighed.  
  
"What? The bathrooms in space can't be too comfortable. Besides, your little potty story inspired me," said Malik.  
  
"Well if you're so smart then why don't you give me a word, at least, to describe your personality?"  
  
"Only one word, huh? Okay, sadistic," said Malik. The psychiatrist stared. "What? Something I said, old man?"  
  
"Nothing, nothing at all," he answered, composing himself. "Anything new happening?"  
  
"Well, I got suspended from school again. Three weeks this time."  
  
"Who'd you kill this time?"  
  
"No, I just took my shirt off in front of my class. The teacher looked a bit disappointed; I don't know what SHE was expecting," said Malik, snickering. "A few of the boys looked disappointed as well. I hate it when people mistake me for a girl."  
  
"Really, Malik? That's a nice twist to the story I can't say you've told me," said Isis, entering the living room. Unbeknownst to Malik---or the psychiatrist---she'd been standing at the foot of the stairs listening to their conversation.  
  
"I can't say you've told me about your new urge to listen in on me," said Malik, frowning. He hated when his sister looked at him like that. It made him feel so inferior.  
  
"Don't be such a baby. You know I never listen in on you," said Isis.  
  
"What about my phone call with Yami Bakura?! You listened in on the whole thing!"  
  
"You put the freaking conversation on speaker phone, retard!"  
  
"Well, then being a retard runs in the family!"  
  
"Then that means you were switched at birth, because as far as I know, mom and dad were NORMAL!" Isis bellowed.  
  
"Um...I think I'll be heading home now..." said the psychiatrist quietly.  
  
"SHUT THE HELL UP, FRUIT CAKE!" the siblings screamed in unison.  
  
"Okay then," he said, getting up slowly and making his way toward the door. "Their whole family needs therapy. The only normal person seemed to be Seto Kaiba. Wonder what he was doing in that nut house." he said on his way out.  
  
"AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND HOURS MODELING IN FRONT OF MY RARE HUNTERS ASKING THEM IF MY ROBES ARE TOO TIGHT AND THEN WHEN THEY SAY NO MAKING THEM TIGHTER!" screamed Isis.  
  
"DO I LOOK LIKE MAI VALENTINE TO YOU?!"  
  
"YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME FEMININE STYLE! HELLO! YOU WEAR A FREAKING LAVENDER BELLY SHIRT! DOES THAT SEEM NORMAL TO YOU?!"  
  
"WELL I DON'T GO DRUG FORMER BILLIONAIRES TO MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!"  
  
"OH, YEAH, WELL YOU DRUG FORMER TOMB ROBBERS TO MAKE THEM DO GOD KNOWS WHAT!"  
  
"SHUT UP, YOU &$*&^$(*&^$*&@^!&%@$#!#$@!#&**(&^%$#$^%^!"  
  
"HEY, SHE'S YOUR MOTHER TOO!"  
  
"*&#$&*^^!@%^#!*(*#_!*_!&*!&^#^#%^@%^%@%^!%@$%!%^%#^@%^@!" Malik screamed.  
  
"OH, YEAH?! FINE! *&#$&*^^!@%^#!*(*#_!*_!&*!&^#^# %^@%^%@%^!%@$%!%^%#^@%^@ TO YOU TOO!" Isis yelled.  
  
"Pardon me for interrupting this sophisticated conversation, but I'm trying to work! Have you two grown up since you were four years old?!" Seto interrupted, running into the living room from the kitchen. He looked like he could take a leaf out of Yami Bakura's book and gouge both of someone's eyes out.  
  
"Of course we have, but Malik just hasn't grown up mentally," said Isis.  
  
"Damn, at least you were cursing in a different language," said Seto. "Mokuba would have a field day if that was in English." (A/N: As I said a few chapters ago, but since probably almost no one remembered, I know that they speak Japanese but for the sake of this fic they speak English because I happen not to be fluent in Japanese.) Mokuba ran in, clutching a notebook.  
  
"I got it all!" he said happily. "My hand is cramped from writing so much and so fast, but I got everything they said!"  
  
"Give me that," said Seto, snatching the book from Mokuba's hand. He looked to be counting in his head. "How many languages is this in?"  
  
"I know curses in English, Japanese, Ancient Egyptian, regular Egyptian, Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, Portuguese, Russian, German, and Australian!" said Mokuba happily.  
  
"Where'd you learn all of these? Half of these even I don't know. And I wrote a book of them when I was twelve for Gozaburo-baka," said Seto.  
  
"Yami Bakura can be very informative," said Mokuba.  
  
"Okay then," said Seto. "But if I ever catch you using any of the words in this notebook, I'll take away your Monster Capsule game for a year." Mokuba stared at Seto in horror. (A/N: Monster Capsule is supposed to be this game that Mokuba likes.) Seto ignored this and went into the kitchen, still clutching the notebook. Malik stared after him.  
  
"Kaiba can be strict," said Malik. "Ew..."  
  
"Shut up, Malik," said Isis. "You need someone like him to crack the whip on you."  
  
"Ah, defending your love, are you?" asked Malik, snickering.  
  
Isis picked up a nearby book and flung it at Malik's head, hitting him dead-center in the forehead.  
  
"OW!" Malik screamed, clutching his forehead.  
  
"You really need to shut up, Malik," said Isis, and went into the kitchen. "What are you doing, Kaiba?" she asked when she spotted Seto. He had the stove on, but he wasn't cooking anything.  
  
"I'm getting the stove nice and hot to burn Mokuba's notebook," said Seto simply.  
  
"Obsessive, aren't you?" she asked.  
  
"Just a little," said Seto.  
  
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, they're bonding," said Malik in the living room, his ear pressed to the door of the kitchen.  
  
"Really?" Mokuba asked, pulling his attention away from his video game.  
  
"Yup, they haven't bickered once," said Malik.  
  
"YAY!" said Mokuba, and directed his attention back on his game. "Oh, crap! I died!" He suddenly realized what he said, and put his palm to his mouth. "Malik, Seto didn't hear me, did he? He must've memorized the whole book by now! My brother is a genius!" Malik looked at the pathetic child. He laughed.  
  
"No, Mokuba. I think Kaiba's too busy studying my sister," said Malik. Mokuba relaxed and laughed too.  
  
"Well, women are one thing my brother isn't a genius at," said Mokuba. He and Malik fell to the floor, laughing hysterically. Just then, Isis and Seto entered the living room.  
  
"Aw, look, Seto, they're bonding," said Isis. Mokuba and Malik stopped laughing.  
  
"Wow, it's amazing how alike you and Malik are," said Mokuba. Malik's jaw just hung.  
  
"Hmm...alike...you think alike...alike...people hate alike...oh hell yeah! I got it!" said Seto and ran into the kitchen. In a millisecond he returned with his laptop, grabbed his trench coat and ran out the door. Isis, Malik, and Mokuba stared after him.  
  
"Is that what he always does when he gets an inspiration?" Isis asked Mokuba.  
  
"No. He's usually very calm," said Mokuba. "But since he lost his job and his dueling honor, Seto couldn't get inspirations."  
  
"Got a hanky?" asked Malik sarcastically. Isis glared at Malik, and Malik covered his head defensively. Isis threw a remote control at his back. "OW! How is it that you always win?!"  
  
"Because I'm me, and you're...well, you're you," said Isis.  
"Oh, come on Yugi! Pick a damn outfit! I don't have all day to drive you to your date with Tea. I'm actually going to show up for work today!" said Yami at the Kaiba---I mean Mutou---mansion.  
  
"But I want to look good on our date!" said his aibou in a disgruntled manner.  
  
"I don't see why you're trying so hard. Tea always shows up looking like crap whenever you go out with her," said Yami.  
  
"But you forget, I never went out with her. This is our first date," said Yugi.  
  
"Am I supposed to feel touched or something?" asked Yami.  
  
"No, I meant that the only time you've ever seen her on a date was when she was with you," said Yugi in his naïve, innocent way.  
  
Yami opened his mouth then shut it. Was his aibou implying that he wasn't good enough for Tea?  
  
"Aibou, are you implying that I'm not good enough for Tea?" he asked in shock.  
  
"I don't think so. But she probably does," said Yugi.  
  
"Why you little---" Yami screamed, jumping onto Yugi and pummeling him into the ground. This went on for about ten minutes, and the only decipherable sounds were that of Yugi screaming phrases such as, "OW!" and "Get this is ancient freak off of me!"  
  
"Who's picking on you, Yug'? Joey asked, entering the room. He raised his eyebrows when he saw them. "Did I miss something?"  
  
"No, nothing," said Yami, somewhat disheveled.  
  
"Okay.can we go yet?" asked Joey.  
  
"Wait, all three of you are going out?" asked Yami stupidly. For once Joey had a chance to marvel at someone else's stupidity. He didn't know enough to take advantage of that.  
  
"No! HELL NO! I'm just goin' to play a prank on her," said Joey.  
  
"Sounds like fun," said Yami.  
  
"You can come too, if you want," said Joey.  
  
"Nah, I have to go to work," said Yami. Joey simply stared at Yami as if he was insane.  
"There," said Seto Kaiba, slamming a large booklet down on the conference table of the five top executives of Kaiba Corp. "That is a petition to get the CEO"---he shuddered at calling Yami CEO---"fired. It is signed by every single employee of Kaiba Corp, save for Yugi Muto himself." He was usually quite calm and rational when speaking to people he worked with, but he just couldn't manage that today.  
  
"Fine!" said four of them immediately without even bothering to look at the petition. But the fifth one was not to be pleased so easily. I knew he had it in for me. Seto thought, groaning.  
  
"But, Mr. Kaiba," he said, "what will we do without a CEO? Where can we find one as good as Mr. Muto?" Seto scoffed at his sarcasm and replied with some of his own.  
  
"As good as Mr. Muto? I assure you, a baboon could do better than Mr. Muto. At least then customers would be lining up to see that," he said. The other four executives struggled to suppress their laughter.  
  
"So you're planning on hiring a baboon, then?" asked the executive.  
  
"No. I'm planning on hiring someone who can bring this wreck of a company back up," said Seto.  
  
"By that you mean yourself," said the executive. "In which case I do not agree to that. As I'm sure you know, Seto Kaiba, the CEO can only get fired if ALL five Kaiba Corp top executives agree to do so. And I'm afraid that's out of the question." It was all Seto could do to stand there peacefully without making the five Kaiba Corp top executives the FOUR Kaiba Corp top executives.  
  
"You've lost your mind!" one of the others said.  
  
"We'll all be bankrupt if we don't fire that idiot! For money's sake, he went bungee jumping off the roof!" another said. Well, that was easy for someone who can't die. Thought Seto blankly, watching them argue.  
  
"And he hasn't shown up for work for the past few days! Mr. Kaiba never missed a single day of work!"  
  
"Nevermind, gentlemen," Seto said, interrupting their argument. "I see his mind is not to be changed." Everyone turned to stare at him. What was this, Seto Kaiba actually QUITTING? "I'll be off then." Seto exited the room, walking toward the elevator. There has to be a more humiliating way to get Yami fired. My revenge won't be satisfying otherwise. Perhaps I could beat him at his own game...Thought Seto. The elevator doors opened just as Seto laughed maliciously.  
  
"Kaiba? What are you doing here?!" Yami asked frantically. Seto looked at him calmly.  
  
"I happen to work here, Yami," said Seto in a low voice.  
  
"But---but I ordered him to shoot you in the event you ever came here ever again!" Yami pointed at him. "Security!" Everyone in the crowded hallway turned toward Yami, and then rolled their eyes.  
  
"Seems the people like me more than you," said Seto. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to be getting along with." He entered the elevator and pressed the "Close Doors" button, as he really didn't want to stick around and look at Yami any longer. His money-stuffed pockets were really starting to get to him.  
  
Yami, meanwhile, ran into the room Seto had just come from.  
  
"Okay, what the hell is Seto Kaiba doing anywhere within fifty miles of this damn place?!" he screamed.  
  
"Mr. Mutou, have we decided to show up for work today?" asked one of the executives.  
  
"That's not important now! What the hell is Seto Kaiba doing with a job here?!" Yami repeated.  
  
"He's CFO, Mr. Mutou. But perhaps you'd know that if you were around more often," said another one of the executives. Yami simply stared in horror.  
  
"Kaiba.CFO.near.my.company.Kaiba.why.AHHHHHHHH! WHY?!" Yami ended in a scream.  
  
"Don't worry Mr. Mutou, we have no intention of giving him your job. You just work so well," said the executive that had it in for our dear mentally unstable former CEO. (A/N: Seto: What the hell?! I am NOT mentally unstable! JK: Sorry, just had to put that.)  
  
"Well, thank you," said Yami smugly, and left the room to go to his own office.  
  
"You really hate Kaiba, don't you?" one of the executives asked.  
  
"Hate is an understatement," replied the other.  
  
"Why? He was a great boss. Cheap, yes, but he managed the company really well."  
  
"He stole my girlfriend!" screamed the executive. The other four stared at him.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Well, he did," said the executive (whom we will now dub Kaiba-hater). He looked extremely sorry that he had spoken.  
  
"How'd he do that?"  
  
"Well...my girlfriend took one look at him and decided I wasn't good enough for her," said Kaiba-hater. The other executives stared at him for a minute, and burst out laughing.  
"Malik, it appears Kaiba isn't as unpopular as we thought he was," said Yami Bakura. Malik looked at him.  
  
"What in the hell are you talking about?" Malik asked, disgruntled. They were at Kaiba Corp., and Malik had a serious desire to murder Kaiba on the spot. It didn't help that the guard at the front door was not letting them through.  
  
"I used the Millennium Ring to tap into some conversation, apparently between the five top executives of Kaiba Corp. And one of them got his girlfriend stolen, courtesy of Kaiba," said Yami Bakura.  
  
"Who was the girlfriend? Seto's grandmother?" asked Malik.  
  
"No, it wasn't Tea," answered Yami Bakura, actually thinking about Malik's remark. "But you can't be sure." Malik sighed.  
  
"That was a joke. I guess when your brain decayed your sense of humor went out along with it. But I wonder if Isis knows how popular Seto is with the ladies," said Malik.  
  
"Why would she care?" asked Yami Bakura. Malik sighed yet again.  
  
"You just won't accept the facts, will you? Seto and Isis got married," said Malik.  
  
"Married?" asked Yami Bakura blankly.  
  
"Yeah, you know: M-E-R-Y-D. Married," said Malik. "That's when two people are joined in-"  
  
"I KNOW what marriage is, you stupid mortal! I was just repeating what you said in horror!" screamed Yami Bakura.  
  
"Don't call me a stupid mortal, you stupid no-brained weird albino freak!" screamed Malik in return. The guard stared at Malik, who had by now not been able to resist his murderous nature and had drawn out his Millennium Rod and turned it into a dagger.  
  
"Whoa, easy on the adjectives!" said the guard. "Damn, you freaks fight like an old married couple!" He paused and looked at them suspiciously. "You're not in love, are you?"  
  
"And so what if we are?!" Malik and Yami Bakura screamed at the same time.  
  
"O...kay," said the guard, inching away from them. "I'll let you through, just DON'T KISS IN FRONT OF ME!" The guard stepped aside.  
  
"Aw...I was hoping he'd run off squealing like a pig," said Malik. "What a disappointment."  
  
"I can't believe he bought that!" Yami Bakura said in pure astonishment. "Who could possibly believe that someone as manly as me would love a guy?"  
  
"Manly?" Malik asked. "MANLY?! You are not manly, Bakura. Sorry to dash your fantasies."  
  
"Well, neither are you!" Yami Bakura retaliated.  
  
"Well, I got suspended for taking my shirt off! A girl wouldn't do that!" said Malik. By now the whole lobby was staring at the strange scene.  
  
Yami Bakura, on the other hand, seemed to have run out of insults and was silent. Then, he erupted in ancient Egyptian.  
  
"SO THERE! JUST DIE!" he finished in ancient Egyptian. (I'd translate the rest of that, but it's pretty much pointless as it would have to be censored.)  
  
"Wait, can you repeat that? You lost me after the phrase that translates into *&^$ you," said Malik.  
  
"Never mind," said Yami Bakura. "Lets just go kill Kaiba and get it over with." Malik kicked him in the shins.  
  
"Shut up, Bakura!" he hissed. "After hearing that, they'll kick us out for sure no matter how much we scare them."  
  
"Sorry," said Yami Bakura, clutching his knee. "Must you kick so hard? You could have just nudged me; I would've understood."  
  
"Quit complaining," said Malik. He still sounded annoyed, but there was a definite addition of happiness to his tone of voice, probably coming from the words "kill Kaiba." "And anyway, since you seem to be stressed out, after I kill Kaiba we'll stop by the grocery store and I'll use my mom's id to buy beer again."  
  
"Okay!" said Yami Bakura, like a little child who had just been told that they could go on a shopping spree at the candy store and eat until their teeth fell out.  
"Mr. Kaiba, sir, you have a visitor," said Seto's secretary, entering his office.  
  
"A visitor?" asked Seto, annoyed. He was having the time of his life, and someone was actually DARING to disturb him? "Who is it?"  
  
"Some guy with blondish hair. He had an albino dude with him, but after he asked if he could suck my blood I decided it was best not to let him in," replied the secretary. Seto stared. I wonder who that could be, he thought sarcastically.  
  
"What did he want?" Seto asked.  
  
"I have no idea, but he seemed extremely happy about something. I asked him about the golden dagger he was holding, and then he got really angry. But I decided he was okay to let in," she said. Yeah, let in the homicidal maniac with the knife, that's just the most intelligent thing to do, thought Seto.  
  
"And you let him in...because?" asked Seto.  
  
"Well, he wasn't threatening my life like the other guy, so he seemed perfectly harmless," said the secretary. Seto glared at her.  
  
"Harmless for you, that is. The guy was carrying a dagger!" Seto said, trying not to scream.  
  
"But it wasn't my life that was in danger, it was yours. Why should I care?" Seto put on a fake, sugar-coated smile.  
  
"Who pays you, my dear employee?" asked Seto. Watch her answer the question wrong when I just gave it away in my question, he thought.  
  
"Um, you do, sir," she said. Astonishing, thought Seto.  
  
"Yes, that's right. And how much do I pay you?"  
  
"Um, a hundred bucks an hour," she said.  
  
"Well, guess what?"  
  
"What?" she asked fearfully.  
  
"I'm not your source of pay anymore," said Seto, still with his sugar- coated smile.  
  
"And why is that?" she risked asking.  
  
"BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED!" screamed Seto. The girl burst into tears.  
  
"But Mr. Kaiba! I have no where to go! Kaiba Corp. is my home!"  
  
"You SLEEP here?" Seto asked, amazed.  
  
"Well, it was either here or in your car."  
  
"My car? Why would you want to be in my car?" Seto asked, although he already knew the answer.  
  
"So I could always watch you!" she screamed.  
  
"Are you insane? You like to watch me but you would be willing to let me die? What kind of fan are you?!" Seto asked.  
  
"I just said that so you wouldn't suspect it," she said. "But I would never let you die!"  
"Well, it appears Seto-weto has yet another fan," said Yami Bakura.  
  
"Using your Millennium Ring again?" asked Malik lazily.  
  
"No, I didn't have to. Couldn't you hear the screaming?" asked Yami Bakura.  
  
"No I was too busy concentrating on how I should kill Kaiba," said Malik. "Should I stab him or poke him in the eye?"  
  
"Nah, anything involving eyes is old. It's been done, Malik," said Yami Bakura.  
  
"True. So I should stab him?"  
  
"I don't care. As long as I get the blood." Just then, the secretary burst out of Seto's office, crying hysterically. She stopped in front of Malik.  
  
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screamed, and ran off again.  
  
"Damn soap opera fanatic," Malik murmured.  
  
Seto, standing in the doorway, muttered, "Well, if that isn't just the biggest load of bull I've ever heard." He directed his attention on Malik. "So, Malik, what seems to be the problem?"  
  
"You're a liar!" screamed Malik. All the people in the office next to Seto's looked up, clearly enjoying the show. Seto noticed this.  
  
"Back to work, now!" he screamed. "Malik, you can come into my office. We could talk business there." Another secretary stared at Seto. "Not like that, you moron!" The secretary pretended she never heard anything and resumed typing. Seto sighed and went into his office. Malik followed him, leaving Yami Bakura to his current activity. (Which was staring at the wall and imagining the best way to burn it. At the age of five, he had added pyromaniac to his list of things that were wrong with him. Now that list had about five hundred things on it. You do pick up a few disorders over the course of five thousand years.)  
  
"So Malik, what seems to be the problem? I'm a liar?" Seto asked in his business voice.  
  
"Cut the crap, Kaiba. You know very well what I'm talking about," said Malik, gripping his Rod tighter.  
  
"No. Believe me, if I did, you would be flying out the window by now. I have zero tolerance for you, Malik," said Seto.  
  
"What, you would pull the same little number you pulled on Gozaburo?" Malik asked innocently.  
  
"I did not---wait, how do you know that? I thought you lived in a cave," said Seto.  
  
"I lived underground, not in a cave. And we do get newspapers there, you know," said Malik.  
  
"Fascinating," said Seto sarcastically.  
  
"Hey, Kaiba, stop acting insane. I'm starting to lose my desire to kill you since you're starting to seem cool," said Malik.  
  
"Oh of course, insanity is all the rage these days," said Seto with even more sarcasm.  
  
"You think so too?" Malik asked excitedly, clearly not noting the sarcasm. "Now I don't want to kill you! You ruined my fun!" Malik now sounded like that very same child that had been deprived of such privileges like eating candy till his/her teeth fell out. "But that's okay. Wanna join my club?"  
  
Seto raised his eyebrows. "No. But there might be a way for us to form an alliance."  
  
"Kaiba, you need to start speaking simple language. I have no clue what in the underworld you just said," said Malik.  
  
"Fine then," said Seto. "We can work together."  
  
"How?" asked Malik. "Does it involve me using this thing?" He indicated his Rod. Seto looked at it longingly.  
  
"I miss that thing..." he said sadly. Malik hid it from view.  
  
"I don't want to break that malicious train of thought," he said. Seto jolted from his daydream about the Millennium Rod and the good old days in Ancient Egypt when he used it. "Kaiba, just out of curiosity, were you dreaming about the Rod or what you did as priest?"  
  
"The Rod, Malik, just the Rod," said Seto, blushing.  
  
"Didn't Yami get jealous when you stole all his mistresses?" Malik asked wickedly.  
  
"SHUT UP, MALIK!" said Seto.  
  
"Ah, so you've remembered. How much do you want to bet that Isis was one of those mistresses?" said Malik. Not as much as I would bet that Yami Bakura was one of yours, thought Seto, but didn't voice that thought because he needed Malik for his evil little deed.  
  
"Never mind that now."  
  
"And speaking of Isis, do you have any idea how many admirers my sister has? When she was in elementary school and the little brats didn't even know what love was, I had to keep the phone off the hook because of all the people calling to ask her out," said Malik.  
  
"You had a phone?" asked Seto, surprised.  
  
"Yes, Kaiba, I had a phone. And then when we got older, we had to get two lines! Otherwise people couldn't reach us, not even at midnight. That's how desperate they were. And like recent times, her archaeology people would show up at our doorstep at six in the morning!" said Malik. "It drove me insane!"  
  
"So that's what the problem was," said Seto. "I always wondered if you were born that way or not."  
  
Malik went on as if he hadn't heard Seto: "But at least after everyone finds out that she's married, I won't have to deal with it anymore." Malik sighed with relief. Married? Thought Seto. I thought Malik knew that we weren't. Oh well. And so my revenge on him continues.  
  
"Aw, Malik, don't feel sad that you don't have admirers. You'll always have Yami Bakura's affection," said Seto, snickering and patting Malik on the back. Malik tried punching Seto, but Seto dodged.  
  
"Kaiba, you ruined it! We were bonding!" said Malik.  
  
"Trust me, Malik. Yami Bakura would 'bond' with you better," said Seto.  
  
"It's not like that!" said Malik.  
  
Seto smirked. "No need to get defensive."  
  
"I was not being defensive! And I'm not gay!"  
  
"Then how come I never see any girls around you? You're always with Yami Bakura," said Seto.  
  
"Because women are afraid of me!" said Malik. "Trust me. I took my shirt off in front of the entire class. They should all be afraid."  
  
"You know, you've got a point there. But enough with the small talk. Here is how we can work together: I intend to get revenge on everyone who put me in this position. I already got my revenge on you just by moving into your house. But intend to put Yami through the hell he never got the chance to go through. I want him to suffer more than you have," said Seto.  
  
"Is that even possible?"  
  
"Very. So here's the deal. If you help me get my job back and make Yami suffer like he never suffered before, and if your insane yami 'friend'- --" Seto couldn't help but burst out laughing.  
  
"Come on, Kaiba!"  
  
"Okay. If you and Yami Bakura help me out, I'll agree not to unleash my wrath on him and will move out as soon as I get my job back. Besides, you benefit from it just as much as I do. You hate Yami just as much as I do. Our enemy is one and the same," said Seto. Malik seemed to like what Seto was saying.  
  
"Now you're talking my language," said Malik. "I'm sure Yami Bakura will be only too eager to aid us in the quest for Yami's destruction!" Malik cackled evilly.  
  
"No need to take it to THAT extremity. But yeah, that is what we're after," said Seto.  
  
"You know, it was a severe punishment for Yami when you moved in with Isis. It nearly drove him mad. Quite a shame that it didn't, though. Then all the yamis would be insane." Malik shuddered, remembering his yami.  
  
"How was that a punishment?"  
  
"Well, think about it. You stole Isis from him in ancient times, and now you got her before Yami even put one move on her," said Malik.  
  
"Please stop talking about that," said Seto.  
  
"What are you going to do? Go all kung-fu on me?" asked Malik, smiling. Seto wouldn't dare...  
  
"Gladly," said Seto, kicking Malik in the stomach. Malik rolled on the floor in agony for about two minutes and then stood up.  
  
"That never happened." Yami Bakura burst into the room at that moment.  
  
"I agree! I agree to killing Yami! But I got dibs on the blood! I want his blood!"  
  
"Okay, Bakura!" Malik and Seto said in unison.  
  
"So we have a deal, Kaiba," said Malik. He and Yami Bakura started to leave.  
  
"Wait Malik," Seto called. "What did you mean when you said I was a liar?"  
  
"Well, you told me that you couldn't get your job back because Yami couldn't get fired. But he can if all top five Kaiba Corp. executives agree to it," said Malik.  
  
"Someone's done their homework. Yes, Malik, that's true. Where did you learn that happy little fact?" asked Seto.  
  
"I went through your books and all the other crap you have at Yami's house." Seto glared at him when he said "Yami's house." "What?" Malik asked, noticing this. "It is his house until you get him fired."  
  
Seto grinned. "Lets just say that Yami is about to become the resident of a small, dank chamber inside the mind of a naïve little midget ALL over again," he said.  
  
"Don't you just love the way he thinks?" Malik asked on their way out. Seto smugly sat down in his five-thousand dollar office chair. And then they wonder why I'm such a great CEO. I can negotiate anything. But I shouldn't get too excited. I haven't ruined Yami's life...I mean existence just yet. But still. Operation Yami's Destruction is underway! Thought Seto.  
Isis pulled her car over in front of the arcade that evening.  
  
"Hey Isis!" said Mokuba, opening the back door. Then he frowned. "Where's Seto?"  
  
"I haven't picked him up yet," replied Isis.  
  
"Well you should have!" said Mokuba. "You should always pick my brother up before me. I know you two never get any time alone. You even sleep in different rooms."  
  
It had been a long and hard day for Isis, so what he said didn't sink in immediately. "Why would I want to be alone with---MOKUBA!"  
  
"Well, you should've picked him up first!" Mokuba contradicted.  
  
"Just pipe down. I already have a headache. If you promise to behave, I might take you out for dinner. I have a feeling that Malik invited Yami Bakura over, so I would rather not go home until they're asleep from all the alcohol consumption," said Isis. She refrained from banging her head on the steering wheel.  
  
"Okay!" said Mokuba gleefully. "But only if Seto comes too."  
  
"Yes, of course," said Isis. Like he would agree otherwise, she thought.  
  
In a few minutes they pulled over in front of Kaiba Corp.  
  
"Lovely day, wasn't it?" Seto asked when he sat down. Isis glared at him.  
  
"Lovely?! Any day when Yami Bakura and Malik are together is hell!" she screamed.  
  
"Ooooooooooooooooo..." said Mokuba. "Isis said a bad word."  
  
"Don't repeat that, Mokuba," Isis and Seto said irritably.  
  
"No! I made you two mad at eachother!" said Mokuba. "I'm a terrible person."  
  
"MOKUBA! WE'RE FINE!" Isis and Seto screamed.  
  
"Oh, good then!"  
  
"Where are we going?" Seto asked, looking at the window and noticing that they were headed in the wrong direction.  
  
"Like I explained to Mokuba, I have no intention of going home until Malik and Yami Bakura are drop-dead drunk and knocked out," said Isis.  
  
"I don't think you'll have to wait long," said Seto. "They're probably out celebrating."  
  
"Celebrating what?" asked Isis curiously. "It's not Malik's birthday, and Yami Bakura can't remember his."  
  
"They're---" Seto paused for a short moment. He didn't want to tell Isis about the little deal he made. She would definitely disapprove. "They're going to celebrate our engagement that no one bothered to ask me about."  
  
"About that---" Isis began, but was interrupted by Seto.  
  
"It's okay. Malik is suffering, so I don't mind." The rest of the car ride was pretty quiet.  
"You think they've finished celebrating?" Seto asked, approaching the front door.  
  
"Probably. It's ten o'clock. They should be unconscious by now," said Isis. She opened the door.  
  
"MY BOTTLE!" Malik screamed, grabbing a beer bottle out of Yami Bakura's hand.  
  
"NO! I WANT IT!"  
  
"I BOUGHT IT!" Malik screamed.  
  
"WELL, OF COURSE YOU DID! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE STUPID ID PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE NOWADAYS TO BUY ALCOHOL!"  
  
"I PAID FOR IT!"  
  
"AW, GO SCREW YOURSELF!"  
  
"Hasn't he already done that?" Seto asked, interrupting the argument.  
  
Isis, whose mood had improved quite a bit, walked over to Malik and pulled the bottle out of his hand. She then walked to the window, opened it and the bottle, and spilled everything out. Malik and Yami Bakura looked horrified.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" they screamed.  
  
"It's fair, now. Neither of you got it. Now, we're all going to bed now," said Isis with unnerving calmness.  
  
"Where am I supposed to sleep?" Seto asked.  
  
"Oh, I know," said Malik wickedly. Isis threw the beer bottle at his head. It broke in half when it made contact.  
  
"Quiet!" she snapped. "I am going to leave you two here. Seto will sleep in the basement for today. Hopefully he won't die. Now, I'm warning you, Malik. Do NOT do anything crazy." Malik and Yami Bakura nodded.  
  
"We won't, sister," said Malik. Isis looked at him with a penetrating gaze, but then gave up searching for guilt of any kind. She had learned that Malik never felt any remorse about what he did. She and Mokuba proceeded upstairs, while Seto went to the basement.  
  
Malik grinned. If Isis only knew what kind of craziness he and Yami Bakura were planning...  
  
JK: Another chappie of my story is completed! And who do we have to thank for the fact that I continued? Duke Devlin!  
  
Duke: What? I didn't do anything.  
  
One of his dumb cheer leading fangirls: Duke, Duke, he's our man! If he can't do it--- JK (after bashing fangirl on the head): As I was saying before the one with the rotting brain---  
  
Yami Bakura: What? Who called me?  
  
JK: (sighs) Once again, before I was interrupted by the two people...or maniacs with the rotting brains, Duke was my inspiration!  
  
Seto: You look at me, and no inspiration comes to you. But look at Duke, and you're just brimming with ideas?  
  
JK: Shut up, Seto-weto. You know you're still my favorite character. I got inspired because of making fun of Duke.  
  
Another of his fangirls: You made fun of him?!  
  
(JK takes out mallet ONLY reserved for bashing Tea on the head.)  
  
JK: Why don't you take a nap?  
  
Fangirl: Why would I do that?  
  
(JK bashes her on the head too.)  
  
Yami: That's not fair! Naps are my trademark!  
  
Malik: What are you complaining about? Would you like my trademark instead? She made me gay!  
  
Yami Bakura: And me too. I am not gay!  
  
JK: I didn't make you gay. I do NOT support yaoi. Besides, you honestly think I COULD write yaoi?  
  
(Evil Authoress, who used to be known as Dark Shadows, pops in.)  
  
EA: Who's writing yaoi?! Yaoi is good!  
  
JK: No one, Evil Authoress.  
  
EA: Oh. (spots Malik) Maliky-poo! (glomps him)  
  
Malik: Ow...you still like me? Aren't you the one who changes her bishie everyday?  
  
JK: Sorry, Malik, but this time, I think she's hooked.  
  
EA: Hooked on Malik, that I am.  
  
JK: Quit talking like Kenshin. (From Rurouni Kenshin)  
  
Malik: Damn fangirls...  
  
Seto: This coming from someone who was complaining that he doesn't have any admirers.  
  
JK: You should know, Seto, that in this part of my fanfics, you get to be yourself. In the actual part with a plot, you are all under my control.  
  
(Everyone screams.)  
  
JK: Come on, it's not that bad. And before I get carried away again, I would like to take some time to thank one of my reviewers who has been reviewing for almost every single chapter. Thank you Llybian!  
  
Everyone:...  
  
JK: Hail her!  
  
Everyone:...  
  
Seto: There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I'm hailing someone who likes this crap.  
  
JK: Seto...  
  
Seto: No, I refuse to.  
  
JK: I'll burn your mansion if you don't!  
  
Seto: NO! Fine! (hails Llybian)  
  
JK: And the rest of you?  
  
(Everyone else follows suit.)  
  
JK: Good!  
  
EA: How come they don't hail me? I reviewed for every chapter!  
  
JK: (sighs) Here, have some chocolate instead.  
  
EA: YEAH! CHOCOLATE! (grabs it)  
  
JK: Anyway, please review and join us next chapter for the ceremonial resurrection and burning of Pegasus! 


End file.
